How Kindness Can Radically Change Lives

Ever had an ordinary moment suddenly transformed into something extraordinary by an unexpected act of kindness? That's exactly what happened to Matt Edmundson recently when a complete stranger paid the restaurant bill for him and his colleagues – a simple gesture that left a lasting impression.

The Kindness That Makes Us Whole

Before diving into practical applications, Matt took us back to a fundamental truth: kindness starts with God. In his letter to Titus, Paul reflects on his own transformation: "We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us."

That word "saved" carries the idea of soundness and wholeness – nothing missing, nothing broken. The kindness of God doesn't just make us feel good temporarily; it restores us to the people we were designed to be.

What's even more fascinating is how God uses kindness as a catalyst for transformation. As Paul wrote to the Romans, "God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance." This reveals something profound about God's character – He doesn't frighten or threaten us into change. Instead, He overwhelms us with kindness that inspires us to turn from harmful patterns toward wholeness.

"Repentance is not turning away from something out of fear," Matt explained. "It's inspired by the overwhelming kindness of God. It leads you to turn away from things that keep us broken and brings you to a place of wholeness."

What Kindness Really Is (And Isn't)

To understand true kindness, Matt suggested we first need to clear up some common misconceptions.

First, kindness is often confused with self-indulgence. The popular phrase "be kind to yourself" can sound right, but sometimes it becomes an excuse for avoiding necessary growth or change. Matt challenged us to consider that true self-kindness means seeing ourselves as God sees us – which might actually make us uncomfortable for a season as we confront areas that need transformation.

Second, kindness is frequently misunderstood as conflict avoidance. We think being kind means keeping everyone comfortable and happy, but this isn't always the case.

"If I define kindness simply as a behaviour intended to benefit others," Matt proposed, "then the opposite of kindness is not meanness, but rather a behaviour that doesn't benefit someone else."

Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is have a difficult conversation or challenge harmful patterns – not to tear down, but to build up. Jesus himself was often confrontational, yet he perfectly embodied the kindness of God.

"Being kind is more about how you deal with conflict, rather than the avoidance of conflict itself," Matt noted. "Kindness is about wholeness and not just about keeping everyone comfortable."

The Good Samaritan: Kindness in Action

To illustrate what radical kindness looks like, Matt turned to Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan – the story of a man who was robbed, beaten, and left for dead by the roadside. Religious leaders passed him by, unwilling to get involved, until a Samaritan (from a group despised by Jews) stopped to help.

Matt challenged us to put ourselves in the Samaritan's shoes: "Imagine you walk down the road and see someone in the ditch that is from a group of people that have done nothing but spew hatred towards your people... Maybe they have Nazi tattoos on their arm. Maybe they are a bully from school or that person that knowingly had an affair with your partner."

This is where kindness becomes truly transformative – when it crosses boundaries, overcomes prejudice, and acts despite personal cost. Jesus concluded this parable by saying simply, "Go and do the same."

The remarkable thing about kindness is that it transforms both the receiver and the giver. Research has shown that when we practice kindness, our happiness and life satisfaction increase, while stress hormones decrease. As Proverbs says, "Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin upon themselves."

Matt suggested this might be why sometimes when we're feeling unhappy, the best solution isn't to wait for someone else to cheer us up, but to look for opportunities to be kind to others: "Your journey to wholeness is your journey in kindness."

Practical Ways to Be Kind

For many of us, being kind doesn't come naturally – especially if we haven't regularly experienced kindness ourselves. The key, Matt explained, is not in trying harder, but in opening ourselves to the healing work of the Holy Spirit and experiencing God's kindness firsthand.

"When that grace of God, his kindness in action, heals and changes us," Matt explained, "we start to become like Him and we start to become kind because He is kind."

Jesus put it simply: "Our Father is kind. You be kind."

During Conversation Street, Sharon reflected on how kindness sometimes requires us to pay a cost, just like the Good Samaritan: "That Samaritan, it's like going into what is essentially an enemy village to find somewhere safe where this guy can be healed and recover. Actually, that is a huge cost."

Someone shared honestly in the comments about how challenging it can be when kindness is misunderstood: "I've had people who've taken advantage of my kindness and then twisted the kindness into claiming its evilness. It's hard to trust anyone else after your kindness has been violated."

Sharon offered this perspective: "At the end of the day, it's like, who are we serving? And what do we expect from our kindness? I think that's something that helps me. It's God that I'm serving, not people. So in a sense, how they react to that's not my responsibility. My responsibility before God is how am I, what's my actions? How am I thinking about people? How am I dealing with that?"

Your Kindness Challenge

To put kindness into practice, Matt offered a simple but potentially life-changing challenge: designate one day each week as your "kindness day" – a day devoted to intentionally spreading kindness in every interaction.

This could include:

• Opening doors for others

• Really listening to someone

• Sending care packages

• Cooking a meal for someone

• Taking interest in the person serving you at checkout

• Calling a friend you haven't spoken to in a while

• Giving genuine compliments

• Volunteering

• Paying for someone's coffee or meal

Nicola shared some of her own kindness experiences in the comments: "I once paid for a person behind me on the M6 toll. They caught up with me at the next services, super grateful because they had forgotten their money."

She also mentioned another time: "A few weeks ago I met a lady and her husband and she was trying to get a taxi just to go down the road because he couldn't walk that far, so I gave them a lift. Saved them seven quid."

Dave Connolly added an important insight in the comments: "We have to be prepared to get involved with people like the Good Samaritan. That's part of the cost."

Matt emphasised that kindness shouldn't just be a one-off event but a habit we cultivate: "If Thursday is your kindness day, do it every Thursday. Build the habit of kindness. Because the impact will be extraordinary... Things can and will change in the world around us."

Your Next Step

As we continue our "Becoming Whole" series, here's a practical challenge for the week ahead:

1. Choose your kindness day : Which day of the week will you dedicate to intentional kindness?

2. Plan your kindness : What specific acts of kindness can you incorporate into that day?

3. Notice the impact : Pay attention to how being kind affects both the recipients and yourself.

4. Share your stories : We'd love to hear how your kindness challenge goes!

Remember, our journey toward wholeness is inseparable from our journey toward kindness. As Matt said, "God our Father is kind, so we get to choose to be kind too."

Join us next week as Will Sopwith continues our exploration of the fruits of the Spirit with a look at goodness – another essential aspect of becoming spiritually whole.

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)