Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, Singleness | Mark 10:1-12

Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, Singleness _ Mark 10_1-12 _ EXTENDED TEACHING Matt: [00:00:00] Boy, have we got some teaching for you guys today? Uh, this is Jesus' teaching about marriage, divorce remarriage. Singleness. Oh yes. This is definitely worth paying attention to as it is life changing marriage making stuff. Now, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Matt Edmundson, and this is part of the extended teaching that we have in our church On this particular passage in Mark, we're looking at Mark. Chapter 10 in our sort of study, three mark in the church services. But there's so much in this week's teaching that we wanted to do an extended teaching on it, and that is what you're watching. Uh, it is not by any stretch of the imagination an exhaustive teaching [00:01:00] on the topic. Uh, but I do want to give this tex some space. So we've got this extended teaching. Okay. Now, there are three things that I wanna mention right here at the start that I think are gonna help us as we go through this teaching. And number one. Is be like the disciples and ask your questions. Now, Jesus, when he was asked about this topic of relationships, he had a limited time to respond and so do I. Right? And one of the interesting things that happens in this passage is that, uh. When Jesus finishes teaching in the crowds, the disciples sort of want more explanation. Um, and so they came away from Jesus's initial teaching with some questions, right? And so they got to ask Jesus these questions later on. And I'm in that same situation. I've got a limited time to go through this and it's gonna cause you, I think, to come away with some questions. And you know what? That. [00:02:00] Is Okay. Uh, I would love to encourage you to do as the disciples did, and dig out the answers to the questions, right? Because too many times we just let things fester and we never really deal with them or get to the bottom of them. Uh, so as we go through, write out your questions if you want to put them in the questions below, uh, in the comments below this video, feel the freedom and we will do our best to answer them. Uh, you can also WhatsApp your questions, uh, to us and we will also look at those. Lemme put the, and there's the WhatsApp number. If you, uh, want to get in touch with us, you can get in touch with us via that number there. Um, so yeah, do put 'em in the comments. Give 'em in the WhatsApp. Uh, if you want a bit more privacy, but do be like the disciples do ask your questions. Okay? Uh, the second thing that I wanna say is that shame and secrecy will rob you of God's best. Now, no relationship is perfect. Every relationship has [00:03:00] issues, but it's what we do about those issues that makes a difference. Right. And when I mentioned this to John Harding, the pastor of Frontline Church, uh, and mentioned to him what we were teaching on, um, and asked him for any specific advice, he said this to me and I just thought it was worth mentioning and noting here, he said, interestingly, we find that in church cultures where you go hard on the absolutes. It can create a culture of secrecy, and people don't tend to talk about serious marital problems until it's too late because of the stigma. Okay, so specifically if you are a Christian couple and your marriage is in a difficult place, please, and I implore you with all that, I can speak to somebody about it. Be open, right? When you hold things in secret, you keep them hidden in the darkness and it's in the darkness that the enemy. Operates. But when you bring them into light, you bring things into God's kingdom. And [00:04:00] if there is any place you want your tripled marriage, trust me, it is in God's kingdom where grace abounds and he's involved rather than hidden in the secrecy and the shame you see, shame and secrecy will rob you of God's best. Okay. Number three, let God's grace abound towards you. Okay? So right here at the beginning, I wanna offer grace and hope to you whether you are single, whether you are married, whether you are divorced, or whether you are remarried. Whilst this teaching is gonna be challenging, it is from Jesus. So we know it is full of grace and we know it is full of hope. Okay, so, uh, grace abound. Let Grace abound. Remember that God is totally for you. He is not against you. Uh, he's for you if you are single. He is for you. If you are married. His grace abounds towards you, whether you are perfect or whether you have fallen short in the area of [00:05:00] relationships. God is a God of grace. He's a god of love and of forgiveness, and we should just breathe that in. Right here at the start, right? Let God's grace abound towards you. It's a good place to begin, isn't it? Let God's grace abound towards you now. I appreciate all of this or all of these three points or a sermon in themselves, but please understand these three key points as they will serve as a framework. Okay? Number one, be like the disciples and ask you question number two. Shame and secrecy will rob you of God's best. And number three, let God's grace a bound towards you. So with all of that said, uh, before we get into it, it's probably worth saying that I'm what I call a 50 50 dude, which simply means for the first half of my life I was single. And for the second part of my life, I have been married and I am very happily married. [00:06:00] I have to be honest with you. Uh, here's a picture of Sharon and me, uh, my beautiful wife and I on our wedding day. Don't we look young? Uh, here's another one. And it was a fantastic day. And let me tell you, I have loved being married. I've enjoyed my marriage, but my story is that my parents divorced when I was around nine right now. Back then in the eighties, uh, divorce was still pretty uncommon and I don't remember many kids growing up. Uh. With sort of staying mainly with their mum and then going for weekly trips with their, uh, weekly stays to their dad's house. Uh, that's what I did, right. Uh, we would step spend most of the time with mum, and one or two nights a week we would be at dad's house. Now, I, if I'm honest, I think it's definitely affected me. Um, and when I, especially when I was a teenager, I, I, I didn't treat women well. Uh, at all that I dated, it really wasn't until I was in church that I started to see happy [00:07:00] marriages and good relationships. It wasn't until then did I start to have hope that marriage could actually be good and I mean