Ever wonder if your family's the only one that doesn't have it all together? This candid panel conversation with Anna Kettle, Dave Connolly, and Matt Edmundson explores the complex realities of modern family life. From opening homes to strangers, navigating marriage communication, choosing contentment over career climbing, and prioritising responsibility over individual rights—discover why biblical family looks radically different from Instagram perfection. Real stories, practical wisdom, and grace for wherever you are on the family journey.
01**When Opening Your Life Feels Risky**
Have you ever felt like your family doesn't quite match the polished versions you see on social media? Or wondered if you're the only one struggling to figure out this whole family thing?
At Crowd Church, we recently gathered around the table with Anna Kettle, Dave Connolly, and Matt Edmundson for an honest conversation about family. Not the Instagram-perfect version, but the real, messy, challenging, beautiful reality of doing life together. What emerged wasn't a how-to manual for perfect families—because none of us have that sorted—but rather some refreshing perspective on what family can be when we stop trying to have it all together and start opening our lives to others.
02**The Pressure to Perform**
Let's be honest: discussing family can feel loaded. Everyone's experience is different. Some grew up in stable, loving homes. Others, like Dave, experienced a "very dysfunctional family" and "couch surfing from about the age of eight." Matt's parents divorced when he was nine, leaving him in a predominantly single-parent household. Anna grew up with Christian parents who were church leaders, whilst her husband came from a blended family with half-siblings from previous marriages.
The point isn't that there's one "right" way to experience family. The fact is that family—in all its varied forms—matters deeply. And when we look at society today, we see the impact of family breakdown everywhere. The statistics are sobering: the vast majority of prisoners come from fatherless families, and men commit most violent crimes without fathers in their lives.
However, what's interesting is that the Bible doesn't shy away from messy family stories. In fact, it's full of them—dysfunctional relationships, sibling rivalries, broken marriages, prodigal children. Yet through it all, God keeps working, keeps redeeming, and keeps showing up in the midst of the mess.
03**God's Design: Family as Gift**
Anna put it beautifully: "The whole idea of family is God's idea, isn't it? God puts the lonely in a family... from the beginning Adam and Eve, it was about creating family and it's not good for the first man to be alone."
At the core of the Trinity is a relationship—three in one, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We're made in God's image, which means we're wired for connection. Family, at its best, is where we experience the things every human needs: unconditional love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging.
Anna continued: "I feel like I learned lots about what it is to be secure and nurtured... but also being a parent myself now I think being a mum has taught me more about selfless love than anything else... it's the best way to learn to be selfless and to love someone like yourself."
This isn't about earning value through family performance. As Dave explained in a previous talk, it's the opposite: "You are of infinite value. That price on you is infinite. Therefore, we should look after our body." The same applies to family—we don't create family to become valuable; we're already valuable, so we steward the gift of family well.
04**The Extended Family Revolution**
One of the most practical ways the panel has lived this out is through opening their homes. Dave and his wife Julie have "always had people live with us... at any one time up to recent years we've had two or three people living with us for long periods of time."
But here's the crucial bit: "We have to say to them if you want to come and live with us that's fine but we're not looking for a lodger, we need people who can become part of our family."
This isn't about filling spare rooms. It's about intentionally building an extended family. Matt and Sharon have had lodgers for almost their entire 26-year marriage. Anna and Andy don't have lodgers, but they're intentional about including single friends in their family life: "Come around to our house, have dinner with us, just mooch about in the garden."
Whether through lodgers or regular dinner invites, the principle is the same: family extends beyond biology. Anna reflected on her single years in her twenties: "I know what it's like to be on the other side... we're always really mindful that we include our single friends in our family life, that they get up close to our marriage, to our family days."
Dave admitted it takes humility: "It takes a certain amount of openness and honesty... you really do open up your marriage and your family to close scrutiny from someone else."
05**Marriage**
When it comes to marriage specifically, the panel was refreshingly honest about the ongoing work required. Anna's advice for those considering marriage? "Make sure this is someone that you're aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses and... are sure that you can live with them on their worst day, not just the best parts."
Communication emerged as the non-negotiable. Anna explained: "Me and Andy are quite different people personality-wise... I have to be very explicit with Andy about... not just assume that he gets it."
Dave shared a brilliant example about bins: After 45 years of marriage, he's learned that when Julie says "the bin needs to go out," she means now—not after the football finishes. "I know now that she means now... sometimes we just need to be far simpler."
The practical advice? Date nights. Anna insisted: "Andy's really good at this but he'll regularly say we need a date night... and we'll have to get the diaries together and like make it happen." It takes intentionality, but as Dave pointed out: "If it's precious enough, we'll do what we need to do to make it happen."
Dave also shared his approach to meaningful conversations: "I need to sit at the table and that means you don't answer your phone... this is important to me and it might not be something that I'm bringing, it might be you know you were saying... I want to honour and respond appropriately to what you're saying."
06**The Money Question**
Financial pressure is real, and the panel didn't dance around it. Anna and Andy both work full-time with similar salaries, so they split things "50/50" with shared accounts for household expenses. But more importantly, they made a conscious decision early on: "We don't need a bigger house... contentment is really key."
Anna has declined job promotions because "going any higher would be a lot more money, a lot more commitment, stress, less flexibility and we've chosen that's not going to work for our family."
Dave echoed this: "For me, if we have this amount of money coming in, this is what we can afford to do... but if I want a holiday there, I'm going to have to get a bigger job with more hours and it will mean me being out of the house more."
The cultural message is clear: work harder, earn more, get bigger, better, shinier things. But as Matt observed, "I see a lot of successful business people with very broken marriages... the average hours worked by a CEO is 70 hours a week. Do you know what the average hours worked by an Uber driver is? 70."
Dave challenged the church's complicity in this: "Quite often we have this thing that God is blessing you when you got a bigger job, bigger car, bigger house. And I'm like, why? It doesn't say that."
07**Responsibility Over Rights**
Perhaps the most counter-cultural moment came when Dave addressed modern culture's focus on individual rights: "When we talk about our rights... I have a right for this... I think that is fundamentally an unbiblical approach. I think it's more about our responsibility."
Anna added: "Marriage is about serving each other's needs and preferring each other... a relationship should fulfil you and make you whole and complete you... it's not true. Like you're not going to find your core identity, meaning, and all your belonging and all your self-worth in any partner."
This is radically different from the "live your truth" culture we're immersed in. As Matt observed: "I don't know if you can have that 'me, myself, and I' in the context of family... there has to be a crucifying of self in order to have that relationship."
Anna's assessment was stark: "We do need to turn it on its head and be like, this is about preferring each other's needs and serving one another... husbands should serve their wives as Christ serves the church. That's the order. It's opposite of what can I get from this marriage."
08**The Practical Steps**
So what does this look like on a Monday morning? The panel offered several practical actions:
Be intentional about extended family - Whether through lodgers, regular dinners, or including singles in your family activities, make a plan to open your life to others.
