What difference does faith actually make when you become a dad? We explore the intersection of fatherhood and faith, asking honest questions about whether believing in something bigger genuinely changes the way men show up for their families or whether it is just a nice idea.
01The Complicated Truth About Being a Dad
Father's Day is one of those days that sits differently for everyone. For some it's a celebration. For others it's a reminder of what's missing. And for quite a few, it's an uncomfortable mixture of both.
The Crowd Church Father's Day service didn't shy away from any of that. It opened with a brilliantly observed comedy sketch about the absurd things dads would never actually say, things like "stay out as late as you want" and "money really does grow on trees." It got the laughs, but it also set the tone for something more honest underneath.
Because the real question being explored wasn't whether dads are funny. It was whether faith makes any practical difference to the experience of fatherhood.
02Starting With What's Real
The talk began by acknowledging what many Father's Day messages skip over. Not everyone has a good relationship with their dad. Not everyone has a dad at all.
"My parents divorced when I was nine, and for most of my formative years I saw my dad once a week and every other weekend. This meant that growing up, I spent a lot more time with my amazing mum than I did with my dad. And so Mother's Day always seemed to be a much more important celebration."
That kind of honesty matters. It gives permission for everyone watching to feel whatever they actually feel rather than performing gratitude they don't have.
The talk went further: "Father's Day isn't always an easy day for most of the world's population." For some, it's the absence of a dad that hurts. For others, it's the absence of children they hoped to have. "Maybe it's not your dad that you miss today. Maybe it's your kids, or the kids that you've not been able to have. Listen, if you're having a hard time, my heart and my prayers are with you."
03God as Father, and Why That's Complicated
One of the central ideas in Christianity is that God is referred to as Father. Jesus taught his followers to pray "Our Father, who is in heaven." The Bible uses the language of fatherhood to describe God's relationship with humanity constantly.
But the talk was honest about why that can be a stumbling block. "It's harder for folks who didn't have a great relationship with their dad to really and truly comprehend that God loves them."
If your experience of fatherhood has been defined by absence, unreliability, or worse, being told that God is like a father doesn't automatically feel comforting. It can feel like a barrier rather than a bridge.
The talk didn't try to paper over that difficulty. Instead, it offered a different angle: "Our God, our Father, can heal our hearts. He can fill the gaps that perhaps our dads didn't fill. He can comfort us in our loss and guide us on our own journeys of fatherhood."
The suggestion wasn't that God replaces a human father. It was that he can do something about the wounds a human father left behind.
04What Faith Looks Like at 6am With a Screaming Child
Three dads shared their experiences of how faith intersects with the daily reality of raising children, and none of them made it sound effortless.
Al, a father of three daughters, described a simple but consistent practice: "Every morning I pray for my family. I use a very simple technique. When I touch my thumb, I thank Jesus for my family. When I touch this finger, I thank Jesus for my wife. And each finger, I thank Jesus for my children."
He was also honest about the limits: "The sun is shining this morning. It's not always shining. Challenges come." But he kept returning to the same anchor point: "If I don't have the answer, and 99 percent of the time I don't, Jesus will give me that answer in prayer."
Sherlon, a dad of two young daughters aged four and five, described fatherhood as "an amazing and also an exhausting experience" that brings "a range of emotions that can change from one day or even hour at a time."
His faith didn't remove the worry about sleepless nights, school placements, and whether his girls would make friends. But it gave him somewhere to take those worries. "Sometimes it's not always that God answers in the way that I would like. But it's the fact that I can bring it to him."
That's a more realistic picture of faith than the polished version. It doesn't make problems disappear. It provides a place to put them.
05A Call to Step Up
The talk made a broader point about the role men play, not just as biological fathers but as father figures in the lives of others.
"The Bible commands us to look out for the orphans, those without a father. We're to step in, even if it's not in some official formal capacity."
Phil Watson, the co-host for the service, is a champion of fostering, and his story was woven into the discussion. The point wasn't that everyone needs to become a foster parent. It was that fathering can take many forms, and all of them matter.
"To all the men out there who are fathers of their own kids but also those that aren't necessarily fathers of their own kids, maybe you're a single man, but you care enough to father others... I want to say thank you. In a world that might not always see what you do, thank you."
