What Does The Bible Say About Loneliness?

What does the Bible say about Loneliness_ Matt: Well, good afternoon and welcome to Crowd Church. We are live from Liverpool, England and we are an online church. Yes, we are. So welcome, uh, and a warm welcome to you, Mr. Prior, your first time hosting here at Crowd. Yeah. Exciting. Thanks for inviting me, Matt. Ah, thanks. Thanks for saying yes. Especially when, uh, as the shirt, uh, dictates, uh, England are playing football right now, so, uh, I know that there are many people watching Nicola's already put it in the comments who got one eye on the football and one eye on Crowd. So if you are with us live well done for making it, uh, and do throw up a quick Prayer for England because you know, why not. Uh, so welcome to Crowd Shit. Now, Dan. You've actually done little bits before at Crowd, haven't you? You've done like talks and, uh, we've got one of your songs, uh, which we use at Crowd. So it is good that you are here hosting, uh, hosting away, and, uh, you are just tell the good folks a little bit about yourself. You're in Liverpool, what else do people need to know? Dan: Yeah, so I'm, uh, I'm married and I've got two teenage kids, one who's 19, one is 18, and I work for the exam board a QA. So it's a pretty hectic time for us. Yeah. Because yeah, everybody's getting, we are getting ready to try and give the students their results in August. Matt: Yeah, absolutely. And no, before you ask, Dan is not open to bribes and no, he cannot change your exam results. Just saying, uh, doesn't wanna put that to rest, uh, before everyone, uh, starts meshing in about that. So, Dan, tell the good folks what is happening today. So, me, you mean in Dan: our, in our Matt: meeting? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just in the live stream. Dan: Okay. So, um, we've got Sharon doing a talk on loneliness. Then after that there's gonna be worship and then conversation. We'll see what comments come through and we'll chat through those and we'll take it from there. Matt: Absolutely. Yes, we will, we will take it from there. So the whole live stream's gonna last about an hour, uh, and we will inevitably keep you up to date with the football scores. Uh, if England scored, Dan, what's your prediction? Dan: I think it's gonna be a one nail to England. Okay. I watched the first, I watched the first half and England we're in control. So I think good chance, good chance for Nick. A goal. Matt: Yeah. As long as we, we played a good first half shame. We didn't score any girls. For those of you who are outside, uh, Liverpool, uh, outside Liverpool, outside the UK right now, just so you're, so we are clear, uh, there is the euros going on where England are playing Germany in the finals. Uh, the ladies are doing a stoning job in sports for England. Let me tell you. We're in the finals of the Euros, uh, and England won the gymnastic teams last night in the Commonwealth game. So come on ladies. You are doing a fab job. Big up. The ladies in sport. Yes, we are. So, uh, we'll keep you up to date on the, on the scores as and when they come in. No doubt you will hear us cheer from wherever you are. Uh, so that's what's going on. Just to let you know now. Oh, Matt's saying England are gonna go to penalties. Mm. And Nicholas says, I never took any exams. Can she have an eight, please? Oh, funny. It was that easy, if any. It was that easy. You know what Dan? One of the things I've not been able to do is get my head around this new numbering system so it's no longer a, B, C on exams. You don't normally get an A and a B and a C or D now in exams. No, no, no. We have to go 9, 8, 7, 6. And not only that, we have to say that as is it a seven is the equivalent of an old A, but now we've got nine and eight, which are an A star. And a star. Star. Dan: Yep. Yeah, it's all a bit confusing. Matt: I can, can you just tell people to stop it? Just stop it. Dan: The department for education likes to change things, you know? That's the way it goes. Yeah. Matt: It just confuses people like me. Uh, when my kids are going through exams and they come back, they, so they've got a five, I dunno what that means. I've got an eight. What does that mean? I don't know, but is it good? Yes. All right. We'll go with that. Uh, so well done. Uh, this is funny, right? So what we're gonna do now is we are gonna jump straight into the talk. What does the Bible say about loneliness? As Dan has said, then Dan and I will be back for Conversation Street after a time of worship, uh, when the worship's on. Just sing along if you can, if it's safe to do so. Uh, or if you'd like just. Hum along with the words. Uh, and if you want to join in the comments, uh, feel the freedom, write any questions you have, share any stories, it'd be great to hear from you. They can be football related, they can be exam related, they can even be related around the topic of loneliness. We generally don't mind. Uh, and if, if they, you know, we'll talk through them later. So do get busy in the, in the comments. 'cause it'll help us with Conversation Street. I think that's about it, right? Let me, I'm looking for the button on my, there it is. Uh, so I've got the right button. We're gonna do the talk then Dan and I will be right back after this. Sharon: Today's talk is what does the Bible say about loneliness? One common common definition of loneliness is the feeling we get when our need for rewarding social contact and relationship is not met. Another definition of loneliness is a subjective and unwelcome feeling, which results from a mismatch in the quality and quantity of social relationships we have and those we desire. Maybe you can relate to this Prayer by King David, which can be found in the Bible. He prayed. Turn to me and be gracious to me from lonely and afflicted, relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Loneliness is not the same as being alone. You can be on your own and feel perfectly happy, or you can be in a group of people [00:07:00] and feel isolated and lonely. My friend Will says, I'm pretty happy in my own company and definitely an internal processor. The times I feel most lonely are at social occasions, even with friends, when I'm not really feeling like banter and anecdote or small talk silence isn't really appropriate. Normally in such settings, I end up just feeling isolated from the noise and lightheartedness, right lightheartedness around me. The cliche of lonely in a Crowd. The Campaign to End Loneliness website says there are 1.2 million chronically lonely older people in the UK and 9 million lonely people. Loneliness can be short term, lasting hours, days, or weeks, or it can be long term, perhaps lasting for years. What things make you lonely? Why not let us know? In the comments Today I'm gonna look at what the Bible has to say about our need for connection, how life was intended to be, what went wrong, and some hopes for the future. And I'm gonna add