Schedule date nights - Get out your diaries and book time together. If it matters, you'll make it happen.
Create conversation rituals - Dave's "sit at the table" approach ensures that meaningful conversations receive the attention they deserve, without interruptions from phones.
Choose contentment - Before chasing the next promotion or bigger house, ask whether the cost to your family is worth it. Sometimes enough is enough.
Lead with responsibility, not rights - Instead of asking, "What am I entitled to?" ask, "What's my responsibility here?"
Seek wisdom from Scripture - As Dave put it: "Drawing closer to God... just reading the word, I just found that has just been such a life source for me."
09**The Legacy Question**
Dave shared a beautiful picture of legacy with his grandchildren—five of them ranging from six to twelve years old. When they stay over on Wednesday evenings, they ask: "Tell us a story," meaning a testimony of how they've experienced God.
"It's a way for us to use legacy with our grandkids, but it's only because we did it with our own kids... our own kids have shared some of these stories with our grandkids."
Family isn't just about getting through the week; it's about making the most of it. It's about passing on faith, values, and stories of God's faithfulness to the next generation.
10**Moving Forward**
The conversation didn't offer a neat blueprint for perfect family life—because there isn't one. What it did offer was something better: honest examples of real people working out what family means in the messiness of actual life.
Dave's final encouragement? "Go on the journey with God."
That's it. Not "get it all sorted first." Not "wait until you're ready." Simply bring God into your family conversations, your marriage struggles, your parenting challenges, your financial decisions, and your relationships with extended family.
As Matt challenged at the end: "Study it out, read the Bible, find out what it's got to say because it is life-changing stuff... I think one of the biggest calls on men is to be fathers, even outside of their own biological kids because there's such a need for it."
Family is God's idea. It's meant to reflect his love, his grace, his community. It won't be perfect—your family hasn't been, mine hasn't been, and theirs hasn't been. But when we open our lives, prefer one another, and invite God into the mess, something beautiful happens.
What would change in your family if you genuinely believed that serving others matters more than your individual rights? What if contentment really is better than climbing the next rung? What if extended family isn't just a nice idea, but a practical way to live out the gospel?
It may be time to find out.
Topics in this talk
View Full Transcript
(420) Doing Family - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zy6UO2qJkVM
Transcript: (00:00) [Music] welcome to this week's crowd church service we are a digital Church on a quest to discover how Jesus helps us live a more meaningful life we are a community a space to explore the Christian faith and a place where you can contribute and grow I want to invite you to connect with us here at crowd church and there are a few ways that you can do just that firstly you can engage with Crow from any device during our live stream and if you're up for it why not invite a few friends over and experience the service together you (00:42) see church is all about connecting with God and connecting with others and one of the easiest ways for you to do that is to also Join one of our midweek groups where we meet online together to catch up and discover more about the amazingness of Christ you can also subscribe to our podcast called what's the story where we Deep dive into stories of faith and courage from everyday people more information about all of these things that I've mentioned can be found on our website at www.c crow. (01:21) or you can reach us uh on social media at crowd church if you're new to crowd or new to the Christian faith and we would like to know what your next steps to take are well why not head over to our website crowd. churchnext for more [Music] details and now the moment you've been waiting for is here our online church service starts right now well good evening welcome to crowd online Church my name is Matt Edmonson beside me we have Dave con hi and we have Anna hey and yes if you're new to if you're uh not new if you're usual to crowd you'll be like what's going on why is there three people around the table (02:10) what's with all these weird camera angles uh well we're doing things a little bit differently in September Excuse me while I adjust my microphone uh yeah we're going to do things a little bit differently in September we are going to be doing these what we call panel conversations so we've picked topics five topics and we are going to sit around and talk about them so there's no planned talk it's just the three of chatting away about a topic so if you've got any thoughts about any questions write them in the comments and we'll do our level best to try and either ignore them or answer them I'm not quite sure (02:40) which one we'll do it depends on the quality of the question I suppose uh but no seriously any question just put them in there whether you're go to church whether you don't um wherever you are in the Christian Journey please come join in the conversation with us uh it's going to be fun like I say a little bit different we going to do these a little bit differently in September mainly because there are some big changes coming on October which I'll tell you about in two weeks time I think it is not next week (03:06) the week after it's very mysterious you know what they are though I know what they are just everyone wondering she everyone yeah make sure make sure you subscribe and like uh crowd church and all that sort of good stuff if you want I've had uh a few people have emailed me asking me Matt what are you talking about in the live stream you saying some changes coming up I'm going to email you as well you want to know so yes that's what's uh that's what's coming up uh in a couple of weeks time but today we're talking about (03:43) family yes we are uh we're going to dig into this whole topic and I thought well one this is the first time we've done this so like Anna said earlier before we went live on there what better guinea pigs to do this with than uh Anna and Dave and so we're going to engage in a great conversation uh no idea where it's going to go idea what it's going to look like but we're going to have some fun doing it right H and we're going to look at family and the the Christian Perspective whether they have been watching us do it is another thing but yeah it's one of those isn't it so um so (04:14) yeah should we dig into it should we should we jump straight in so uh let's briefly I guess where to start so uh just introduce yourselves for those that might not have been to Crow before and also I guess just tell us a bit about your families right so who who's going first Anna camera's on me so I'll go first um so I'm Anna Kettle I'm um a mother of one I have one son who's nine called Ben um my husband Andy um is a musician and works for a music promotion company I work in the NHS um in marketing and Communications and do things like this on my weekends I don't know what else do you (04:56) want us to say about ourselves that's good that's good if you have any questions about who an is just WR in the comments Dave yeah I'm Dave Connelly and I mared to Julie we have three grownup children and we have five grandchildren wow and I spend most of them okay he wins you can catch up and um I spend much of my day today and working with churches and leaders just seeing trying to support them yeah fantastic fantastic fantastic and my name Oh wrong camera let me get the right camera there's going to be some more of that going to be a lot more of (05:37) that I'm trying to switch the three cameras uh yeah my name is Matt like I said at the start um I have three fantastic kids I remember once doing a live stream and said that I had two kids he didn't you leave out no no did I say I had two or four I think I might have said I've got four kids and sh's like what that's even where it's the missing one yeah yeah yeah I genuinely don't I have three kids married to the beautiful sh uh my kids are sort of semi what would you say they're semi- grownup yeah two of them have left home well they're at University it's not they've not really left home yet they're sort of semi- left home so two of my kids are at (06:10) Uni uh and my daughter is doing her a levels which in the UK is like your studies when you're 17 18 isn't it that sort of age range so uh yeah we've got a fair bit of um Family Life between us I suppose haven't we my background uh my parents got divorced when I was nine so I grew up in a predominantly single parent house although I did see my dad every week um but it was mainly my mom that b us up um but what about you Anna did you yeah I grew up in a family um with two sisters two younger sisters I was the oldest of three and my parents were Christian church leaders so I was (06:54) growing up in a kind of whole unit family as it were um yes that that's been my experience but my husband um he had um more of a blended family like his mom and dad it was both of their second marriages so he has one full sister and then he has some half siblings from their previous marriages so his is a little more complicated family than mine right and Dave about you yeah um well I grew up with a very dis in a very dysfunctional family really um I'm the