There was a specific shout-out to a friend called Al who, when the speaker's daughter visits his house, "treats Zoe like a daughter because he is a dad. He just can't help himself." That kind of everyday, unspectacular fathering rarely gets celebrated on greeting cards, but it shapes lives.
06Imperfect and Important
The talk didn't set an impossibly high bar. "That doesn't mean as dads we have to be perfect. Far from it." The encouragement was to keep showing up, keep asking for help, and keep looking to God for guidance in what was described as "one of the most important things we will ever do in life."
Proverbs was quoted in one of the video reflections: "There is life and death in the tongue." How a father speaks to his children, about his children, and about himself shapes the atmosphere of a home. That's a responsibility, but it's also an opportunity.
07Something to Reflect On
Whether Father's Day is easy or hard for you, whether you're a dad or you had one or you're still processing the absence of one, there's a question at the heart of this whole discussion.
What kind of father or father figure are you becoming? And if the gaps in your own story feel too big to bridge on your own, are you willing to let someone help you with that?
The promise threaded through the whole service was that there is a Father who doesn't leave, doesn't disappoint, and isn't limited by the failures of the human fathers who came before. Whether that sounds like good news or a hard sell probably depends on your story so far. But it might be worth exploring either way.
Topics in this talk
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me my so oh well good afternoon and welcome to crowd church with me host uh madmanson and um on my right here is phil watson uh who's busy typing things into his phone by the looks of things phil how you doing oh and it looks like i'm not sure that's a particularly uh flattering uh phase for phil and he's gone well that's a good start isn't it so i'll tell you what i'm going to do i'm going to go to this screen here while phil gets busy and rejoins us and whilst he's doing that let me just tell you welcome to crowd church we are a digital church for those of you who might not see the point of church a sort of a place to explore explain explore faith and all its amazing things uh in relation to sort of everyday life and so on and so forth so let's hope uh it all works out well so uh phil is now dialing in again i am hosting today with phil watson and uh hopefully phil will be coming and back in just a second hopefully the internet has now restored itself here we go right let me put this uh on the screen oh that one that's the one i want phil how are we doing and it's gone again no here we go just give it a few seconds to warm up maybe the hamsters need to go around the treadmill a little bit faster film maybe that's what needs to happen i can hear you loud and clear now phil so sorry about it the internet it's it's trying to it's trying to keep us apart matt the internet don't want us to be united but i'm gonna i'm it's a conspiracy all those people you hear about what's his name jeff or somebody in america he's just trying to keep us apart but i'm here keep talking because if you don't i will okay so for those of you who are new to crowd church let me just tell you phil and i are friends we go back a long time and but this is the first time we've actually hosted uh crowd church together so phil is um just a fantastic personal fantastic human being so it's great to have you phil on the live stream i can only see half your face you might need to sit back and move your camera i'm better with i'm better with kids than with technology [Laughter] now doing it it's it's like trying to this is like trying to reverse your car you can look out the back and you know that then you've got to go left and right okay we're here now matt let's press the button or something there we go i'm going to press this button here one of the things we always do phil with everybody who is new to the show when they're a host is we try and get them to point to the phone number at the bottom of the screen how how's your how's your motor skills can you do that oh look at that you're straight in oh yes yeah yeah i just want you to know you're the first host on the show that has pointed to the numbers straight away so i'm a natural born born into doing this no problem at all so that number on the bottom of the screen that's our whatsapp number if you would like us to pray for anything you can contact us via the number on the bottom of your screen or you can also reach out to us via the website www.crowd.church and we would love to connect with you we would love to pray for you if anything comes up as as the as the show i shouldn't call it a show as the that there's a slip of the tongue right there as the church service as the live stream carries on uh if anything comes up that you would like us to pray for please do get in touch we you look like you're going to say something then phil no i'm i've got fake tooth in okay i'll put it back um and when you've got i've got i came off a bike mat years ago knocked my tooth out the tooth has since survived died and they've pulled it out and i've got a fake plastic waist and so every now and again i go is that really me it doesn't feel like it belongs to me so in the middle uh sorry everybody on the internet in the middle i might take the tooth out for good because it just ch it chafes my two chips and they're gonna hey chase it changes can you figure it out a real one no well i'm not we're not talking about that now but anyway it's it's that's not a bad idea that's not a bad idea at all here's a pound email in texting use the whatsapp number that i've been pointing to