quotes from friends along the way. What I'm not gonna do is cover every cause of loneliness and give your you your own personalized plan to solve the issue. It's more of a conversation starter and hopefully a hope builder. Loneliness can sometimes have a complicated and messy mix of reasons, but I believe that God has the answer, the definitions I gave of loneliness, both point to our need for meaningful connection with other people, and the Bible explains where this need comes from. In the very first book of the Bible, we see God created the world and everything in it, including human beings. Genesis one says, then God said, let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness. The Bible tells us that there's only one God, but he's made up of three persons, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. They've always existed in perfect loving relationship with each other. We are relational beings because we are made in the image of a relational God. The first relationship we are created for is a relationship with God himself. And without that, the most important relationship in our lives is missing. But amazing as this is, it's not the only relationship we need for those of of us who've been around church for any length of time. We can sometimes get the impression that God is meant to be the only thing we need. And in one sense that's true because everything good that we need has its Origin in him. But in another sense, uh, the Bible teaches that we need more relationships than just that one with him. Important, though it is the first person God created was a man called Adam. And God himself said, said this about Adam's situation. It's not good. That man should be alone. I'll make a helper fit for him. Adam had God, but he also needed people. So God created a capable woman to come alongside him. Who doesn't need a capable woman in their life? This was the first marriage which turned into the first family and into a whole community. All of these were God's idea and plan. You may have heard it said that marriage is a social construct, but according to the Bible, it was created by God within marriage, family, and the wider community. We are meant to have unconditional love, mutual respect, understanding, and deep fulfilling connections. That's not to say you have to be married or in a romantic relationship to have full fulfilling relationships. The Bible's very positive about singleness and contrary to what our culture says, it's possible to live a connected, satisfying life as a single person, take Jesus, for example. So the world was created for us to rule together under the kingship of God leading to all of life flourishing with no one being lonely. That all sounds great. But that might, that's not my experience. You might say maybe you feel lonely a lot. Maybe you are lonely. Now, if you've ever felt lonely, you're not weird. You're just human with a legitimate God given need that isn't or wasn't being met. Maybe you can relate to these people. Nicola says, I used to feel lonely because I didn't like being in my own company. When you don't like your own company and you don't like yourself, that's a very horrible place to be. I get lonely when I've given people a lift home. They go home to their families. But when I go home, it's just me and the cats. So what's gone wrong? What causes a lack of meaningful relationships? The overall root cause of the problem is the rebellion of humankind against God. Which the Bible calls sin, which has a knock on effect of a broken relationship with God, and it also means that we are broken as people living in a physical world that's broken, leading to a multitude of problems, including loneliness. Let me explain what I mean. Firstly, when our relationship with God is broken, we are caught off from the one who's the source of life and knows how we and the universe are intended to function. Secondly, we all have our own issues which affect our ability to connect in my life. There've been several different reasons why I've had trouble connecting with people and therefore felt lonely. For example, when I was in my early teens, I felt lonely at school because I didn't like myself very much like Nicola. I was also angry with the people who'd hurt me, but I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, so I stuffed them all down and got depressed. Not being able to express how I felt made it difficult for me to connect with people. At times I've believed lies about myself. Like I'm not worthy of love as other people are. Um, and all these things have contributed to feelings of loneliness. It's been a mixture of my own rebellion against God and his ways, believing lies, and also a lack of knowledge about God, um, and who he says I am and how he set up the world to work. Maybe you can relate to some of these things. Maybe people have mistreated you in the past, making it hard for you to trust people and really connect as hard as it is to admit. Um, sometimes part of the reason for our loneliness is because of our own brokenness, but that's not the only possible cause. This brings me to our third cause. Sometimes we're lonely because of other people's sin, brokenness or just busyness. Maybe someone who's, someone's treated you badly and it's put up a wall between you. Or maybe people just aren't there for you. Jenny says, I felt lonely when going through difficult times, and the people who I expected to be there for me weren't. Or how about Fatima? She says, I feel so lonely when I'm ignored. Lonely when I need to talk and can't find anyone to hear me when I'm tired and I need someone to support me and there's no one there. Or my friend Sue, who says stuff at home with my dad. My whole childhood, that was never discussed. So when I left the house, no one knew what I was going through. That created a sense of loneliness. I didn't talk about it until I was in my thirties. A combination of our own sin and other people's sin leads to relationships and family breakdown. Sometimes people, um, hurt us. Or let us down because of their own sin or brokenness. And sometimes it's because of living in the society we do with all its pressures. Which leads me onto my fourth point. As we've drifted away from God, society as a whole has become broken too. So we have countries in the West with our desire for more and more stuff and money. We have corruption and mismanagement. Mismanagement. We have people working long hours for not enough pay and exploitation of workers in other countries. We've ditched [00:15:00] the Sabbath day of rest in order to stay on the treadmill longer. In the west, we have a very individualistic way of living with a breakdown in community. In the in the east, there's a focus on community, but sometimes the individual gets lost. There are wars and people displaced, and trafficked and separated from families, and all of these things add up and impact each other. R says, I felt lonely in all stages of my