youngest of four and um CU we didn't grow up together you know um and I lived with um other um extended family so I think they (07:38) call it um s for surfing now from about the age of Ace right and actually it's probably worth saying um all of us have done a recording on the what's the story podcast if you want to check out especially your story because you and I did the convers in fact we did I did yours as well did you did um and so our family background is quite different as well isn't it so um which is quite quite interesting so I think we're talking about family and I think it's probably worth saying straight from the start we're talking about family not from a place of having it all sorted out well (08:09) maybe you hav't um I would I've got it all sorted out that's my husband he definely not yeah cool but definitely not me um but I I I thought family would be a great conversation to talk about so let's let's do the let's do the caveats right here at the start because obviously there are there are certain things that people have in mind when you start talking about family and I think the other thing to say about that as well is that family isn't just talking about nuclear family so like parents and kids it's also extended family um you (08:41) know obviously Dave's experiences that anyway but I think you know a single people too and how they fit into family and yeah Blended families all kind we know that families are in lots of different shapes and sizes these days and and all of it is what we're talking about yeah sorry it's that's a great point it's also important as well that when we're talking about family we're aware that not everybody has had a good experience of family you know some families have broken family members you know whether it's through parents siblings or even grandpar Etc so we want (09:18) to be sensitive to that we're trying to reference our experience as well yeah yeah no that's a fair point so I think the thing to say I know family is quite an emotive topic isn't it for people everybody I mean as we've proven everyone has different experiences with their parents with their brothers and sisters uh with their kids everyone has different experiences um but I think the Bible talks about all of those experiences and I I don't want to shy away from having a conversation about family for fear of (09:50) offending someone who might have a complex experience of family does that make sense and I think um I think we can talk about family from a Biblical perspective um knowing that so if that's you and you're watching this and your experience isn't great then please give us some Grace please bear with us hopefully we'll deal with the topic sensitively yeah and conversely if you're single um that doesn't exclude you from the conversation as well I mean we're talk we to say what you were saying earlier on if you can remember um I mean I was (10:19) saying that like for me it's really important that for people who here single that they feel part of family so like me and Andy we both got married in our early 30s so we had we didn't get married young which a lot of Christians do um and so I think we both had singleness in our 20s so I had enough experience of being single but I knew that that can sometimes feel a lonely Place particularly in church or as you get older and more people are having nuclear families and starting to get married and have their own kids and (10:49) become busy with that so for me we're always really mindful that with we include our single friends in our family life that they get up close you know to our marriage to our family days like come around to our house have dinner with us just Mo about in the garden like yesterday had a friend over and yeah I'm really conscious of that because I know what it's like to be on the other side as well um and yeah I just I just think we need to be really mindful of including people who aren't in a usual family unit into our families yeah super (11:25) powerful so let's what let's talk about that then um extended family uh this phrase extended family we use a lot in church um what Dave what does extended family mean to you do you think well what it's looked like for us um as a we would Julie and I we both came from non- Christian families quite dysfunctional um so we were really just trying to work it out with our own kids you know and um probably made all all the all all the mistakes you know um but we have always had people live with us in our life you know so I think at any one time up to recent years we've had (12:07) two or three people um live with us for long periods of time and for us we have to say to them if you want to come and live with us that's fine but we're not looking for a lodger we need people who can become part of our family as this and it's a bit messy you know and and we just wanted to be real and we wanted them to see us being real and to see all Christianity being worked out yeah in them you know yeah that's fair play and for those of you watching in the states or outside of the UK a lodger is someone that just comes and lives in your house right kind of rents a room don't they a (12:42) roommate type thing I because we've had Lodgers right now we've had Lodgers almost as long as we've been married 26 years we've had a lot of Lodgers over the years um and up until last week we had three lodges in there um one of them's just moved down and I this was very much learned behavior it's not what I saw growing up it was very much learned behavior watching you and Julie and Nick and Jen yeah as I was sort of growing up in Frontline which was the church that um they've pested so you doing that was that intentional and I don't it wasn't (13:21) intentional on our part um because we were very aware that you know we're working we have to work hard at marriage you have to work hard at being a dad yeah um and we just had three ordinary kids you know with all with the with the blessings and the challenges they bring but it it was just the right thing people needed somewhere to live yeah and we said you can come and live with us you know I mean yeah and we've had some amazing people and we've had some challenging people but I would say it has been a blessing having them in our family yeah and because we couldn't (13:58) handle a lodger type of thing we need people who want to come play games with us eat with us share life do life yeah that's really important isn't it it's this whole thing about extended family and I think I'm not saying that having Lodgers is the biblical answer to extended family but we have found that almost to be the case right that if you have Lodgers you're building this sort of extended family so you and Andy have made it a point you don't you guys don't do lodic yeah we've never had a lodger since we were married um (14:29) yeah we've had friends day for a few days but nothing more than that um I wouldn't be adverse to it but like for us we do it without them moving under our roofs I guess most of our friends don't need a place to stay they have their own Finance their own yeah you know um place to live but for us it's more about creating that community and that sense of people not being alone and lonely um so yeah I guess it's the same however you do that it doesn't really matter does it whether you do it as a lodger whether you do it just in your social time like (15:05) I don't know whether you do it seasonally like I know some people do shortterm and different seasons around kids or whatever is going on in life but I I do it does strike me though it takes a certain amount of openness and honesty to do it yeah I was thinking about it just then I thought gosh you really do open up your marriage and your family to close scrutiny from someone else not sure someone actually likes to live in our house every day you know like the arguments stuff but it it takes a certain amount of humility and honesty doesn't it that that actually you're (15:35) opening yourself up to kind of yeah somebody seeing up up close what it's really like there's no hiding or pretending you've got it all sorted when you haven't yeah like when someone's living that close to in your space and I guess yeah that can be kind of good because it's yeah it's it's challenging isn't it but I think I think it can be really challenging in a good way I don't think it's either you know or whether it's the logic thing I think I think it's the horse isn't it that we want to open up our lives and we we sometimes we don't (16:09) think we have a lot I mean um well it's what we have we want to share it yeah you know I'm talking about our life I'm not talking about our things we have you know but we we're saying we want to open up our lives for people to come in and we're not saying come to us because we have it all together cuz we know we don't and you know what you're saying about marriage I mean it does make you think you know you know when you want to yeah sort of raw obviously you wooden but you know I'm like I can barely contain (16:43) myself and um it does make you think yeah you know yeah it does it does it's an interesting one isn't it and I think you're right whether you have lodges or whether you don't I think it's the intent and actually and this is true whether you're in a Rel relationship whether you have family uh birth family or whether you don't you can create family this sort of extended family but it does take intentionality right so we intentionally have people like before we came out um there must have been 10 guys around my house watching the football and we do that every time just you know that intentionality