roughly there we go is that right that's brilliant well done so let me tell you what's coming up in today's live stream uh what is going to come up we are talking today about everything to do with father's day because today here in the uk is father's day yes it is so we're gonna get into that uh we've got some uh stories from various dads uh that are connected with crowd church including phil is going to tell his story a little bit and then we're going to have a time of worship and reflection after that the internet uh willing i suppose phil and i are going to be back go through your questions and your comments and just some ideas that come up from the videos about father's day we're going to get into all of that yes we are and we hope to close finish probably around 4 45 5 o'clock somewhere around there that's how long it'll go on for um but do feel at home with us do feel at ease make sure you say hi in the comments always great to see who who's connected in uh we've got matt matt says hi um are you wearing your england hat phil watson uh obviously not well oh you will be yeah yes very good very good uh sharon says hi uh we've got nicola who's singing frozen or maybe she's talking about you being frozen on the screen i don't know um we've got antoine uh in my best french bonjour um how do you say good afternoon in french phil do you know uh you say bonjour okay that is the same it's the same thing so you what can i say i'm a natural a french linguist obviously so great to see you guys as well so without further ado let's get into today's topic all about father's day appreciate this is not a great day for everybody so we're going to get into that but first of course we're going to play a little intro to the father's day talk then i'll be back with some videos uh we'll phil and i will then be back like say after the worship with a talk here we go i don't care how late you stay out stay out as late as you want you want to borrow the new car you want to borrow my credit card kids today they really have it rough i have no idea where we are or where we're going i mean when i was their age life was easy super easy why haven't you gotten a tattoo yet how come you don't have any piercings yet yep we're lost we are completely lost ew sports just do whatever the mechanic says to do vehicle maintenance is completely overrated look whatever the mechanic is asking just pay him pay him whatever he wants i wish they had soap operas at night i like that boy you should date him you should date him immediately well what about the creepy guy with a motorcycle he's cute yeah sure spring break in tahiti sounds fun hey make sure you get all your video games done before you start your homework you don't have to pass all your classes what you have a project due tomorrow and you've known about it for four weeks and you haven't started yet sweet doesn't anybody want to know if we're there yet remember if you need anything between midnight and 4am please come wake me up hey i'm on the phone could you bring the baby over and let him climb all over me hey hey can you please turn that music up well we just stopped for lunch 10 minutes ago but yeah let's stop again i never have trouble with my toddler i never have trouble with my teenagers i never have trouble with my adult children you know she's right we are ruining her life yes more homework to correct all right whining yay tantrums hmm vomit we just really need to spoil these kids more sorry buddy i don't know any good jokes at all you're 16. you pretty much know everything now i think 18 is a great age to get married okay remember make sure you turn on all the lights before you leave the house hey could you leave the front door open for a couple hours thanks whoa money really does grow on trees brilliant love that love that money really does grow in trees you know what i was saying to phil before we went live when i saw that video i was going down a little checklist to see how many of those actually i could say most of them to be fair uh i like that i like that uh so i am like everyone else on the planet a bit like you i have a biological father right it's the one thing that we have in common but for many of us it stops there having a biological father doesn't mean that you have a dad now one of the biggest issues our western society faces i think is absent fathers men who for whatever reason are not fulfilling the father role or maybe you had a dad but they're no longer with us maybe they've passed away so father's day isn't always an easy day for most of the world's population you know my parents divorced when i was nine and for most of my formative years i saw my dad once a week and every other weekend and dad if you're watching happy father's day i'll ring you later this this meant that growing up i spent a lot more time with my amazing mum than i did with my dad and so mother's day always seemed to be a much more important celebration growing up so i find father's day a bit of an odd day in some respects i don't know about you you see on one hand i think as a man fatherhood is so so important and should be encouraged and celebrated but on the other i appreciate why it isn't a straightforward celebration for many people now to add into this whole mix i am now a father myself i have three kids three amazing kids i'm super proud of them and to be honest since having them i think my expectations for father's day has grown i've become much more interested in it and we'll get into what happened to me today at father's day probably later when i'm back with phil but i also appreciate that i am one of the lucky ones that has been able to have kids and raise them in the context of a loving marriage not all men can say that so maybe it's not your dad that you missed today