good. Not together because you had to be together, but being together because you actually wanted to be together. You enjoyed being married. And it was remarkable really. So I became super excited about the idea of marriage. Uh, but, and it was a big, but I just wasn't ready for it and God knew it, right? So I made a decision not to date anyone for a season. And I went to the scriptures and I read, uh, a lot about dating and sex and marriage and so, so much so that I ended up writing a study called Dating Sex and Marriage, funnily enough. And it was like my creed, if you like, and it took me ages to put it together. And whilst my, uh, so-called best friends. Out this guide to ridicule me, uh, in my wedding, in their speech, [00:08:00] and rightly so. If I'm honest with you, it must have worked because here I am 22 years later, like I said, a very happily married man and there aren't that many people that can say that. But in all of this, I realize that I am the exception and this is not the rule, both inside and outside the church, right? I have seen the heartbreak of divorce, um, what it can bring. And so that's why I say this, this Jesus teaching is sort of life changing, marriage making stuff. And when we follow it, good things will happen. Okay. So let me guide you through the outline of this extended teaching. So you know where we're gonna go with this. And alongside that, I'm gonna. Well, we're gonna get into it, right? Uh, we're gonna just crack on and have a bit of film with this, right? So, uh, let's bring up the first slide. Number one, this is the first part of the outline. We are gonna learn that divorce was easy to do and, uh, was a wide practice ju then, [00:09:00] as it is today, right? So not just to today, but in Jesus' day. This was a wide and easy practice to do. Number two, Jesus identifies. The real reason for divorce. Uh, and number three, uh, marriage has been around since the dawn a time. That's what we're gonna discover. And then the fourth thing that we're gonna see is Jesus explains what marriage actually is a divine union. And it's because of this reason. Lemme just take a little side step here. It's because of this reason, because marriage is a divine union from God that I think one of the key areas that the enemy attacks and we need to be aware of it is marriage. Okay? Marriage is from God and it's super important. Uh, area number five in our outline is Jesus Gives an, an, gives an exception to the Divorce rule, uh, which we'll get into. Uh, the sixth thing we learn is that Jesus tells us that remarriage is possible in exceptional [00:10:00] circumstances. And the seventh thing that we're gonna look at is Jesus validates singleness or being single. He's gonna validate that. Okay, so let's jump straight into section number one. Uh, and that is we learned that divorce was easy to do and a wide practice jut as it is today. And let's look at the scripture. So we're starting in Mark chapter 10 verses one through two. And this is our verse. These are verses that we're gonna be looking at in today's teaching. Um, and it starts seeing Mark chapter. 10 verses one and two. Jesus then left the place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Now again, crowds of people came to him and as was his custom, he taught them. Uh, some Pharisees came and tested him by asking. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? Wow. So this is how Jesus teaching on relationship starts. Uh, it starts with what seems [00:11:00] to be a simple question from the Pharisees. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? Yes or no? Now I wanna mention, uh, right this right here, because the wording of this question is important, right? Because in Jewish culture it was okay for a man to divorce his wife, but it was not okay. For a wife to divorce her husband. Right? And we will. And what we're gonna see a lot in this passage, right? A lot of Jesus' teaching here is actually going to restore the status of women and protect them. And this is important because we can easily miss it in the modern culture. Okay? And to help us with this, I wanna bring in the parallel passage from Mark's Gospel. Um, and it's gonna add a little bit more detail. So here we go. Uh, it's not Mark's gospel, Matthew's Gospel, Matthew 19 verse. Three. Right? So some Pharisees came to him to test him, and they asked him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Okay? And [00:12:00] this is important. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Yes or no? Okay. Now why would they ask that question? Okay. There is a backstory here that is important for us to understand when reading this scripture, and it's gonna give us some great context for this question. Okay. So when a first century Jew came and asked, when am I actually allowed to get a divorce from my wife, the passage they would turn to is this one, uh, Deuteronomy 24. And it says this, if a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her. And he writes her a certificate of divorce and it goes on and you can, uh, read that. Okay? And it gives some more instruction around this topic, but this is the passage that they would turn to. Now, at the time there were two key schools of thought, uh, on divorce. But the main one, the providing one in the culture at the time was from the Hill, the Hillel School of Thinking. I hope I pronounce that right. Uh, and they [00:13:00] interpreted this scripture by focusing. In on the word something or some, they found something indecent about her. So let me pull that scripture back up. So you see that word there? Something, he finds something indecent about her and they focused on that word in this passage. And that could be literally anything. As long as you found it indecent, which I think is just pretty nuts, right? I mean, talk about twisting it, right? It becomes incredibly flexible, and in fact, in the Talmud, there is a recording of the debate between the two schools, the Hillel and the Shemi School, and they use. An example, they record an example which says even if she spoiled his dish, in other words, if the wife spoils his dinner, since it is said that he is found in decency in her, in anything. I mean, wow. Right. Imagine being able to divorce your wife [00:14:00] because you didn't like how she cooked your last meal. I mean, how. Utterly shameful and broken is that line of thinking, right? So when the Pharisees ask Jesus, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife, they are basically asking, is it a man's right to divorce his wife any time that he wants to and for any reason? Okay, so let's head back to the gospel. Uh, this is why, this is why Matthew records it, right? He wants you to understand that this was the pervading line of thinking, right? Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Now, before we get too hard on the first century Jews, um, let me ask you a question. Do you think we have a better view in modern society? Yes or no? Because, well, lemme just say, [00:15:00] uh, I got married in 1998, right? And according to UK Stats, almost 40% of the couples that got married in the same year that Sharon and I did are now divorced. Okay? They're now divorced. 40% of marriages have ended, and the main reason. They cite is because of unreasonable behavior. Okay? Unreasonable behavior is the most commonly used grounds for divorce. So what is unreasonable behavior? Well, I Googled it, of course, and here are some of the most common examples. Uh, number one, falling out of love. Number two, going different paths. Number three, lack of support. Number four, disrespectful demeaning controlling behavior. Number five, lack. Of sex and emotional connection. Number six, fallouts with family members. Number seven, arguing over money. Number eight, [00:16:00] stressful working hours or feeling second in line to the other person's career. Number nine, having an affair or committing adultery. And number 10. Differences in raising the kids. Okay? So this is what is all cited, and Christians are not exempt from these stats or these reasons. So just like the first century Jews, we can find ourselves going to Jesus and saying, can I divorce my spouse? For any of these reasons, they are culturally acceptable, but what do you think? Okay, so that's how this teaching is started and that's where we begin. So. Uh, we learned divorce was easy, uh, to do and was a wide practice, but in this bit now Jesus identifies the real reason for divorce. Okay, so the Pharisees have gone. Oops, Daisy, Pharisees have gone to Jesus. Uh, and they've asked him the question, is it, uh, possible to get a divorce for any and every reason? Jesus' response is this, what did Moses command [00:17:00] you? He replied, they said, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. Now. In other words, the Pharisees are saying that they think you can get a divorce for any reason because of what Moses wrote. Nu teas, right? Jesus' response here I think is pretty simple and subtle, but we've gotta take note of it. In effect, Jesus knows a source of their question. And it's that Old Testament passage that Moses wrote that we read earlier, and so we asked them. What did Moses actually say? He takes them back to the Bible, which is always a great place. Let me tell you to go when you have questions. And the reason Jesus takes them straight to Moses's teaching is because I think they have a twist. They have twisted meaning into one specific word. Remember the word some something, and they did this to get the outcome. That they wanted, which is something I'm gonna cover more in the between Sunday videos. So do watch out [00:18:00] for them. Make sure you subscribed. If you dunno what the between Sunday videos are, they're these sort of videos we put up during the week between the Sunday teaching, uh, to try and help expand on it and maybe look at areas we don't get to cover on the Sunday. So this is one area I definitely want to pick up on. Let me tell you. Uh, and it is worth pointing out that, uh, what we are reading today, and listen to me here, I've mentioned this already, what we're reading today is not a complete teaching on marriage, divorce, remarriage and singleness. It really isn't. The Bible has a lot to say about the topic. So if we just hone in on one or two verses, or even one or two words in those verses, I don't think it's particularly helpful if we've not considered. Sort of the big picture, what the rest of scripture has to say about this topic. Because if we do that, if we just take one or two verses or one or two words, we run into the same issues that the Pharisees run into. Uh, and that is basically the creation of some [00:19:00] very twisted and dodgy theology, which we wanna avoid, obviously. So, uh, we start, we read at the start, um, or we read the start of, let me put it that way, uh, what Moses said in Deuteronomy 24. But can I encourage you, read the rest of that passage and ask yourself this simple question, why was this recorded in scripture? Okay. So to answer that, I wanna look at another practice that was happening, okay? And actually still happens today to try and. Give some kind of context. And it's this idea of the 24 hour marriage. Now this is a practice we still see today. Uh, and it was rife at the time of Moses, okay? So the belief was that you had to be married to have sex with a woman. And lemme just say right here, right now, I believe wholeheartedly that actually you do not have sex until you are married. Sex outside of marriage is not biblical. Um. I wish I had time to rock and roll in that. But that's not the purpose of this teaching, but it's worth [00:20:00] understanding that I think sex is in the context of marriage. Okay? And so this is what they thought. So, um, if I have to have sex in marriage, then I would marry somebody, have sex with them, because if it's easy to divorce them, then. You know, quids in, right? Uh, you would basically marry a woman, sleep with her, and then divorce her the next day. So you'd have these 24 hour sham marriages, and then maybe another man comes along, marries her for 24 hours, sleeps with her and divorce her. And then maybe the first guy comes back to her, marries her again, sleeps with her again, and divorces her again. And this is. Whew, this is what they believe was right before God. I mean, come on guys. It doesn't, it doesn't take a genius to stop and figure out, uh, that this is just nothing but a perverse form of prostituting women and trying to justify it in the side of God. It's evil and it's what happens when men try and find a way around a law because they don't like it. [00:21:00] Now, it's more than likely that the passage in Deuteronomy, the Moses passage, uh, was recorded to stop this practice of the 24 hour marriage as it was evil, it was immoral, and it robbed the life and rights of women and basically turned them into sex slaves. Okay, and this practice of the 24 hour marriage was also happening at the time of Jesus. And so I am super keen to see Jesus' response. I don't know about you. I really want to know what he's gotta