having people around extended family um and I had to leave at (17:25) half time to come do crowd because that's how committed I am just left the guys there you know and they're just helping themselves to I would say they're helping themselves to the fridge but it's quite empty H we just got back from from holiday but that intentionality in building family that extended family I think is one of the most powerful things that we can do as Christians um to people around us because I know I I mean I this has always been my story really I grew up in a family with you know a single parent family um but it wasn't until I was hanging around with you and Julie with (18:01) Nick and Jen that I actually and actually getting into your houses having dinner with you you guys inviting us in all the time when I did that I saw what family could actually be and it was very different to what I'd experienced does that make sense yeah and just by opening our lives and opening our homes I think it has quite a big impact on people yeah it's quite Counter Culture though isn't it because it it strikes me cuz I grew up in a family where my parents did that a lot like I guess that's why I think it's important as well because my (18:30) parents always modeled like we did have a few Lodgers in my childhood not all the time but we also had people over for dinner a lot we always had people around the meal it was like you know even Christmas Day there'd be all kinds of waves and Strays that they pick up you know and it and that was kind of what I saw modeled so from my early age I learned that was important um but it is very countercultural isn't it and I think it's becoming harder and harder to do cuz strikes me like it's amazing but (18:59) I think you're the exception not the majority you know the exception not the rule is it's hard because people have such full busy lives like we'll try and connect with people and it could take months to get something in the diary like date like friends we don't see and we're like oh when are you free we need to get families together and it's like Christmas you know like yeah how how can we not have a free weekend till like December and people live busy lives don't they and I think that not just about living extended family but generally it's it's people are time Po and they're really busy and that can be (19:34) real a real barrier to creating family and community and kind of that connectedness I yeah that's very true so if you think then about your families um you know you you what what are some of the things that God has taught you through being through having family I mean you know the talks a lot about God the Father it talks about we're part of his body part of his family we're adopted as his children there's a lot of analogy used where at when we become Christians we become part of God's family you know (20:11) it talks about God's kingdom it talks about God's family um why is it such a powerful thing do you think why is family such a big massive deal because if I look at the stats um and we we can look at them you know in in in the modern time and we can see family looks very different to what we would tra you know the traditional family unit um it does look quite different but alongside that you can see that breakdown of family it is linked to a whole bunch of other things for example I think it's like 90 95% of prisoners come from (20:51) fatherless families um most violent crimes committed by men from fatherless I mean there's this whole thing about the breakdown of family units and we can see the impact of that so why is it such a powerful thing you I mean that's a massive question isn't it I mean it's a massive question but without well yeah we're we're here to you know to be spiritual but I mean it it it for me identifies the need of society for Jesus you know because I believe that when we receive Jesus you know we're not just taking up going to church and trying to do a life (21:28) Improvement thing yeah I believe it really does impact every area you know you know of our lives and I think you know we we we want we have to want to allow God to come in and change us so I I just think you know we need to realize that it's got a huge Spirit family it's a God thing yeah it is it is a God thing and there's loads of reasons why when we look at people's stories very simply you know we about families who are broken up and I know it's very complicated I don't want to oversimplify things but like they haven't spoken to each other for years and years and years (22:10) because they fell out over something so trivial and they're not going to get that time back now I'm not saying when they fall out all the time that you know over trle I'm not saying that but we need to if we as Christians we need to understand the power of forgiveness yeah and if we want to see change in our families we have to see forgiveness yeah come to the Forefront I think that's where you start to get wholeness yeah what about you I feel like the whole idea of family is like God's idea isn't it so (22:48) like God puts the lonely in a family his idea you know from the beginning Adam and Eve like you know it was about you know creating family and it's not good for the first man to be alone so he created a partner and yeah and I so I guess it's always been God's design for us to be part of that family and you know God is a relational God isn't he he's like three in one God so at the core of the Trinity is like family and connection and so I think it's part of our DNA we're made in God's image and he's relational and so we need relationships and I suppose family for (23:24) me is one of the best units for that because it about it's probably where you know people can have the potential to experience unconditional love acceptance belonging all these kind of core human needs when you look at and know once someone's got literally like food and water to live like the next level of need is emotional need isn't it and and I think family is where that that's also met um and I'm not you know I know that's not true for lots of families where there's Brokenness and um but in the ideal idea of family and also where family is redeemed yeah um that is able (24:04) to be experienced and I think again that for me like family being part of family obviously I had quite a good experience of family growing up um but also I I feel so I feel like I learned Lots about what it is to be secure and nurtured and all that but I also being a parent myself now I think being a mom has taught me more about selfless you know love than anything else you know it's best way to learn to be selfless and to love someone like yourself you know we certainly don't love the way God loves (24:38) us like all of is not perfect as humans is it but for me it's the best imperfect human way we got to like learn a bit more about God's love I think and to live in that experience in some way yeah I certainly don't love my husband and my son like that the same way God loves us but I'm learning more about it we living in close quarters with them I think yeah um yeah and it's and I think it's bringing Jesus and God into you know into our family unit know into our you know relationship with our husband or our wife you know and and with our kids (25:14) and to really establish God in our conversations um I mean we find that even now you know w w with our grandkids um and we have um 12 year old two 10 year olds and two six year olds you you know and we love being you know and grandparents but I I I have these flashback when you talking before I thought just sounds like our Catherine you know saying it's like it's as if we you know we just bring somebody home with us and say they're living with us you know type thing and I'm like yeah it was a bit like that you know but I think (25:53) they experienced the blessing you know from that but as imperfect as we are as parents regardless of all you know where all parents like were like with us I think there's there's a Grace given us you know if we are humble and sometimes you know we have we're broken before we're humble and um we always want to try and introduce you know God you know to our kids and you know I find um we do it with our grandkids a whole lot they love when they stay over on a Wednesday evening they'll quite often say oh tell us a story which is like if you're in the church World a test Tony way that we (26:31) have experienced God and you know or we might tell you know something from scripture and it's a way for us to use Legacy yeah you know with our grandkids but it's only because we did it with our own kids yeah and our you know it's really obvious that our own kids I've shared some of these stories with our grandkids yeah so it's it's a great legacy thing really for having God in there yeah super powerful if you've just joined us welcome to crowd uh we are doing things a little bit differently this week as you can maybe have hopefully picked up uh we are having a (27:02) panel discussion we are spending each week in September we're talking about five different topics today we're talking about family do feel free to write your own thoughts comments uh questions in the comments and we'll try and get to them um but yeah that's what we're doing this week uh I'm with Anna and Dave so a warm welcome to you I'm intrigued right so here we are talking about family let's say I'm I'm I'm curious you're sitting down right you've done this a lot right as a as a church pastor you sit down someone's thinking about getting married (27:34) they're thinking about starting a family what's your advice what do you say to them