maybe it's your kids or the kids that you've not been able to have listen if you're having a hard time staying my heart and my prayers are with you genuinely they really are i appreciate you one of the greatest things about being a christian is what we call god we call him our father in heaven jesus told us to pray our father who is in heaven the bible refers to god as father a lot right uh he is father god he is the perfect all loving father who will laugh with us cry with us and challenge us to be more than we ever thought we could be which is why it's harder for folks who didn't have a great relationship with their dad to really and truly comprehend that god loves them now men listen up because i think there is a call on us to rise up and be fathers and not just be biological fathers the bible commands us to look out for the orphans those without a father you know were to step in even if it's not in some official formal capacity now phil who you he's gonna be back later uh you know the internet willing is a champion of champion of fostering and he's going to be sharing a little bit about his story we're also going to hear from al marshall who is a legend in his own right and i know that when my daughter is around at their house playing with his daughters he treats zoe like a daughter because he is a dad he just can't help himself so to all the men out there like al and phil who are fathers of their own kids but also those that aren't necessarily fathers of their own kids maybe you're a single man i don't know but you care enough to father others whatever that means to you or whatever that looks like i want to say thank you in a world that might not always see what you do thank you even if no one else tells you today you are a legend don't let anyone tell you that being a dad is not important it is important it's crucial and if you are in that role today thank you thanks for doing your best now that doesn't mean as dads we have to be perfect far from it but we can look to god our father our dad and get his help in one of the most important things we will ever do in life we're going to hear from john and james and sherlon as they tell their stories of how they do that how they rely on god you see our god our father can heal our hearts he can fill the gaps that perhaps our dads didn't fill he can comfort it comfort us in our loss and guide us on our own journeys of fatherhood so as we do this live stream feel free to write in the comments uh questions that you have or maybe even stuff that you would like to say to your dad or father figures in life well maybe tell us what you've discovered about being a dad and then phil and i are going to be back for the discussion time but first let's hear from al i'm going gonna play this here's out how has faith helped me in my role as a father it's one of the greatest and most important things i've ever done becoming a dad i didn't realize the impact it was going to have on me and and how much love that i would have for my daughters and i am honored and blessed to have three daughters um and a wonderful life the things that used to worry me about bringing up children uh still play on my mind but with prayer every morning an active conversation uh using my faith as a guide using the words of jesus as a guide and it brings me comfort and brings them comfort to and there is a verse in proverbs that says there is life and death in the tongue and that that's a a verse that um that brings me inspiration and also challenges me how i speak to my children how i speak about my children how i speak to god about my children every morning i pray for my my my family um and i use a very simple technique uh i have there's there's uh five of us um i when i touch my thumb i thank jesus for my family when i touch my this finger i thank jesus for my wife and each finger i thank jesus for my children and you can either open it up to heaven you can put them together to pray you can feel complete because your hands are always with you or always moving and that's how i i pray um for my kids and for my wife and the sun is shining this morning it's not always shining challenges come and challenge how we approach life uh as as that's as how how i approach life as a dad and but i know that um because of my faith uh and because my love for a heavenly father um that is bigger and then even i can conceive that we can conceive that uh god wants only the best for us and and if we if i come to him and pray in the spirit um and use the words of jesus then i know my children will be well um and if they're not well i have a place to go to pray i have a place to go to intercede to use uh um everyday words to question to ask to challenge but ultimately to be content knowing that that if i don't have the answer and 99 of the time i don't have the that jesus um will give me that answer in prayer um and love and give me the patience and the calm which i do need sometimes to to reach a conclusion in my parenting skills so that's how my faith has helped me as a father thank you very much hi everyone my name is sherlon and i want to talk about how my faith has helped me as a dad now i've got two young daughters one's four and one's five fatherhood has been an amazing and also an exhausting um experience for i find that it brings a range of emotions that can change from one day or even hour at a time you know i would say that my faith has encouraged me to to pray um for my daughters it's kind of made me even more dependent on god you know and i i pray about you know stuff that all dads and parents you know worry about um sleepless nights and will they make friends in their new school they'd get into the right school that they you know did get into the right class to have friends that they do know and