life. Single, married and with kids. I was lonely and marriage when my husband worked long hours and I was lonely with the kids when stuck at home tired and looking after crying babies. My last broad category to do with living in, um, living in a broken world is, um, being part of a world decaying because of our collective sin means that there are also illnesses, including corona natural disasters and death, and all of these can contribute to loneliness. Nicola says during lockdown, for me, loneliness was not being able to get out and see my friends. I would normally be the one going out and helping people, but I wasn't allowed out because I'm immunosuppressed. Now that lockdown has ended with my illness. I can be in bed for a couple of days that can be isolating and a lonely place to be. Or maybe you can relate to al. He says, the one time I truly felt alone was at 16 when my dad and granddad died within three months of each other. My heart was broken as they were my heart. I was fortunate enough to have men around me to speak to me. This is the reason for my heart. For men in times of loneliness, we all need someone. Hopefully you can see why I say the cause of loneliness can be complicated and messy, and this all sounds a bit depressing, and I don't think that the Bible whitewashes the situation. Things really are bad in the world, but there is hope. Jesus came to bring us good news. So what's the good [00:17:00] news? The good news is that we are loved by God so much that he still wants a relationship with us. In spite of our rebellion, the second person of the Trinity, Jesus came um, to earth in human form to die and take the punishment we deserve. In two Corinthians in the Bible, it says, all this is from God who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. Jesus died a horrible death on a cross in our place, abandoned by most of his friends, and cut off from God the Father. He knows what it's like to be lonely. Have you ever had the experience where you've done something wrong and you want to hide from God and other people because of your shame? We don't need to hide from God because he takes our shame. God says, never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you. Our al experienced this after his, uh, dad and granddad died. He said, [00:18:00] Jesus helped me through. Since then, I've been alone, but never lonely. When we accept what Jesus did for us, we get adopted into his family. We often have a guy called Phil on the live stream who is an advocate for adoption. He's very passionate about it. He adopted a son. And when his son was adopted, he didn't just gain new parents, but a new brother and sister. And when we're adopted into God's family, we get a whole new set of brothers and sisters too. Um, Psalm 68 in the Bible says, a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God In his holy dwelling, God sets the lonely in families. The founding pastors of our church modeled taking people into their families really well. They showed great hospitality and took many people in over the years as lodgers or just people they've had around the house. And many of us have learned from them and have followed their example. We have quite a few people who have either lived with us or just become part of the family even though they're not biologically related. So some other ways in which Jesus helps in our loneliness. We heard earlier from Nicola who said she didn't use to like her own company. When we realized how much we are loved by God and how much value we have, we start to like ourselves, which helps with relationships. I say it every time I talk, but receiving God's forgiveness and passing that onto other people has totally transformed how I feel about myself and has resulted in me. Um, it's transformed the way I feel about myself and others, and it's resulted in me being more connected with people. Another thing the Bible teaches us to do is take responsibility for our own stuff. So if we've got things wrong and hurt other people, we need to own that and deal with it and say, sorry. The more time we spend with Jesus, the more we become transformed [00:20:00] leading to transformation in our relationships too. And it doesn't stop there. When we've experienced that love of God, we are to pass it onto others. The charitable arm of our church has many projects that reach out into the community to address some of the issues that the community is facing and to introduce people to God. As a byproduct of that, a supportive community is created. Am I saying it's only Christians that can help with loneliness? Not at all. Anyone can play a part in reducing loneliness. Am I saying that if you become a Christian, you'll never be lonely? Not at all. Because until Jesus comes again and puts everything properly right. For good, we still live in a broken world. Among broken people, including in the church. But what I am saying is that God knows what it's like to be lonely and has the answer to our loneliness, both now and for the future, but it's not always a quick fix. He's the one who [00:21:00] truly transforms our relationship with himself and other people. I'm gonna let my friend Sadaf have the last word. She says, feelings of loneliness are uncomfortable and often difficult to tolerate. Our natural response is avoidance, choosing to run from the uneasiness, um, by running from it, or even denying we're lonely. We do whatever it takes to keep busy and distracted, but the more we run, the more our inner chaos grows. But what if we stop and choose to embrace it instead, in the same way that Jesus sought solitude to pray and seek God's will. Our loneliness can help us to seek God's heart for us.

Matt: So welcome back to Conversation Street with myself and my very good friend. Dan Price sat beside me virtually at least. He's, uh, he's sat beside me. Uh, and we are talking, what does the bible say about loneliness? We're gonna get into some of your comments. Thank you for what you've written so far. Uh, any questions, uh, do send them in. And we've got some comments, uh, to go through. But first England, one Germany nil setting In my best pools announcement, uh, possible. Uh, for those of you, I wouldn't have to remember the pools. Uh, so yes, we are live streaming at the time that England are in the European final. So well done. Everybody that is here, uh, we will of course keep you up to date. Uh, and it was a cracking goal too. So do watch the highlights because come on England, right? Loneliness. Get into this. Let's get into this. Dan, what were some of the things that stood out to you from that talk? Dan: Yeah, I just thought, I mean, what a brilliant talk. Well done Sharon. Superb. Um, one of the bits she mentioned is about, she said in the teens she didn't like, didn't like herself very much, which is common, you know, loads of people in the teens go through that time of feeling, probably lack of self-confidence and not being particularly