say about this. Okay? So think about why Moses wrote the passage. Think about what's going on, and let's look at Jesus' response. It is because, or it was because your hearts were hard, that Moses wrote this law. Jesus replied, I mean, ouch. The only reason that this law had to be written was because of the hardness of men's hearts. Now this tells you something right there, right? And by saying this, he [00:22:00] rejects their idea that you can divorce a woman for any reason that you deem. Reasonable for divorce. Okay? And he firmly closes the door on the abuse of women for sex. And we need to see this. We need to understand this, that Jesus was a champion of women and women's rights, okay? As is the Bible. Now, this idea that you cannot divorce for any reason. Is as revolutionary now as it was then. Okay? You cannot divorce for any reason. This is what Jesus is saying. Now, let me be clear on this. That doesn't mean that Jesus is opposed to any possible divorce, one person said, but he is opposed to a divorce for any possible reason. Okay? Now. Hardness of hearts. This is what happens when your life and motives become about you, right? A hard heart is a selfish heart. It is a heart that will not listen to any reason or any counsel that [00:23:00] causes you to sacrifice the idol of you for the service of others. You will not do that right? And as such a hard heart is one that fundamentally cannot hear or receive. The Council of God, you are selfish and independent, and as such, very, very unlikely to succeed in marriage. So because of that, because of the hardness of your heart, Moses gives some guidance on divorce that fundamentally prohibits the prostitution of women. Not because divorce is right, not because it is good, but because you are stubborn and hard hearted. Whew. Or in Mat Talk, Jesus is basically saying to the Pharisees, the only reason this law exists is because you are a numpty, a complete and utter, selfish, self-centered pig of a man. Ouch. Right? Would you, I mean, just be in that Crowd at this particular point. Goodness me. So Jesus identifies the reason that they want to get divorced, and it's [00:24:00] not pleasant. Okay. Number three, marriage has been around since the div, uh, divorce of time marriage has been around since the dawn of time. Goodness me, man. Uh, so now Jesus is gonna go, uh, and take them back to basics, right? He's gonna take 'em back to basics and refer them to some other scriptures to bring balance to their thinking. We can learn from that. Okay, so in Mark chapter 10, verse six, uh, Jesus says them, but at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. So what is happening is Jesus has taken them right back to the Book of Genesis, the beginning of time. This is before the fall. It is before sinners enter the world. Which I find incredible because marriage as an idea, as an institution, as something beautiful, as something divine has been around since the dawn of time. Okay, so Jesus takes us back to the very beginning. That's amazing, [00:25:00] isn't it? Okay. Alright. Outline section number four. Jesus explains what marriage is a divine union. Now remember, he's talking to the Pharisees, right? These guys who thought they knew everything, they thought they were like. Super smart. So smart that they could catch Jesus out here with this question. But boy, were they wrong. I mean, proper wrong, right? They are getting a, what is termed a good old fashioned schooling from Jesus. Now, part of me chuckles when I read this and go, oh my goodness, but the other part of me is like, I'm just so glad it's not me. Do you know what I mean? So let's read the rest of this passage here Now. And bring the slide up. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a beautiful picture of [00:26:00] what happens when you get married, right? I like what the message translation writes here. It says, in the original creation, God made male and female to be together. Because of this, a man leaves his father and mother, and in marriage he becomes one flesh with the woman. No longer two individuals, but forming a new unity. I love that. No longer two individuals, but forming a new unity. So United is like, it's a permanent bond, right? God designed marriage with permanency in mind, and it's a beautiful and sacred thing. Two people become one, and it's more than just a contract that you can break away from anytime you want to, right? Because the two have become one. That's the big deal, and that's what we read. But then Jesus goes on and says something, which I find is a little bit surprising. Lemme bring that. In effect, he says, for this reason, a man will leave his [00:27:00] father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they're no longer two, but one. In other words, Jesus seems to repeat himself here, and do you know what? It's deliberate because he's jumping all over another false idea that they had. At the time, and we would call that polygamy, right? This whole idea and all of this idea stems from twisting another word in the Bible to mean something that it was never intended to mean. Okay? So let's look at that verse, uh, here in Genesis, right? This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh. Now, that was a school of thought at the time, uh, that the word they, so if I bring that up, you see, and they become one flesh. So again, this, you'll see his twist in words, right? So they could mean multiple because it didn't explicitly say two, in other words. Implicit in the text is that Adam and Eve were married [00:28:00] and that it was two people, right? Two people uniting. But because it doesn't explicitly say that two people become one flesh, uh, but rather it says they become one. Then people have over time interpreted that to mean that they can marry more than one wife because they become one flesh, not just two. Now I know this is twisted and nuts, you know, this is twisted and nuts, but for a lot of people, even today, this is a reason for them to take more than one wife. So Jesus makes it really clear to his audience that in his opinion, they is actually two. And repeats this just to be clear. Okay? So, uh, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Okay? He clearly identifies it as two, not they, uh, to put an end to this nonsense. So marriage is monogamous. It is between two people [00:29:00] and only two people now, remember. That again, this is quite radical in your face teaching at the time. It is properly challenging all of their beliefs. Okay? And so. Let's carry on. Jesus