what's the the the key thing you've learned not to say anything too [Laughter] quickly I think you know love that it's it's it's just I think you know people come and I think it's good just to let them talk and you know sometimes I've sat there with my tongue Bly between my teeth not because I'm somebody who's always got a comment to me yeah but sometimes you think you know they just need to say what they're saying and God you just need you know to doal with this and it's not always wrong (28:17) yeah you know but I think sometimes they don't need our advice yeah sometimes they're just coming to tell you or to share with you and or you know and I think that's a bit of a pro privilege thing yeah yeah a lot of the time it's a privilege thing um but I I would like to think we listen yeah I know that I know that sounds like the right thing to say but I think yeah well be slow to speak quick to listen James said that yeah I mean it's not always that easy sometimes you want to say no yeah come on James (28:47) sort it out make it easy you know that's true I I I like that and I I think um I when Sharon and I got married uh we read the book Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus I don't know if you've ever read this book it's basically you just need to read the cover of the just the cover yeah and you and you pretty much got the book and there's actually there was one section in the book The idea of the book is Men Are from Mars women are from ven you speak very different languages right and you need to figure out how how each other talks and there was this one page (29:20) in the book where uh it the most helpful page in the whole book and I think it it just summarized it neatly it had a table what the woman said what the woman means what the man hears all three different and again what a man says what a man means what a woman hears all three different um and so quite often certainly early in our marriage I'm getting faster at it now Sharon would just look at me because I just go really quiet and she just look at me and she'd go you're translating now are you you're just trying to figure out you know what it is I truly mean and we'd have (29:50) conversations about it um so I definitely get what you mean about that being slow to speak thing uh yeah very much so what would your advice be I think similar I feel like the main thing we've had to learn is communication like not like similar thing really not assuming what the other person means not thinking that the other person thinks the same way as you because me and Andy are like quite different people personality and yeah and we're rarely thinking the same thing and it's like not reading between the lines like you say but like actually being clear with each other like I have (30:25) to be very explicit with Andy right about I mean yeah like not just assume that he gets my just and yeah and so you you get better at that over time don't you like understanding one another but yeah I think in terms of when you're thinking about getting married I just think just take your time and like make sure it's the right person and you know what do I even mean by that I don't know it's not like they're going to be perfect but make sure this is someone that you're aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses and you (30:59) as much as anyone can are sure that you can live with them on their worst day not just the best parts you know it's yeah CU I think they'll quite quickly come to the Forefront once you're living together and you're married and the pressure's on right yeah yeah and we're quite good I hide those tricky bits until especially men you know I think most women don't know their husband until they be married to them for a couple of years yeah um but I I think you know the whole thing about conversation with each other I think you hopefully become more (31:34) comfortable and you start to realize how you need to really what you're saying how you need to communicate for you know your husband or for your or your wife to understand you yeah like you know you did the old illustration is you know for me I mean everybody we did marriage prep would probably say oh you said that to us and we said it to everybody because it's true if Julie says to me the needs to go out it's the only job I have in our house honestly it's the only thing well you get off L I know yeah I do and you definitely has to do more than that (32:07) I'm you're supposed to be out I should be doing it now I'll see suing and um that's my only job we have two bins well we have three but only responsible empty and getting to it and if Julie says oh the bin needs empty and I'm like no problem I'll just finish watching the last 5 minutes of the football I'm thinking in my head Julia said the bin needs to go out I know after we've been married 45 years yeah recently and um to each other and um it just clarified just clarify that point and um our kids were G (32:44) [Music] and I I I know now that she means now yeah and so I was like is it okay I just want to what you know five minutes you know last 5 minutes because if I don't I I can see I'll go to do it you know in 10 15 minutes time and it'll be empty and she's like I'm like I was going to do it and she said yeah but I need it done now and I understand that you doesn't say now but I know really I know really what she's saying and I think quite often we just need to be fair simpler you know saves a lot of hearty yeah yeah and that's something you're learning all the way through marriage isn't it these things (33:27) that you stop learning no these lessons like after a few years you know I just I just think you're constantly working on this stuff communication and yeah kind of serving each other and putting the other person first and being so selfish they're lifelong lessons aren't they and they are yeah always working on it the other thing that strikes me is that for our marriage it's like we've just had to learn that we need to give each other time and that actually that communication does naturally happen like we both work full time got a small child (34:02) in the house who talks 10 to the Dozen all the time um you know and we've both got busy lives and we have lots of other things going on and actually like Andy's really good at this but he'll regularly say we need a date night like we need we need a night in together and like and he'll be like how about Friday and we'll have to get the Diaries together and like make it happen but you know I kind of think creating these times where you regularly like come together and talk reconnect um it's just really key like (34:33) yeah and you have to be really intentional about that it doesn't just happen no so that's been really key for us as well and and I think that's a really Val you know that's a real value that we need to have in our in our marriages where we do have date nights yeah and I know it can be comp so you can't always have like you know the same night every week and some people say well it shouldn't be so difficult to ask to arrange and you're like if it's precious enough we'll do what we need to do you know to make it happen really and (35:05) I think by not making it happen we lose some of the value in our relationship we'll make the statement really that this is not worth the effort yeah um but we we we very much out me and Julia you know we're always ready to talk and we're quite robust you know so we're not sort of very gentle people you know um but I can't have a if if there's something we need to talk about I've always said I need to sit at the table and I I want to sit down and that means you don't answer your phone you don't think about answering your phone I (35:40) need your full attention and it doesn't have to be about serious things I just like to sit down at the T table and what I'm saying is that this is important to me and it mightn't be something that I'm bringing it might be you know you were saying that can we talk about it uninterrupted cuz I want to honor and and respond appropriately to what you're saying yeah and we would if when we had our kids at home and people think as your kids get older sorry about this and you know where where they're constantly talking I mean our are like still at (36:11) University and they were constantly want our time and attention which is lovely you know and even now they do um you know and and they want your talents but it is good to be able say okay when M and dad are are talking and I know it's hard to communicate that when they're you know much younger you know you want to prioritize that conversation yeah you do you know you just talk on value yeah you know and and it's not like so cuz I do it with our kids and you know and even now you know I go around to the house and I say can we sit at the table (36:43) you know and it's not I'm being told off it's this is an important conversation we want to have you know even if it's just saying how great you are yeah you know yeah no super powerful and I'd agree I think date night's you know I think people say to me all the time you know what some of the things you you guys do every week we have a date night schedule it in abolutely I'm a big fan of the big rocks principle you know if you put big rocks in a glass than the medium rocks and the small rocks you can fill it up more than if you do it the other way around and (37:13) for me dat night is one of the top priorities of the week so yeah definitely if you don't don't do do do day night yeah and the other thing I think I probably should say here is that as you were talking earlier on it um I think in Christian