comfortable with who they are. But it can also go into later life as well. For some people, they experienced that at many stages in life. So that really stood out that I think one of the keys, um, around loneliness is us loving who we are, who God has made us to be. Video: Mm-hmm. Dan: And the more comfortable we are in our own skin, and the more happy we are in ourselves and who we are, the more people probably wanna spend time with us. And we're probably a nicer person to be around. Matt: No, that's very true comment. One of the first revelations I had, uh, as a Christian or one of the first things that I think God helped me to understand, there was two verses in the gospels. Uh, they're very well known verses, uh, love God, uh, as you love yourself and love God as you would your neighbor, or no love your love God, as I have loved your, these sort of two verses from, uh, that Jesus talked about. And it basically, when you put them together and use simple mathematic algebra, which you know is just how my brain works, you come away with the conclusion that if I'm to love God, as Jesus has loved me and I'm to love God as I have loved myself, then I need to love myself as Jesus loved me. Does that make sense? Uh, and it was one of the first things that, um, God really worked on me was this, uh, whole area of self-esteem and to start to see myself. The way that God sees me as opposed to perhaps the way that I see me. And, um, I think it was, it was quite transformative, if [00:29:00] I'm honest with you, Dan. One of the biggest sort of things that I, I remember learning in my early Christian years that had the biggest impact on me was, and it, it did impact my self-esteem. So I get what you're saying. Dan: Yeah. And I think the Bible verse that comes to mind for me is the one that talks about how we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Yeah. And you know, when, when you're feeling a bit low about yourself, it, it really, you know, it might be difficult to take on board the fact that God fearfully and wonderfully made you as you are with your strengths and with the things that you perceive to be your weaknesses. Mm-hmm. But God, God made you like that and delights in you. Mm-hmm. And just, just one bit that really speaks to me is, um, how God wants us to celebrate and enjoy being who he is made us. And, uh, the. Rowan Williams, who used to be Archbishop Canterbury, he spoke about Desmond Tutu, who he'd spent some time with. Yeah. And for those who aren't familiar with Desmond Tutu, he was the South African Anglican bishop who did an amazing work during the time of apartheid. And, you know, seeing the end of apartheid. And Rowan Williams loved spending time with Desmond Tutu 'cause he was somebody who loved celebrating li uh, life. And he said, when I think of people in my own life that I call Holy, you've really made an impact. These people have made me feel better rather than worth worse about myself. And he says, rather, not quite that. But these are never people who make me feel complacent about myself. Far from it, they make me feel there is hope. For my confused and compromised humanity somehow a little bit more myself. And I have a theory, um, that I started elaborating when I'd met Archbishop Deman Tutu, that there are two kinds of egotists in the world. There are the egotists who are so in love with themselves that they have for anybody else. We all know people by that. Yeah. Video: Yeah. And Dan: there are egotists that are so in love with themselves that they make it possible for everybody else to be in love with themselves too. And in that sense, Desmond Tutu manifestly loves being Desmond Tutu. There's no doubt about that. His laugh is infectious, but the effect of that is not to make me feel frozen. Shrunk or smaller. It makes me feel that just possibly by God's infinite grace, I could one day love being Rowan Williams in the way that Desmond Tutu loves being Desmond Tutu. So that's, that's when I, when I hear that, I think when I would love, I'd love to be down prior, in the same way that Desmond Tutu loves to be Desmond Tutu. Yeah. Accepting my weaknesses and my flaws and going, God made me, let me celebrate who he's made me to be. Matt: Yeah. No, that's such a powerful point. Nicola put here in the comment, years ago, I would not have celebrated my birthday or anything nice as I saw, thought that it was not worth even being acknowledged. Thankfully, uh, that has changed and that's a shame, isn't it? When you, [00:32:00] it, it's funny, isn't it? When you, when you feel that low about yourself, um. Then you sort of, you, you tend to create an environment where you want people to almost reject you because you reject yourself, if that makes sense. And so yeah, loneliness becomes, yeah. Um, it, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, uh, in a, in a lot of ways, isn't it? It's like, I knew that no one would really like me. Um, and you, you, you create environments and situations where people, you know, where people are set up for want of a better expression to reject you. And it's quite, it's quite strange. Um, strange is the wrong word. It's quite interesting how the human mind works in situations like this, almost like as a self-protection thing. It's like, well, if I don't risk being vulnerable and let people in, and I kind of help them reject me. Then, uh, Do you know what I mean? It's, and I, as long as I know they're gonna reject [00:33:00] me, I'm kind of protecting myself a little bit. Uh, I mean, I'm not a psychologist, but I have seen that a lot, uh, over the years and that, that I think is one of the things that Christ sort of redeems on the cross, if that makes sense. So not only, like you say, not only uh, is my relationship with God strong, but actually my understanding of who God made me is also strong. Dan: Absolutely. Yeah. That's really good. Matt: Yeah. So one of the things that also came up in the comments, which I thought would be worth touching on, uh, is the theme of Christmas. And Matt brought this up, um, that, uh, both sorry's comment, yeah, it feels isolated, uh, that week between Christmas and New Year. Um. And, uh, Nicola, uh, has also said, actually, yes, that's, that's fair place. She's the same way that you can go that whole week without not really seeing anybody, uh, during that time. Um, and then Matt's put here for those watching in Liverpool, who's Liver Liverpool, who's suffer with [00:34:00] Loneliness. Hope Foundation are running a Christmas Day meal on Christmas Day at Frontline Center. We'll give you more details later in the year on how to refer folks, which we will. Uh, it's a great ministry actually, that the church does, um, or that Hope Foundation, as it's now called does. Uh, but I Christmas can be an incredibly lonely time for people, right. Dan: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I was just, just thinking about those Christmas meals. The, the very first