goes on to say, therefore what God has joined together? Let no one separate. It's pretty awesome, isn't it? Jesus is telling us that marriage done right, where two people unite into one flesh, they are joined together. By God himself, and just think about that. I mean, just get it. It's amazing. God has joined you together. Now, ideally, in my opinion for Christians, there should never be divorced because if two people are living for Christ, then they shouldn't really have a reason to get divorced, right? There is no real reason to separate what God has joined together when you are living in a biblical marriage. But I also appreciate that this [00:30:00] is ideal and ideal isn't always reality. Okay? So I want you to note that Jesus doesn't say that nothing can separate the two, but he's warning us. He says, don't let anyone. Separate. You don't let no one separate you. Right. That sounds like it's your choice. It's my choice. Sharon and I have to do everything that we can to make sure that nothing separates us. That's our choice. It's our decision. It's our task, if you like. In our marriage, we have to keep short accounts with each other. Uh, we have to make sure that no one else is starting to take up the space of our spouse in our lives. We have to work at our marriage. We have to fight for our marriage. We have to protect our marriage from these things because Jod Jod, because God has joined us together in this amazing divine, sacred union. And because of that, like I said earlier, it's open to attack. So we cannot let [00:31:00] anything separate us. Okay, let's carry on. So when they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. Now, if you've been following along with our live streams, you'll remember that a few weeks ago I talked about the mountain, the workplace, the road, and the private place. And you can see that teaching, uh, from a few weeks ago, if you wanna catch up with that, right? And here we see Jesus in the crowds talking to the Pharisees. Um, and then he sort of talks to the disciples in. The private place, right? So the disciples heard the sermon, but like I said at the start, that caused a whole lot of questions in their head because Jesus was challenging their thinking. So they had questions. So if you have questions, search 'em out. Dig 'em out, right? Because that's what the disciples had to do. They wanted more information, okay? And they went to the private place to hammer this out with Jesus. Okay. It's important stuff. So once in the private place, his disciples asked him to explain it again. [00:32:00] Right? And this intrigues me 'cause it gives us insight into the fact that Jesus really has just gone and rocked their thinking somewhat. Uh, they heard what they heard, but they definitely needed more explanation. I dunno if any of you are feeling like that right now. You're in good company, trust me. Okay. So Jesus obliges them and he explains it further. Okay? And this is where we're gonna move to section five. Jesus gives us an exception to the divorce rule. Okay? So Jesus talking to his disciples says to them that, uh, anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. So Jesus has now added into the mix this idea. Of adultery. But before we get into the question of adultery, there is a subtlety. A subtlety. It's not an easy word to say around this verse that I want to draw out. Okay, so let me bring it up on screen. And he answered [00:33:00] them. Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And for years, I want you to know, I just read over this. As obviously these words make sense in my mind, but that's because I live where I do. I live in the culture that I live in. But again, think first century Jew. This was revolutionary at the time because in that culture and in this context, it would've been, uh, okay. Um, sorry. It would've been that the man was sinned against. Not that he was sinning against his wife, but actually that he was sinned against. And so Jesus highlights is actually the woman who is sin sinned against Jesus is restoring and protecting the status of women again, which is amazing. Uh, but something that we can easily miss, uh, as we're not part of that culture or thinking. Do you see what I mean? So. It is good to understand. I really love getting into this stuff like this. So why does Jesus tell us if we divorce and [00:34:00] marry another, we are committing a adultery? So the first idea could be that if you get a divorce for reasons outside of the biblical expectation, outside the biblical exceptions, expectations, the biblical exceptions for divorce, right? So if you get divorced for something. Other than what the Bible is giving you as an exception, then that doesn't mean necessarily that you are free from your moral obligation to your spouse, especially if you are a Christian couple. Okay? Which is why we often hear of Christian couples who separate but then get back together after that separation. And this is what Paul talks about, the Apostle Paul talks about in the book one Corinthians, he says this. To the married, I give this command, not I, but the Lord a wife must not separate from her husband, but if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and a husband must not divorce his.[00:35:00] Wife. Okay. So if you are watching this as a Christian in a Christian relationship and you are separated, one of the best bits of counts I've ever heard on this was simply this, do not allow anyone into your life, into that space that your spouse once filled. Okay. As this will destroy your marriage, remain unmarried, and seek reconciliation, and the time apart just may be a time of healing. Now, all of that said, as I said at the start, there are exceptions to divorce. That are worth mentioning here that the Bible talks about. And whilst I don't think divorce is the right course of action almost all of the time, I also don't think that Jesus is blind to the fact that we live in a fallen world. And there is this difference, as I mentioned, between what is ideal and what is reality, okay? Now, these exceptions, I believe, would free the spouse from the marriage covenant and they [00:36:00] would be free to marry again. Okay. And the three exceptions that I think are talked about in scripture, I'm just gonna cover them simply, uh, are adultery, abandonment, uh, and abuse, specifically extreme abuse. Um, we have to be careful when we use the word abuse in terms of how we define it. So I, I've put their extreme abuse. So in the parallel passage from Matthew's go in the parallel