circles there can be a pressure to get married young MH um and I I realize that what I'm about to say in some respects doesn't make a whole great deal of sense because after five months of dating Sharon and I were engaged right so it was quite a quick thing um but I I was talking to someone earlier (37:49) on a little while ago broke up from a with a girlfriend they've been going out for two years and it became apparent that probably they either needed to go to the next level or end it and he was like I think it just it just wasn't captivated I think by the whole thing like broke up he was heartbroken but I just said to him listen your 40y old self is thanking you right now because there is this pressure I think sometimes in Christian circles to get married in that situation and actually in it it might be great now but in 20 years time there's a whole lot of pain and you see (38:25) I think you you see couples getting divor for in their 40s in their 50s who who didn't have the courage to say in their 20s actually we should probably not be here I think you'll find out there's lots of people who are in marriages that are far from what they thought it would be yeah you know and they may have got divorced or in lots of cases they haven't for whatever reason um and and and they're not happy and they're not and they're not fulfilled and quite often that's because there's a failure to take action yeah you know um (39:03) marriages are going to be filled with challenges you know and blessings well I think quite often failes take action what do you mean by that failure to take action well you know it's it's like you know can I get by without you know raising this difficult you know issue I mean I mean like there's X number of topics are CA it's the most preure and like like finances and you know Etc and um you know or spending what we haven't got or expectations Etc and I think like in marriage prep when we did it we would always you know say to people you know you need to get yourself in the best (39:41) place you can possibly be in yeah before you get married yeah um but I also I think people did get married younger um I don't think that's a bad thing by the way I I genuinely don't but yeah I I I I understand why they do but now as I say 60 something year old man I'm a bit like you know I I know I this I know people might think you're just crazy but I Julie knew and when she met me that she was going to marry me yeah and um and she knew that I didn't yeah you know I I didn't know that and I I I backslid for (40:20) two years and people were saying you know sorry explain what you mean by backslid for oh sorry I just turned my back on God and um when did my own thing and you know for nearly two years and um and Julie was well I know we'll be back and we we you know we were just really friends type of thing and um and and you know and I came back and you know I was looking around maybe for somebody to dat after a period of time and um and I just had had a conversation with Julie and I wasn't ready for you know a relationship that was going to lead to marriage but I think we both (40:57) feel in your heart of hearts not that you NE say it you know to the person you're daing unless you're thinking I'm prepared to marry this person you know if if she's the one yeah um I think you shouldn't and I especially if you're going to um date my granddaughters we don't to have a conversation we need to have a conversation you know um I think you know we don't want people getting messed around in here is what I'm saying yeah you know because I think there's lots of people do you get and I know that's not always the intention yeah I I I get it I I love (41:35) that I think um for me I think it's Having the courage to end something that needs to end before it goes too far yes um uh in in some respects where it's quite well but I think quite quickly like I knew within a few weeks whether you know that Sharon and I would get married um in fact I don't advise this to anybody really but I said to her quite early on in our relationship just so you know this is where I'm at you and me we're going to get married if we don't it's on you kind of thing and Sharon people might go that's a lot of pressure but actually for Sharon that (42:05) was really helpful um just that's a Shar it's me and it's you isn't it it's how you communicate you know that directly it wasn't sort of some nothing it's you yeah you know yeah absolutely so let's talk about then some of the pressures people are facing in family and let's think uh I'm I'm I'm curious how you guys do let's talk you mentioned earlier finances how do you guys do finances in your in your family and you can go for it um how do we do finances Good Question um well we we're quite I mean it's quite (42:46) straightforward with us we both have our incomes we both work fulltime so we're and we both earn similar amounts like so we're very much 5050 both have an account we do bills shared accounts the household stuff family stuff um you know give a bit to like God give a bit back to like Charities that kind of thing but yeah we just kind of keep it but I think that part of that is we got married later and we were used to managing our own lives our own finances so we just kind of got both of our lies and put the bits that need to join together together (43:22) but yeah I mean I I just feel like it's easy for us in a sense because we what we bring to the marriage is pretty much 5050 financially and workwise but you know I have various friends who that looks different for I I have a growing number of female friends who are the main Bread Winners in their house like they the the primary earner yeah and and that's creates a different Dynamic to previous generations for sure it's like because the moms quite often expected to take the line share of the like mental kind of load for children and family life you know but me and Andy (44:00) sort of SP that fairly 50/50 as well like if I'm working as many hours as you we need to share who's doing dinner we need to share who's doing the jobs and don't get me wrong there's different ones that Hy like I've never made the lawn in how many years 11 years of marriage um and there's things that he's never done so it's not it's not like we're doing everything in half like but you know that we do kind of share it out quite evenly but that works for us um but I think every family looks different and I guess my view is there's no right (44:32) way to do it it kind of depends what your circumstances are is as a family what your kind of financial situation is and kind of like what your workload looks like and that's that's quite varied but I I do think you need to be really clear on it or it can become quite messy yeah yeah what about you do um we've always had share accounts I mean and when we got married Julie inherited a huge debt and I you know was the same and it was she married me and my debts I I don't know what the debt was you know I know I carried it over when I was nursing and I just know we we you know (45:15) we had death and and we didn't have highly paid jobs but we had one account and um we just agreed you know what we would spend yeah you know it wasn't that you know you needed permission to spend but we would talk you know about you know significant expenditure yeah um it's all this conversation thing isn't it you know you know what you're saying there Han about um who does what I mean there's a conversation is it like say okay you know I'm I'm going to do that and do you know are you able to do this and I think (45:51) it's it's just a power of of conversation and yet lots of people don't have a conversation and they presume well he'll do that or she'll do that and then there's ANS but there not being done yeah you know I think it can become quite a source of stress for a lot of families though can't it absolutely you know I'm in my 40s now and we've got a lot of friends who are going through divorce at the moment um both Christian and not Christian and I think some of them probably just married very young and have grown apart and like their lives (46:28) have just gone in different directions um probably a couple of them shouldn't have got married but like a lot of them I think it's it's more just like that sort of smaller stuff that becomes big stuff and it just you know if you don't sort sort the little stuff it just grows doesn't it and it becomes a fence and then catch the foxes before they score the and there I think there's a lot of potential for that in marriage and um yeah you know our marriage is an exemp from either but I feel like yeah it's it's that thing of like um you know going back to sort of like share of load (47:07) it's like you know I have a lot of female friends who are like I'm carrying all the mental load for my children and what they need every day for school and and like what the family needs and the meal planning and all and and on and homework and on and on and on and you know when I'm also say working full-time or you know part-time and like quite full on jobs in some cases and then it's like it's that if you're not careful it becomes that well I'm doing this and you're doing that and I'm doing this but you're already doing that and you know you really have to like me and Andy (47:39) constantly say like we're a team but we're on the same side and you have to remind each other of that like it's not like me versus you like how much are you doing I'm doing this much you've got to keep that like you say Dave you've got to keep that conversation going remind yourselves like you're a team I think there's a book