one, uh, that, that Frontline Hope Foundation did, which must be over 10 years ago, was one that my family joined in with. And, um, and when I mentioned it to my wider family, my sister said she'd like to join in, and my dad and stepmom, and they all came in to join in. And we just had a really good time of on Christmas Day getting to know these people who, for whatever circumstances, just felt they were on their own and mm-hmm. And needed to be around people. So it made me realize that people from all different walks of [00:35:00] life, uh, may end up in a situation where they just feel completely alone on Christmas Day. Mm-hmm. Um, so, uh, yeah. Uh, it's, it's such a good thing that that has been running for, for those. Matt: It is, it fascinate the stat that Sharon said at the start, 9 million people feel lonely in the UK and we now have, or we did have, I dunno if we still have a minister of loneliness or minister for loneliness, Jim, to, to, to deal with this epidemic that in our highly individualized society, uh, we've never felt more alone, uh, never felt more lonely even though we've never been more connected. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's that kind of bizarre situation we find ourselves in. And um, and that stat actually, uh, really shocked me. You know, that it was that high, that many people that felt lonely. Do you know what I mean? Dan: Yeah. And, and just the thing of social media about how sometimes we can think of it being [00:36:00] on loads of social media will, will help fill that sense of connection that we need. And sometimes it may do, it may help, but other times. It can just be a complete substitute for the real thing. And yeah, and people feel really lonely when, when seeing all these posts of social media with other people having great holidays or doing what, what's perceived to be wonderful things, but, but not really being able to have the personal connection that they're longing for. Um, so yeah, it's, it's a funny one with social media where we are at the moment, which, which can sometimes be, be a help, but also very much can be a hindrance. Matt: Yeah. And I would suggest, I'd say, you know, don't, don't confuse likes and followers with actual real connection. Uh, you know, it's that kind of, don't build yourself esteem around how many people like your photo or commented on your Facebook post or, uh, it's never a good place to be really. Um, and so, so yeah, social media is a real fascinating one, like you say, and I find [00:37:00] social media, um, it causes you to compare. Do you know what I mean? And, and so if you go onto Instagram, you see all the photographs, all the high points of somebody's life, and you compare the, the life that you've got at the moment with that. And it's like, well, that's not what I've got. Do you know what I mean? And, and comparison often leads to shame. And shame leads to loneliness. I'm sounding a bit like Yoda right now. Comparison leads to shame. Shame leads to loneliness. And I think, um, when we feel shame or don't feel enough or inadequate, we can tend to withdraw into ourselves. Um, and I, I really strongly urge you not to do that. One of the things that, um, unchurched people really like about church is its sense of community. And, you know, that, that I think is, is essential. I mean, it's one of the great things about church is actually the sense of community. We've known each other 'cause of church down for 30 years, right? Hmm. Yeah. And that friendship has come out of the community in church. Church isn't perfect. People can feel lonely in church. [00:38:00] Christians can feel lonely in church. But like Sharon says, I think as, um. As these things get redeemed, you, you can find that meaningful connection, right? Dan: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I was, I was thinking about, I met, uh, uh, I met a guy a while ago who, uh, was a senior researcher at the University of Liverpool in two, uh, psychology in Loneliness was one of the bits he was looking at. And what, and what builds, um, yeah, what build's strong mental health. And one of the bits he was saying is, if you're part of a club or a society, you get real boost, you know, in terms of you feel part of something. So that's really supports mental health and it's a really good thing. But if there's a faith element to it as well, there's an additional boost that they find in their research. And this guy, uh. Isn't, isn't a man of faith, uh, this researcher, he's, uh, I, I think he's probably agnostic or maybe atheist. Uh, so he, uh, he's not a strong person of faith, but yet the [00:39:00] research showed that there was an extra element of faith. So there's something about not just churches, not just being part of a club, like a bowling club or a tennis club or whatever. There's something else going on and it's, you know, we, we know as Christians that that element is God at work. Mm-hmm. God doing something transformative in your life. And we are not just a club, we are the body of Christ. Mm-hmm. We are joined together in a powerful way, in a, in a way that is, uh, a family rather than just a, just a club. And I, and I think that's a, an amazing thing that even, you know, secular researchers are saying there's something special here about church. Matt: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Uh, if you're following along on the comments, you'll know that Germany have in fact equalized, uh, which is, you know, not great. Uh, 'cause we want England to win. We do. Uh, unless obviously you're watching this live stream from Germany, in which case we still want England to win. Uh, so, uh, we, it's interesting, isn't it? Loneliness is, um, [00:40:00] is one of those things where I think if you don't suffer from loneliness, it's very hard to be aware of loneliness. Do you, Do you know what I mean? It's like, um, I I find it's, to, to be aware of other people's loneliness is quite tricky if I'm not feeling lonely, and especially if my life is crazy full or busy and there's a lot going on. Do you know what I mean? And so I'm kind of wondering, how can I. Um, but I dunno if you've got any thoughts on this or folks, if you've got response, put them in the comments. How can we help people not to feel lonely? How can we help as the church combat loneliness? Dan: Yeah. So a really, really good question. Um, I, I've got, got a thought to throw in, which is, uh, not completely related, but it's close. Uh, I realized that for the first part of my life, uh, most of my relationships were built around activity.