passage from Matthew's gospel, Jesus says this right? He says, I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery. Okay? So that would be, um. Adultery, you would commit adultery if the, if, um, you divorce someone for the reasons, uh, we talk about, right? It's just sex outside of marriage or something, or sex with someone other than your spouse. Violate something that is deeply sacred, which is why even today, couples [00:37:00] that don't have faith, adultery is such a betrayal and it is so hard to come back from. Okay, now, I don't think it's impossible to come back from adultery. And there are many stories of God's forgiveness and his grace work in miracles in people's lives, a adultery. Trust me. Doesn't have to be the end of the line for a relationship, but it is recognized by Jesus as a poss possible reason for it. Okay, so there's adultery, then there's abandonment. Uh, and in one Corinthians seven 15, uh, it says this, but if the unbeliever are talking about an unbelieving spouse, so this is a Christian, married to a non-Christian, so if the unbeliever departs, let him depart, a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. In other words, if you are married to an unbeliever who leaves, then let them go. Okay. You are not under obligation in that matter. And I think this could also, um, apply. Uh, this principle would also apply to people who would call themselves Christians, but maybe they're [00:38:00] a Christian in name only because they're not living for Jesus. They're not listening to him. They're not receiving the instruction that comes their way. And Matthew 18 talks about this. It talks about treat, it tells you to treat them as an unbeliever in such case. Doesn't necessarily call them an unbeliever, but we are to treat them as such. And so I think you are free from that commitment if something like that happens now. Let me just pause here a minute and say as clearly as I can that whilst I think there are exceptions to the no divorce rule, if you are in a marriage and you are looking for a way out and you take anything that I have said as your reasoning for a divorce, especially if you are a Christ follower, then I think. If I'm being honest, and Can I say this gently? I think you've missed the points. Okay. I talk about these exceptions with great sort of trepidation, knowing that people could easily abuse and [00:39:00] misinterpret what I have said and I be you. Please do not do that. Okay? I believe that God is for marriage and we've gotta fight hard for them. Okay? But there are some exceptional circumstances. So that was number five, number six. Let's go on to this. Okay, so outline area number six. Jesus tells us that remarriage is possible in exceptional circumstances. So let's jump straight into the verse. Matthew 19, verse nine. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife for, uh, except for sexual immorality. And marries another woman commits the adultery. So for me, what's interesting about this verse is I, I interpret this, um, and it's my interpretation of Jesus saying that remarriage is possible if you are free from the covenant of the first marriage. If you are, if you're not free from the covenant of the first marriage. Even if [00:40:00] you are divorced, you could still not be free from that government. Like I said, then remarriage would be classed as adultery and that's how I would interpret this scripture. Okay. Now let me just say something again 'cause I think it's super, super important, right? If you are divorced and you are divorced for reasons not given in scripture, I, you got divorced for something that was not one of the exceptions that. You know, as outlined in the Bible, then let me tell you, God's grace abounds towards you when you seek his forgiveness and his restoration, right? I am firmly convinced of that. We have all sinned, me as much as anybody, right? We have all sinned and fall short the glory of God. We all need his grace to move forward in life and grow, and you just no exception, okay? And the good news is he does that for you. He extends his grace. His grace abounds towards you. If you are a couple in crisis, and if you are a Christian couple, I want you to know that there is hope for you and your marriage, and that again, [00:41:00] his grace is enough for you to make this work. If both of you will fight for it, it may be hard and it will be painful, but with God, all things are possible, and as I said at the start, if this is used. Please don't hide in secrecy and shame because that's where the enemy operates, right? Bring it into the light, please. I implore you. It doesn't have to be this way. Okay? If you have divorced for reasons that are not given in scripture and you have remarried, then you should stay marriage and you should honor that second marriage, right? Because that's where God's grace is and his. And that's just how God works, right? Regardless of where we are in life, if we turn to him, if we acknowledge our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins, and his grace is extended towards us, and we can move on in newness of life. Amen. Just want to emphasize that point really, because marriage is a reminder for us to live a holy life, right? It is more than [00:42:00] just an agreement to live together until you don't like each other. Right. Trying to be a good person, uh, trying to be a good husband, but fundamentally is based in selfish thoughts and intent is not the way forward for life. Lemme tell you. Jesus takes marriage, reminds us that God joins us together. Okay? So when Jesus clarifies this and what marriage is, it's this, this divine union, he then clarifies our thinking about divorce and he stops this mistreatment of women and he returns marriage to where God it intends to be. This passage. And after he explains this more fully to the disciples in the, sorry, I'm laughing because I know what's coming next. Uh, when he explains this to the disciples in the private place, right, and the disciples start to understand the mind and the heart of Jesus towards marriage and how it's so very different to the culture and society at the time, the disciples then ask another question. So let's get into this. The final area, Jesus validates being [00:43:00] single. Now in Matthew 1910, the disciples said to him, if this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it would be better. Or is it better not to marry Maiden? It's not good. Let me read this properly. So the disciple said to him, if this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it is better not to marry. I mean, that's a statement and a half, isn't it? Jesus has challenged their thinking so much that they think. It's better not to actually get married. They're like, what's the point of marriage if I've gotta do all of this? Right? That's how much he has rocked their world. Uh, because a call to marriage, I think is a hard one, right? And we should just not rush into it or take it lightly. Um, in fact, they're the vows, aren't they? In the church. Uh, we, we don't rush into it. We do not take, take it lightly. But if the disciples make this statement though, and this is why I'm laughing, I just wonder what the state of their marriages were like. What were their wives like to go? Yes.