there for you yeah maybe seriously yeah because I think you know there's these um you know idiot books which I've read a couple and it really hasn't helped um but you know oh you actually mean the idiot's guide too guide (48:09) okay insulting yeah how to be an idiot people have the ability to do that I'm sure there is a book on that if you want to read it but I I think you know a real honest look book you know without saying if you do a and C you'll get this but I think bringing out you know people's story you know when we first get married I don't if I know it's Sunday but are we allowed to say sex know so much focuses around sex doesn't it you know especially for Christians especially for Christians yeah you know and um and that's why we need I think marriage prep can be a real blessing you know and (48:49) um yeah I just know it could be a real blessing it doesn't mean that you don't have those same challenges and you know and issues arise but um I think I you know I can I I can't tell you how many times I've heard what you said then you know from people and it's be like you're saying this to me I wonder how many times that lady has said that to her husband and not being heard I wonder how many times that husband has F undervalued because sometimes when we say things over and over those I'm just raising this little issue becomes an (49:21) accusation yeah you know and and it becomes really quite painful and and people grow up horse and we just need people I think it's this whole extended family where you know when we're sharing with friends because I think sometimes women tend to do this I might be wrong a bit more than men you know we don't say anything besides grunt or talking not of any great meaning I don't think I think we every man needs a really good friend he can stuff about or somebody you who's a little bit older um because I you know people come and talk to me and I'm like you know what (49:57) I've been through all them you know and I I still haven't got it all right and we don't need to be perfect and so seriously about that book I think you know those observations are are great there do you know what though the other thing that strikes me as you're talking then Dave is that actually like sex is often part of the reason why Christians get married very young isn't absolutely and I just you know I understand that but I also think it's a terrible reason to get married if that's one of the primary drivers absolutely um yeah it's but I think you know for me (50:31) like I got married a bit later and I think we have to get past and it's not just Christians I think it's cultural as well there like this fear of being alone yes which drives people to get married very young and sometimes they you know I've got two sisters who got married they're both younger than me and they got married much younger than I did you know my youngest sister met her husband while she was at University in fact before she went to University she did a gap year with w and met him at just 18 (50:59) and then as soon as she finish un she meet America with them you know and like that that was very young and but they just knew they were right for each other so sometimes it is right um but I think it's okay to be like I'll just wait I'll wait until the right person comes along I'll rush into it because I feel like all my friends are getting married and I'm insecure or I feel like I'm being left behind like I did have times when I felt like all my friends get married I'm I'm getting left behind here but I had (51:26) to just good and and I did that the right person will come at the right time and it should just like grab the first guy he like says Jo on a date yeah like just you know be sure that they're right person and don't feel that cultural pressure I think yeah yeah do do you think that um with the way uh Society is at the moment which is all very much me myself and I is it I mean it the big focus on live your truth you know do you do you it's all very self-centered you're not making me happy um you can't offend me (52:00) this is my right this is my identity and all the language is about self I don't know if you can have that in the context of family I mean you used the word earlier on about Selfless Love it's actually there has to be a is crucifixion the right word there has to be a crucifying of Self in order to have that relationship with you your spous and with with your kids right and in a culture that is constantly focusing on me rather than focusing on family I mean I don't know I I don't know what you guys think it it just feels like this we are we are promoting (52:43) selfishness and maybe one of the secrets to a happily to a a strong marriage to a strong family is selflessness I think so yeah I mean I feel like I like the yeah the whole thing of like marriage is about serving each other's needs and preferring each other and you know I think a lot of what we learn culturally is a relationship should fulfill you and make you whole and you know complete you and you know all that stuff you I grew up in the kind of chick flick era of movies you know and that's like kind of what was just thrown at us and and it's you (53:22) know it's it's not true like you're not going to find your core identity meaning and all your belonging and all your self worth in any partner and so yeah I I feel like we do need to turn up a bit on the head and be like this is about preferring each other's needs and serving one another you know like like the Bible talks about you know husbands should serve their wives as Christ serves the church right that's the order it's opposite of what can I get from this marriage is like I'm going to dump it when it no longer serves my needs I'm (53:55) not saying that's every you know not everyone gets divorced for that reason but it can be too easy to just be like oh this isn't fulfilling all of my wants and desires anymore so yeah you know and marriage will go through ups and downs won't it be times when you're you really connected and feel like you are really serving each other well and there'll be times when you're quite disconnected and like what's the point of this marriage you know and it's harder but having that as a benchmark is you know you can't go too (54:25) far wrong I don't think yeah I I think you know when we talk about um our it's almost like our rights yeah I have a right for this and I think that is fundamentally an unbiblical approach yeah I think it's more about our responsibility yeah you know um our responsibility for other people and um I think when sometimes people say you know I don't feel this and and I know Julie over the years has used this phrase you know maybe if you tried doing the right things you get the right feelings because people say I don't feel right about this but sometimes you just have to do what is right and you know I think (55:07) when we take up our responsibility appropriate for me I think God you know my heart yeah and I might be falling short in this but but you you know my heart is to honor yeah and and and to do this and um I think there is something of of of God you know God's grace in in relationship but I think a bit more focused on you know what's my responsibility in this situation rather than what is my right it changes and it reshapes things yeah yeah super powerful what's my responsibility not what's am my right I think that's it's yeah I (55:47) think in the world in which we live at the moment um I think I see Christianity as countercultural because it promotes family and not that sense of you can do this you've got this you know uh you work towards your goal you can be successful I often get asked you know because I go on a lot of podcasts they say to me what's your definition of success I'm always like to succeed at home first right because um I see a lot of successful business people with very broken marriages right and there's there's reasons for that which all start (56:21) off very Noble the guy you know they start to have a family the guy they need to ow more money the guy goes and gets the better job which usually means working longer hours the C the average hours work by CEO did you know this is 70 hours a week do you know what the average hours worked by an Uber driver is every week 70 same thing right and they're working harder and harder and longer hours which is taking them away from their wife and their kids in the pursuit of the finances to secure the marriage um we're seeing more and more women are (56:52) struggling to get back to work after having kids because of flexibility issues right um and they can't commute because they need to be home close to the kids and they need that flexibility so those jobs become increasingly harder and harder there are these Financial pressures and it and we see this and this promotion of this lifestyle and you kind of think I just I love the biblical response to this which is let's do family whether it's um natural birth family whether it's extended family let's just love each other leave the money to God and I'm not being CR when I (57:29) say this but do you mean let's see God as our provider let's see him as our source let's understand what contentment is all about prefer one another I don't know that seems to work yeah that's really interesting that you say that because it's it's that idea of um you know it's good to work and like you know earn a living and you know we all work hard don't we and and we're for that but at the same time it's that how much more how much more do you need to have like you know quite early on in our marriage really we decided you know we both work