[00:41:00] Okay? So either I would do music with people or I was in a church group with people, or I, I did work with them or sport, but I found that when those things naturally ended or moved on, I didn't bother to sustain any of those relationships. I, I treated it almost like the relationship was an add-on to an activity. And it wasn't until I got into my thirties that I, I really felt God do something in my heart and say, actually, you need to start valuing relationships here. So I realized that I needed to sow into and really, you know, uh, be intentional about trying to sustain some relationships. Uh, and since then that's been part of my journey about learning how to sustain relationships and actually bother to keep getting in touch with people saying, let's meet up, let's do something rather than expecting that it's just gonna happen around an activity. Yeah. Because that could be very transient. So in the terms of how we as a, uh, as a church or as a group can help people who are struggling with loneliness, I think the first thing [00:42:00] is to, to encourage people to be, um, intentional, uh, and to, to value relationships by making a call. So if they need, if they needing support to get in touch and say, let's, let's meet up. Hmm. Because I think sometimes it's very easy for us to think. Nobody's getting in touch with me, you know, oh, nobody cares about me. 'cause they're not getting in touch, they're not inviting me out. And the thing I learned was, um, to, to make that happen, you, you, you have to do it yourself. Mm-hmm. Uh, to begin with. So I started to, you know, be more proactive and, uh, and learn how to do that. But it was a bit of a hard lesson. 'cause, you know, in my, in my earliest stage of life, I think I did, I did feel more lonely. Mm. I didn't realize why and it's just 'cause I wasn't bothering to value those relationships. Matt: Mm-hmm. That's a powerful point actually, Dan. Yeah. Super powerful. Being intentional in the relationships with people. One of the things, I mean, uh, I've got some written stuff down here. One of the, [00:43:00] some of the comments that came in pre livestream, um, are from people who experienced loneliness when they were single because the church historically, I think has, has. Uh, underplayed the value of singleness and overplayed the value of marriage, if that makes sense. Um, and so, uh, one comment here. I felt lonely in church when marriage was glorified. When people talk about their relationships all the time and you are not in one, um, it can be lonely when you are going through something and you think other people can't relate to you, uh, because you are single and they're not, uh, someone else said the big one is the repetition of seeing those around me get married and move on, therefore, losing those people and close friendships, uh, that used to be such a grounding part of my life, uh, feeling left, uh, behind, uh, as a general because being single at a per somebody's wedding or bigger life event remains well. It's just they don't enjoy it. [00:44:00] Um, and so that, that's really, um, I mean we've, we've, we've talked about singleness and, and marriage on Crowd before. We've talked about it at Frontline before, and actually. Um, it's really easy I think, if you are in a relationship, if you're married, to just hang around with married people and when you get married. Um, and in some respects it's quite right that actually you obviously focus in on that relationship and there's more time spent in that. Um, but it's interesting how some of the comments here are actually that that starts to exclude, uh, some of the other single people. Um, yeah. And so I think that's a big lesson, isn't it? Big learning curve there, ab Dan: Absolutely. And, um, one, one experience, uh, that I've had is just seeing, seeing my mom. So my parents divorced when I was about age eight. So my mum was, um, you know, approaching 40 and then sh she was a single lady bringing up two young sons, and I saw that she was there trying to be the mum, [00:45:00] uh, trying to, uh. Uh, make sure she had a job to bring some money in, and at the same time trying to sustain relationships. Mm-hmm. And it's a lot for a single, uh, single person too, to be a single parent and try and fulfill all of those things and make sure that her own needs are met. But one thing that's always really impressed me about my mum is that fact that she's intentional. Mm-hmm. So even now, she, she just turned 80 this year and she's still really intentional about keeping in touch with key friends. Mm-hmm. And she's, she's quite often the first one, you know, to pick the phone, to call them or, uh, to write or to, or to go and visit. You know, if she's in a part of a country where they live, she'll go and visit. And I've just been really impressed that she's recognized. It's, it's gonna be hard as a single person, but she, she makes sure she's prioritized it. Um, but it is hard to do. Yeah. And it does mean that those who are, um, couples need to be aware that, that, uh, of, of it's so important to be welcoming. [00:46:00] Matt: Yeah, it is. Dan: And Matt: it is. And to be Dan: much more open. Matt: Yeah, I totally agree. One of the things that we do actually, um, unintentionally it's just been one of the things that we've done in, in our married life, is we tend to have, um, we tend to invite people to come live with us in our house, you know, become part of the family. Uh, and I, I've always been struck by that verse that God puts the lonely in family. Yeah. And there's something about, um, again, it was all the start of front. You were there, Dan, I was there, we were students. You remember every Sunday we were around somebody's house for lunch. Right. Uh, and, and you just kind of rotated around everybody. It's like, and it, it was fantastic. And, and we, and the thing about it was we were so included. Uh, in family, uh, you know, we were sort of adopted, weren't we? We had two founding pastors and you had, uh, Dave and Debbie, Simon and Patti and, and, and all these sort of couples, you know, that would just invite you round constantly and you became part of their family.[00:47:00] And actually some of those friendships that I started 30 years ago, I'm still very good friends with 'em. I still feel very much part of those fa their families. And so I think a challenge for all of us is just open up the dinner table and invite people around. Single married, doesn't matter. Get people, get people round, right? Dan: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's so, so important. And we can become, when we have busy lives, we can become so insular and just focusing on what, what we are doing. But, but, but you're right to open our dinner table, invite people around and, and to value them. And I've, I have been super impressed by the way that you and Sharon do that. You, you, you've done it over many, many years. And you know, Matt, hearing about the way that, uh, there's, there's this guy that you go and visit sort, is it weekly or every couple of weeks? Um, yeah. And, and again, that, that is something where you might not always think when you're tired, one evening you want, that's something you want to do. You value that relationship. So you go around and check, check that he's all right. [00:48:00] Uh, so yeah. Uh, an inspiration