[00:44:00] So let's look at Jesus' answer. Uh, and I wanna read from the message translation to help us understand it, right? And it's this. Okay, so Matthew 19, verses 11 and 12, uh, Jesus said Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude in grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Let me just say that again. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some from birth seemingly never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked or accepted, and some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the large of largeness of marriage, do it. Uh oh. Dunno why that text is on that verse after that. There we go. Uh, so let's look at this. Jesus doesn't say that. Jesus says that not everyone should get married. And this is important, right, especially for Christians. Now, as I said at the start, I have been married for, uh, what, 22 years now, coming up to 23 years. Uh, and you saw [00:45:00] the photos from my wedding day, right? But before I was married, I had been single for 25 years. Okay. And that's the commonality amongst us. We have all have, all of us have been single, but not all of us get married. And this is impo. I keep saying this phrase, this is important, but it is. It is really important because so much of our culture is built around couples. This is true of society as a whole, but it is especially true of church culture. At the time of Christ, it was thought, check this out. It was a sin if the men were not married by the time they were 21. If you weren't married by the time you were 21, you were in sin. And in a lot of ways, we have carried this over into the church too, right? Single people have almost been made, well say almost. I think single people are often made to feel second best, and uh, it's really not the case, um, as Jesus shows us, right? Jesus. I mean, that's just black and white. Okay. [00:46:00] Did you know that one third of the adult population in British churches are single? Now, some choose a life of singleness and others are single and frustrated about being single, uh, but the Bible is really, really positive about singleness. Okay, let me say that again. The Bible is very, very positive about singleness. Paul was single, John the Baptist was single. Jesus was single. Despite what Hollywood try and get us to believe, uh, and we could just genuinely leave it right there. Three of some of the most influential men of all time. What? All single. Okay, so we know what Jesus has said about seeing us. We've just read it. But what did Paul have to say about it? Let's look at that. So one Corinthians seven, verse seven. I wish that all of you were as I am, IE single, but each one of you, uh, has your own gift from God. One has this gift and another has that. So here Paul is calling singleness a gift from God. He isn't Speaking of a particular ability, I don't think of someone to stay contentedly single. That's not what [00:47:00] I'm saying at all. And you know, I think what he's saying is actually. The state of singleness. So, um. As long as you are single, treat it as a gift from God. If you are married, treat that as a gift from God, right? Whatever situation you find yourself in life, we should receive that, whether it is singleness or whether it is marriage, whether we're together, or whether we're not as a gift of God's grace to us and treat it as such. Let's take a little, another little sidestep here. The Bible talks about two key advantages of being single. Okay? And I want married couples. I really want you to pay attention to this 'cause it's super important. We have so often forgot that we were single and have forced marriage on singles as an idea without really thinking this through. And the Bible's super clear on. One Corinthians 7 28. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. Oh, that's good news. And if a virgin marriage, she has not sinned either, but those who marry will face many troubles in this [00:48:00] life. And I want to spay you this. I mean, oh my goodness. Notice here that Paul clarifies it's not a sin to get married. Um. Which is the complete opposite of what they were teaching in the culture at the time. I mean, this is countercultural because they were like, it's a sin not to be married. And here Paul is saying, no, no, no, it's not a sin to get married. I'm like, whoa, that's bonkers. Right? Um, but the other thing to notice here is Paul says, those who get married. Check it. Look, those who get married will face many troubles in this life. This is something that I normally talk to you about in Hollywood, is that it's not, this is not the dream, dreamy, romantic version of marriage that we like, so it is just gonna bring you many troubles in life. So being single, you avoid those troubles, right? In other words, as I said earlier, marriage is hard work. It's something you have to fight for and protect, and it brings its own set of troubles with it. Now Paul goes on to say in the same passage of scripture, I would [00:49:00] like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord, but a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world and how he can please his wife and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband. Okay? So the second advantage of being single is that you can devote yourself more fully to the work of God. Now, I appreciate. Especially if you are single, you would've probably had enough of people saying this to you. Right. You may not even see it as a good thing, but trust me it is true nonetheless. 