and we both have to pay the bills and we're in (58:06) a cost of living crisis so it's not cheap to own a house and pay for all the bills and stuff for any family but I feel like early on we decided we don't need a bigger house yeah we don't need like a better lifestyle that conal lifestyle Improvement then you have to work harder to get it's like actually it's contentment is really key think cuz you know I I'm I don't want to be little because people who don't have enough and I understand contentment you know is a hard thing it's like yeah but we have enough and and so being content with that and not constantly climbing up the (58:43) career ladder like I you know in the last 10 years since I've had been I've declined to go forward for like job promotions because I'm a middle manager in the NHS and it's a good work life balance for me and I feel like going any higher would be a lot more money a lot more commitment stress less flexibility and we've chosen that's not going to wa for our family and for our marriage and what's is it worth the cost um so yeah I think sometimes it's about making counter decisions isn't it to be content with what you have and I'm not saying (59:16) that people that you know are really short and struggling should be content with that but I think we also as a church have a role to play in helping those people to have enough yeah um yeah I think the vast majority of us do have enough If we're honest um it's how we measure enough yeah yeah exactly I mean measure well live in the richest I know the richest time ever in one of the richest Nations yeah exactly we're all in the one top what is it we're all in the one top one% yeah it's just crazy when you think (59:47) about it I I I think you know I think chur has a part to play absolutely right I think you know quite often we have this thing you know God is blessing you when you got a bigger job bigger car bigger house and I'm like why doesn't say that really doesn't definitely doesn't prom that the gospel isn't life Improvement is it the way we understand it culturally anyway you know and and I think I I'm not sure whether it changes as as you get older maybe because you made up all the mistakes and you all the pain but it's a bit like saying you know for me if we have this amount of money coming in this (1:00:26) is what we can afford to do you know we can trust God or it can't you know you know we can holiday here but if I want a holiday there I'm going to have to get a bigger job with more hours and it will pay you know more money but it will mean me being out of the house more and and initially the idea is people focusing on the extra money and then when they start feeling the impact of Dad or Mom being outs at a house long that it you know it causes attention and I think there's nothing wrong in was just thinking you know how can we learn to be (1:01:02) content with what God is given us you know and where God has placed us and um I I just think you know sometimes our especially in church I think that there are times I feel you know our families we can be busy doing so much with church you know our family is our I've always I've always said that's my priority I think I would have to say if I'm honest I'm not sure if that's always worked out that way um maybe sometimes for all the right reasons sometimes for all the wrong reasons um but I think there there is a contentment found in (1:01:37) God there's a book written um by somebody called your best life now and I've read it twice and I'm no better off now reading it because I don't know how you can have your best life now because you know what's Heaven going to be like yeah you know um and I think you know but and it's also it for me it doesn't bless those people who are going through difficulties at the moment yeah you know people through whatever difficulty they're going through they find themselves on the breadline finance is really tough they might have ill health in the family (1:02:11) whatever it is and and all those things as we get older you know growing your family can be challenging but I tell you you know as as you know we have all aging parents as me and you have both gone through that you know both our of past now but you know that brings different challenges you know and I think but in all these things there can be a contentment yeah and um but it's no less a challenge yeah and I think in all the things we've talked about you know this evening I think there's something about drawing closer to God and drawing in on God and I (1:02:49) think asking God you know what how do we do this yeah how do we do it you know and for me I would have to say the thing that is supported me and he said got me through and I'm sure that's true it's just you know reading the word I just found that has just been such a life source for me I don't mean like the horoscopes know me blessing for today I just mean you know some proper you know some proper story yeah you know um just saying that that God has made provision for our lives yeah you know no super powerful and I think it's a good place (1:03:28) to end cuz I'm aware of time um but yeah I think when it comes to family I remember um and I'll end it with the story I remember when I was thinking should I start dating or should I not just finished University I decided I was going to be single for a little while because I needed to understand what the Bible had to say about being a husband being a dad doing family because I just didn't get it and I would say to any of you out there actually that that's a really good place to start whether you've been married 20 years or (1:03:59) not just dig into what the Bible has say about marriage family you know for me being a dad um being a husband even extended family like I being a father to the fatherless being a father to those who AR my biological children I think if I'm honest with you if I I think one of the biggest calls on men is to be fathers isn't it really even outside of their own biological kids because I think there's such a need for it maybe that's a topic for another live yeah um but yeah study it out read the Bible find out what it's got to say because it is life-changing stuff and I think with contentment it's it's not (1:04:35) anti- ambition I don't think the Bible's anti- ambitious I think it's being ambitious in I want to we're going to get into this when we look in Philippians uh in October but this whole live a life worthy of the Gospel yes I I need to be ambitious about that I need to be ambitious about those kind of things and so um yeah I loved it loved tonight's conversation thank you so much for joining me ladies and gentlemen uh it's been an absolute treat I'm going to put the there we go that's come up on the website oh we've got some uh we've got Pastor Alexander in the comment I didn't even notice the comments I'm (1:05:08) really sorry uh greetings and God bless you Pastor Alexander hi Ana uh hi Matt uh in the comments thanks for your comments um have we missed any questions notice everyone sending their greens which is cool um so hello sorry on the board it's just because they're around the corner and I can't see them because Anna's camera here is in the way that's okay that's fine we'll fix that for next week um but yeah if you want to find out more information about the church uh if you want to get in touch with us you can (1:05:35) find out more information on the website crowd. church or on social media Crow church you can reach us through there uh if you got anything you'd like us to pray about family any of that sort of stuff we would love to pray for you and chat with you about that um and yeah I I think it's all there you can find it all there do come join us next week we're talking about work next week uh what does work look like for a Christian in the modern world uh and so I can't remember who's I think anyway I can't remember who's hosting next week anyway there's going to be a it's going to be a good conversation come join us I think is probably what I'm saying um you (1:06:11) can tell I'm profal so you think so uh that's it from us um again like I say if anything that has come up tonight you've got questions on or there's something there that you would like prayer for or anything then please do reach out to us we would love to hear from you um but in closing Dave anything else from you brother go on the journey with God okay it's as profound as that Anna no I think just if something stirred up from what we've been talking about tonight get in touch with us we'd love to chat (1:06:49) to you more yeah absolutely thank you so much for joining us uh we will see you next week that's it from the three of us uh bye for now thank you so much for joining us here on crowd church now if you are watching on YouTube make sure you hit the Subscribe Button as well as that little tiny bell notification to get notified the next time we are live and of course if you are listening to the podcast uh the live stream podcast make sure you also hit the follow button Now by Smashing the like button on YouTube or writing a review on on your podcast platform it helps us reach more people (1:07:29) with the message that Jesus really does help us live a more meaningful and purposeful life so if you haven't done so already be sure to check out our website www.c crow. church where you can learn more about us as a church more about the Christian faith and also how to connect into our church Community it has been awesome to connect with you and you are awesome it's just a burden you have to bear and hopefully we'll see you next time that's it from us God bless you