and yeah, something that's really important for us to do. Matt: Yeah, absolutely. It's, I think it's a big challenge and I think it's so worthwhile, right? It's such a wonderful thing to do, and it doesn't have to be a big deal. That's the other thing to say. Uh, it can be really straightforward. You don't necessarily have to, people live with you. You don't have to do the Sunday roast thing. I still think you, we are gonna see a lot more of this. Um, people who are at home, they're watching Crowd, uh, and just invite two or three people round, getting a cake, get in some, you know, drink and say, listen, I'm watching church. Come watch with me. Yeah. Uh, and there's just three or four people come around your house. It's the easiest thing in the world to do. And you're bringing people in your connecting crowd's. Pretty easy going, pretty easy to watch, and you can have conversations afterwards, but it doesn't have to be onerous. You don't have to lead anything. You don't have to do anything. You just have to invite people and just be kind. Uh, and I think kindness goes a long way. One of the other things [00:49:00] that, uh, came in. Uh, more on, uh, how our thoughts and feelings can contribute to loneliness. Sometimes we can feel that we are the only one, uh, going through what we're going through, but that often isn't the case. And we especially feel like that if we're tired, worn out, or going through a tough time. Uh, and Sharon gave me this as an example, she said, there is a chap in the Bible called Elijah. It's a bit of a dude, an Old Testament prophet, uh, had quite a unique walk with God is probably the best way to describe Elijah. Uh, but he felt at one point in his life, very lonely. And, um, in the book of Romans, it says this, uh, uh, Paul was writing this. He says, do you not know what scripture says in the passage about Elijah reading his story, how he appealed to God against Israel? An entire nation. He's complaining to God, uh, against an entire nation. And he said this, he said, Lord, you, they have killed your prophets. They have torn down your altars. I am the [00:50:00] only one left and they are trying to kill me. And it's interesting because Paul goes on to say, and what was God's answer to him? I have reserved for myself 7,000 who have not bowed the knee, right? In other words, you think you are going through this alone. I've got 7,000 people over here. You just can't see them. But right. Uh, and it's, it's just, it's a really fascinating, uh, portion of scripture. So thank you for sending that, babe. Um, it's a really fascinating portion of scripture where you can think you are going through something alone, but you are never alone. And that's, and, and God's got more for you than he is got against you. Do you know what I mean? And, and you, that's one of the things you read time and time again, isn't it, in scripture. Dan: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, uh, amazing the way God works like that. Matt: Yeah. Love it. Mm-hmm. Love it, love it, love it. So, um, [00:51:00] I'm just wondering, uh, Dan, in terms of kindness, going back to this topic of kindness, um, what have people done for you that has been kind, that has made you feel included? What are some of the memories that you have? Dan: That's a great question. Yeah. I think, um, one is, uh, as you said, in the early stages of, of Frontline Church, having, having these great people invite us around for lunch, and a lot of the senior people in the church would, would just prioritize that every week. Mm-hmm. Inviting people around. And there's something really precious about that you feel so valued when you are, when you're invited. Mm-hmm. So that's absolutely one. Um, just trying to think, uh, of other ways. There's, there's so many ways that, uh, including like, you know, for example, you saying be part of Crowd. It's great. It's great to be invited and [00:52:00] asked to be part of anything. Mm. Because you can always say no. So. Yeah. Yeah. So, so it's great. Matt: Yeah. One of the, I I I, to be fair, I did stitch you up slightly with the question. I appreciate that. Uh, because it's interesting when people say, uh, in terms of acts of kindness, when you think about it, quite a lot of them just involve people just contacting you and they're either asking you to do something to get involved with it, or like Al Marshall will send you a text going, Hey, like Dave Connolly today sent me a text message. Matt, how you doing bud? Um, I'm not gonna be able to make it a Crowd. Really? Sorry. How you doing? And just that simple act. And so if I can, uh, I want to give everyone a quick challenge just every day this week, just text somebody and just go thinking of, you think you're awesome? Just a different person. Just text them. Right? Uh, and maybe, maybe just find one person and just invite them around. Hashtag just saying, think those random acts of kindness. Like that. Just simple things like that, that [00:53:00] hospitality, uh, will make a big difference. And that's community. That's what church is all about. That's what, uh, makes church so different and so unique is when we extend our border and we invite people in just as acts of kindness. And we, and we just smile. Absolutely. We just say, how are you doing? How are you doing? And so, um, so yeah, we don't give many challenges, but I think that will be a good one. And on that bombshell done, unless you've got anything else to add to this loneliness conversation, we'll draw it to a close. That's great. It's been really good to chat, Matt, so it has done, I appreciate that. But you're a legend as always, uh, and you don't look a day older than when we first met. I just wanna point that out. So one of the things that, uh, Nicola has started to do again, it kind of went off off for a little season, but every now and again, Nicola puts a question in the comments, um, you know, things like, do you prefer a Kit Kat or Snickers, or something like that. So, Nicola's comment for today, [00:54:00] uh, or question of the day was, uh, given that we've got the European Cup final, um, going on here, um, the Euro final, sorry, men's football or women's football, which do you prefer? Uh, and so I think that is, uh, a great question. And I actually at this moment, at this point in time, I'm saying women's football. Absolutely all the way Go, go women. You are awesome giving us something to cheer about. I wish I was part, I mean, I love doing Crowd, don't get me wrong, but I also wish I was at Wembley, uh, watching the, the final 'cause. That would be an amazing atmosphere to be in right now. Um, but yes. Any thoughts on that, Dan? Men's football or women's football? Dan: It, it just feels an unfair question 'cause it's like men's football has been going for such a long time and women's football is, you know, has not been going, uh, as long. But from watching the, the game earlier, I just thought what a superb game. And the