'cause it's in the Bible. So we know singleness has its advantages. Um, we know that Jesus and Paul. And John the Baptists were single. We know that both Paul and Jesus [00:50:00] actually validate singleness as something that is good and righteous and holy. But we also know, I know from experience singleness is hard and our culture and our church culture, especially, like I said, is built on this idea of couples and relationships are often glorified in church, much more than singleness. Okay? Which means being single. Can be super isolating and just plain lonely. And if I'm honest, I don't think the church, uh, deals with singleness. In a healthy way. I'm not just saying our church. I'm just the church as a whole, right? Christians don't always deal with singleness in a healthy way, especially married Christians, and I apologize to you if the church or Christians have made you feel second best, isolated and lonely. It's not good. Okay. Now speaking of not good, one of the first things recorded in the Bible [00:51:00] is Genesis two 18 where it says, uh, the Lord God said it is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. It is not good to be alone. That's the phrase, okay des, bear that in mind. It is not good to be alone. Now, I want to, uh, encourage you. If you are single, get into a family, get into friendships. Please don't be alone. Don't just think that if you are single and fit in lonely to solve that you need marriage. Now, maybe the marriage is the answer, but it's not all that God has for you. Uh, and all that God is limited to. Okay? But don't be alone. We see this with Paul and we see it with Jesus. They were both single, but they had family and they were part of a family, and that's a biblical thing, right? Psalm 68, verse six says, God sets the lonely in families, so get involved with families. [00:52:00] But don't think of singleness as second best. Singleness may be not where you stay, but if you are here now, make sure that you receive it as a gift from God. Focus on the things of God and just get involved with family. I appreciate that. Sounds over simplistic, but I hope you get my heart in this right. I really, really do. So there you go. I mean, that was Jesus's quick teaching on marriage, divorce, remarriage and singleness. And in this short space of time, we've crammed a lot in. There's a lot in there, isn't there? But let me tell you, there is a lot to cover and I want to end with this thinking, right? And in terms of what we've looked at so far, and I wanna say this, Jesus has dealt with the why of marriage. Okay. He's dealt with the why. Why marriage, why marriage is important, why God did what he did, why [00:53:00] divorce is the last resort for us. Why is it important to God, et cetera. He's talked about the why sort of the big picture. What Jesus hasn't done here is get necessarily, he is not got down into the sort of the nitty gritty with the how of marriage. How do I do marriage well? How do I be a good husband? How do I be a good spouse? How do I deal with the tricky situation I find myself in? Where's the practical application of all of this? Well, um, Jesus dealt with the, the why much more than the how in this passage. So I'm gonna suggest that, uh, wherever you are and in whatever relationship state you are in, uh, always start with this. Why start with the fundamentals, the purpose, the reasoning, the understanding behind it. So if for example, your marriage is in trouble, then looking at these fundamentals is essential, right? Start here. Understand that the understand the why of marriage. Um, understand that God has a [00:54:00] plan for your marriage and that you are committed to it and that you are committed to fighting for your marriage. Then the two of you together can understand the how. Okay, and this comes from studying scripture, from seeking counsel and reading books on the topic and so on. Okay? But you've gotta get the fundamentals, the basic principles in place. So let me close by restating what I said at the start. Let me bring that slide up. Number one, be like the disciples and ask your questions. We've only had an hour or so to go through this teaching, and we have honestly only just scratched the surface on what the Bible has to say about marriage. So I want you to dig in and ask your questions. Number two, shame and secrecy, uh, will rob you of God's best. Don't keep stuff hidden. Don't feel ashamed if your marriage is in trouble, but rather be encouraged that God's grace is there for you, which is number three. Let God's grace abound [00:55:00] towards you. You have to let the grace of God abound towards you. That means you can stop it right. Uh, but his grace is there in such an abundance for you and his grace is more than enough. I hope you've got something out of this. Let me just bring up on the screen, uh, that, lemme bring that on the screen. There we go though. WhatsApp number. Um, and in fact we can put the website on there as well. If you have any more questions, comments, thoughts about this, if you wanna get in touch with somebody, um, then please do reach out to us. We will try our level best to help you either point you in the right direction or you know. Give counsel if we need to. Um, but I really am praying for you. I'm praying for your marriage. If you're married, I pray that God's grace upon you. I, I I speak blessing over you and your marriage and that it would just reflect the glory and mystery of Christ to this world as it should. Um, if you are divorced, if you are experiencing the pain [00:56:00] of divorce, I pray God's peace and just. The ministering love of God upon you and your life. Remember, he's still for you. He's with you no matter what. It doesn't matter where you go. David said, it doesn't matter where I go, where can I? Where can I hide from you? You just can't. God is there he is with you. You may not feel like it. It may be painful and super hard, but trust me, he is there and he is for you. And I pray God's grace and blessing upon you and if you are experiencing singleness and you're happy with that, God bless you. Keep forward, keep moving forward, uh, with that and doing great things for the kingdom of God. May his grace extend to you in that season of your life. But if you are single and you long to be married and you feel lonely and trapped and isolated whilst your spouse is coming, whilst that season is coming, take this season. Prepare your heart, get established in families, whether that's your church family, whether that's a specific family, uh, but [00:57:00] just. Get in there, do some amazing things, uh, and you never know what's gonna happen around the corner. God bless you. Uh, I do hope to hear from you. Any questions, let me know. Thanks for taking the time to listen to this, uh, and I will be back again very soon. No doubt.