How to deal with difficult People | Mark 11:27-33

How to Deal With Difficult People (According to Jesus)

Everyone has dealt with difficult people. The colleague who asks questions they do not actually want answers to. The family member who has already made up their mind before the conversation starts. The person on social media who is not interested in debate — just in proving you wrong.

Matt Edmundson opened this talk from Mark chapter 11 with a question that most people would instantly recognise: "How do you deal with difficult people? I mean, this is a great question, isn't it? Because let's face it, we've all had to deal with difficult people at some point. Maybe, just maybe, we've been a difficult person."

The good news, he suggested, is that Jesus had exactly the same problem. And the way he handled it offers some genuinely practical wisdom.

The Setup

The passage comes from Mark 11:27-33. Jesus was walking through the temple when the chief priests, scribes, and elders — collectively known as the Sanhedrin, the Jewish governing body — approached him with a pointed question: "By what authority are you doing these things? Or who gave you this authority to do them?"

On the surface, it sounds like a reasonable question. Underneath, it was anything but.

Matt gave some context. These leaders had already decided they did not like Jesus. He had recently overturned the money-changers' tables in the temple, disrupting a system that was robbing poor people and almost certainly lining the pockets of the religious leadership. They were furious, and they came with a single objective: to intimidate and trap him.

"They ask the question, but they clearly don't care about the answer to the question," Matt observed. "And this is a sure sign you are dealing with a difficult person."

Tip One — Have a Strong Sense of Identity

The first thing Matt drew out was the confidence in Jesus's response. Rather than being rattled or defensive, Jesus was completely secure in who he was.

"You can hear the confidence in Jesus's voice, can't you? You kind of get the sense that he knows exactly who he is and where his authority comes from. Difficult people struggle when the person in front of them is confident in who they are. People with a strong sense of identity are hard to control."

This is not about arrogance. It is about knowing where your value comes from. When your security is not dependent on what other people think of you, the power dynamics shift. The accusations and loaded questions lose their sting because they cannot reach the foundation of who you are.

Matt flagged this as the most important principle of the lot: "When we come to Christ, our identity shifts to him, and our identity is found in him. And it is so powerful when we understand this."

Tip Two — Ask Questions Instead of Making Statements

Here is where Jesus's approach gets tactically brilliant. Rather than answering the Sanhedrin's question directly, he asked one of his own: "Was the baptism of John from heaven or from man? Answer me."

Matt explained why this matters. "If Jesus makes a statement, then it becomes about who can shout the loudest to make their point." A statement creates polarisation. A question opens up a conversation.

He used a contemporary example. "Are you going to vote for Trump or Biden? Now, I could say Trump or I could say Biden. Depending on who is stood in front of me, this could ignite sparks and fires of massive proportions. But instead, maybe I turn around and say, well, that's a great question. Let me ask — what policies do you think are most important at this moment for our country? Now I have started a conversation."

The principle applies far beyond politics. In any heated exchange, the person making statements tends to create division, while the person asking genuine questions tends to create dialogue.

Tip Three — Seek First to Understand

Matt had recently spoken with a behavioural psychologist about the growing polarisation in Western culture. The psychologist introduced the concept of confirmation bias — the tendency to seek out information that confirms what we already believe and ignore everything else.

"Difficult people become difficult when I don't agree with them, as they have a confirmation bias," Matt explained. "If I agree with them, everything is okay, as I am confirming what they think."

The antidote, borrowed from Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, is to seek first to understand. Rather than trying to win the argument, try to see things from the other person's perspective.

James, the brother of Jesus, put it this way: "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger."

"This is something the world really needs right now, isn't it?" Matt reflected. "People who are willing to put aside their desire to shout and win an argument, to prove that the other person is wrong, stupid, and ignorant... we just need to understand them and engage in debate."

Tip Four — Get Them Thinking

Jesus's question to the Sanhedrin was not a deflection. It was strategic. He asked whether John the Baptist's authority came from heaven or from human origin, and the text says "they discussed it with one another."

They were no longer shouting. They were thinking.

"Notice that they are not shouting, right? They can't, because this conversation is not going the way that they thought it would," Matt pointed out. Jesus's question forced them to consider the implications of their own answer.

If they said John's baptism was from heaven, they would have to explain why they did not believe John's message — which included declaring that Jesus was the Messiah. If they said it was from human origin, they risked the crowd turning against them, because the people widely regarded John as a prophet.

They were stuck. And their response revealed something telling.

The Weakness of People-Pleasing

The Sanhedrin's answer was "We don't know." But that was not their actual opinion. They had a view — they believed John was not from God. They just could not say it publicly because, as the text notes, "they were afraid of the people."

Matt called this out directly: "This is, I think, weak leadership. People-pleasing. We have to seek first to understand, but that doesn't mean I should not have an opinion."

There is a difference between choosing not to share an opinion to maintain peace and being afraid to share an opinion because you want people to like you. The Sanhedrin were powerful men who, in that moment, were controlled by their fear of public opinion.

This loops back to the first principle. Without a strong sense of identity — without knowing who you are and where your authority comes from — the pressure to please people will override your ability to speak truth.

Putting It Together

The four principles work as a system. Start with identity: know who you are, and do not let difficult people shake that foundation. When challenged, ask questions rather than making statements. Seek to understand the other person's perspective before trying to be understood yourself. And use your questions strategically to move people from shouting to thinking.

Jesus did not shout the Sanhedrin down. He did not match their aggression with his own. He did not try to win a public argument. He asked a single, well-placed question that exposed the weakness in their position and left them with nowhere to go.

"Jesus knew who he was. He knew his mission. And he knew who sent him," Matt summarised. That security gave him the freedom to engage with hostile people without being destabilised by them.

The Uncomfortable Mirror

There is one more layer to this passage that Matt did not shy away from. The Sanhedrin were the difficult people in this story. But difficult people rarely see themselves that way.

"Maybe, just maybe, we've been a difficult person," Matt said at the start. It is worth sitting with that for a moment. Are there conversations where you have already made up your mind before the other person speaks? Are there situations where you ask questions not because you want answers, but because you want ammunition?

The principles Jesus demonstrated work in both directions. They help you navigate difficult people. And they help you avoid becoming one.

When was the last time you asked a genuine question in a disagreement — one where you were actually open to the answer?