players are top. Yeah, they're, there's no [00:55:00] sense of this. This is not as good as men's football. It was every bit as entertaining, every bit as competitive. It was brilliant. Matt: Yeah, absolutely. So, uh, I, regardless of the outcome, regardless of the score, 'cause I know we're gonna go into extra time now, regardless of the score, can just say lioness, you have done the country proud. And I'm stoked actually, that there's much more focus on, uh, women's football now. Uh, and it's coming to the forefront, which is great and it should do, and it's wonderful to see. Uh, and that's my opinion. Yeah, that's my opinion. So that's the question of the week from Nicola. Thanks Nicola. Uh, and have you, Nicola, have you got the dog yet? I, I knew that Nicola was getting a dog. Have I seen a photo? No. Can you post a photo on Facebook if Nicola got herself a new dog? Uh, and we all wanna see the dog, so, right. What is happening next week? Dan? What's happening next week? Do you remember? Dan: Uh, only vaguely so, [00:56:00] so I think John Harding is speaking and I think I'll tell, look on here, he's, uh, speaking on a talk calls journey through the wall, so that sounds very good. Matt: Yeah, absolutely. Well done. More remembered. Dan: So, uh, tell, tell us, tell us more, mate. Is there any, are there any more tidbit you can give us? Yeah, yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm guessing this is related to mental health and that kind of stuff. Am I right? Yeah, Matt: absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So, um, John's doing a talk next week called Journey Through the Wall. It is part of an emotionally healthy, uh, series talk. And as you may have noted, well, if you've been watching Crowd last week we talked about rest and Sabbath. Today we talked about loneliness. Next week we're talking about journey through the war, part of being emotionally healthy. Um, and in a couple weeks we've got Lisa Orange talking, asking the question, what does the Bible say about mental health? Right? So. And it wasn't, I wish I could tell you that it was planned, but it wasn't. It's just kind of all come out in the wash like this. Uh, and so there is very, a very definite theme. The other thing to say is, uh, [00:57:00] during the month of August, the live streams will be non-live, live streams. Now what I mean by that is all the live streams for August have already been prerecorded, including the Conversation Street with the hosts. Um, and we're doing this just 'cause we're following our own advice in terms of Sabbath and sabbatical. So everybody's taking August, uh, off the live stream. So we're just having a bit of rest recuperation. We're still putting the stuff out there. We're still gonna be in the comments. Do come and say hello. Uh, it, they, they are gonna be great. I mean, I've heard the talks. They're all phenomenal talks. Um, John Harding's doing one. We've got an update from the Kents. Uh, over from the States and their church plant, and they're talking about some of the stuff that God's doing there, which will be a fascinating talk if you wanna know about miracles. And does God still do miracles? Come and hear that conversation. Um, I'm answering the question, how do I get to know God? Which I, we've had a bunch of people email in recently asking that question, so we've answered that for you. [00:58:00] Uh, and then we have got Esther Richards. Um, uh, we've got an excerpt from a brand new podcast coming out called What's the Story? And we're playing an excerpt from the Esther Richards podcast, uh, where she is talking about her battle with depression, uh, and suicide. So you are not gonna wanna miss that. She was brilliant, beyond brilliant, and hopefully it's gonna wet your whistle as they like to say. Uh, regarding the What's the Story Podcast, which will be launched the end of August, so hopefully. You are all up to date. So August at the end we're doing, uh, what's the story? Podcast launch. Uh, also during August, the whole month of August, they will be non-live. Live streams. Do come in, do join in back in the comments. It's not gonna be, what does the Bible say about, it's not about that series. It's kind of taken a little twist and we just told people to talk about what they wanted to talk about and this is how it's kind of ended up. And then Lisa Orange will be kick-starting the, what does the Bible say [00:59:00] about series? Uh, the first week of September asking what does the Bible say about mental health? Think I've got everything. Think I've got everything. Uh, if there's anything that's come up today, uh, or you would like to reach out to us, we would love to hear from you. Just get over to www dot Crowd Church or you can reach us on social media, at Crowd Church on Facebook or Instagram. Uh, join us in the comments, dms if you've got anything. And on the website, uh, you'll also find there's a WhatsApp number you can send your Prayer requests into the WhatsApp group. We are also, uh, we also have a Wednesday evening group, 8:00 PM UK time. Uh, if you would like to come join in, it is on Zoom, uh, and we just chat and we just pray and we catch up with each other and it's just all part of the community. So if you'd like to come, join in, that as well. Uh, just get in touch with us, uh, at Crowd Church details below or via the WhatsApp number, which is on the website. Um, we would love to help you. We'd love to hear from you. So [01:00:00] I think that's all the notices outta the way. Dan, anything else from you, my friend? Dan: No, it's just been, been awesome. Great to chat through. Um, and yeah, it's loads of fun. Matt: Brilliant. Thank you for joining us. You are a legend. We'll have to get you back again. Uh, and I, I, I mentioned at the start, actually before we went live, I dunno if you've noticed ladies and gentlemen, Dan has proper in here, in in ear. Uh, in here, in ear, uh, headsets going on there, which you can just about see 'cause Dan is a professional musician, whereas I've just got some headphones 'cause I dunno what I'm doing. So they all do the job. They do the job. I'm gonna have to update my tech game. Uh, but what can I say? Oh, Matt Bohi. Esther Richards is leaving us at Frontline. She's off to Australia. I did hear that actually. Uh, I did. And Esther, if you're watching all the best with new ventures in Australia, it sounds really exciting what's going on? Uh, so yes, we're gonna end the live stream there. What I'm gonna do is play one more [01:01:00] worship song, uh, and once that song is finished, the live stream will end automatically. Uh, do stick around, do say hi in the comments. Uh, if you'd like to towards the end, sing along, uh, it'd be great to meet you in there. Uh, but from this live stream, from myself and from Dan, that is everything. So thank you so much for joining us. Have a fantastic week. Enjoy your summers in August. Uh, we will see you very, very soon. Bye for now.