they'd make friends with people they don't know you know all the things that um causes worry or anxiety and i think my faith when i pray sometimes it's not always that good answers in the work way that i would like you know but it's the fact that i feel that being able to pray i can talk to god about my worries and my concerns you know you always say a burden shared is a burden half so i found that really helpful for my faith you know i've already had some really tough times with the kids trying to sleep or not sleeping at night and just to to give that all to god i have found um really encouraging and as well uh just reading the bible i think has really encouraged me to to um understand how god feels about children he loves children and god defy in the bible was willing to sacrifice his son for us i get that i get how as a father and a christian i am willing to make sacrifices uh for my children so if my daughter miel's daughter loves football she goes football training on wednesdays in the past it's been chucking it down with rain but i will sacrifice getting wet for my daughter's enjoyment my my youngest daughter loves to play hide and seek and shop and doctors and so on and i will i will sacrifice my time you know to spend time um with them both and i enjoy that and it's a bit like i think god the father and father talks about god being abba daddy you know father and uh he enjoys spending time with us and i enjoy i think all dads all parents you know enjoy for the most part but in time um with their kids and i think as a christian that um my faith drives me to look at god the father as as my mentor you know as you know he he he's a perfect father you know i make mistakes all the time i know jesus is god is the template god defies the template for me you know he's willing to give up all for the sake of his children and that's what i want to do to be a good father and give all i've got give up all if needs be for the sake of my children flourishing thanks for listening hi i'm james happy father's day to all you dads out there i've got three kids theo who's seven uh isabella who's five and charlie who's two um i just wanna share a quick thought with you around um how to bring order in the chaos of family life so there are four priorities in terms of relationships one is your relationship with god as a christian second leadership with your spouse as a husband thirdly your issue with your kids as a father and fourth you're a patient relationship with your work as an employee so i believe that you should put god first and everything when you decide to follow jesus you put him first and foremost in your life um it says that in scripture doesn't it the greatest commandment is to love the lord your god with all your heart or your mind and all your strength so i believe god first helped everything flow in order secondly your issue with your spouse showing your kids what it means to have a loving nurturing relationship and being patient and grace-filled in all that you do and communicate with your spouse and thirdly you know modeling to your kids what it means to have a life of faith not just teaching them scripture but actually modeling it um to them and finally your relationship with your work which yeah you know in a world where we're obsessed with our work and often that's pushed actually that's the least important relationship for me so christian husband father employee and that helped me bring stability in the chaos of family life bless you have a great day take care so how has faith helped me as a dad and now i know what you're thinking before i start he doesn't look old enough to be a dad um in fact i'm not even sure he looks old enough to buy a drink um and you know what i got id'd very regularly um in fact the other day i went to tesco for a shop and uh i was trying to buy some lemsip which is a like medicinal drink for sore throats and headaches and things um they asked for my id when i was buying it and i felt very silly for that to be honest um the only time i don't get asked for my id is when i have my 19 month old daughter with me um so yes i'm a dad um how has faith helped me as a dad sorry i'm digressing um well in the bible jesus's followers um they ask him a question one time they say jesus how do we pray teach us how to pray so jesus gives them an example of this prayer that they can follow and use and it starts off with our who art in heaven hallowed be your name etc etc and you might have heard of it and um what's interesting is jesus addresses god as his father right and he teaches us to do the same um and so god is my perfect heavenly father who cares for me um he provides for me so i don't need to worry about um you know what i'm gonna eat or drink or things like that because god says he's gonna provide for me um and he he loves me he says his perfect love casts out all fear um so as a dad i um and as a young dad as well i uh compare myself to a lot of other parents can be quite easy for me to feel inferior to other dads the parents but god's perfect love casts out all of that fear which is such a huge encouragement for me and because it means i don't need to be worried of what other people think because i am accepted by god and by my father in heaven and that is enough and so not only is he a heavenly father to me uh which is like super encouraging but also um he is a perfect example of what it looks like to be a good dad um so um there are you know so many examples of in the bible of how god cares for his his children for his people um and and that's such a great example to me of how i can care for my child and look after my child i wonder who you called dad probably your birth dad it could be a step dad could be a foster dad could be an adopted dad or it's possible you've had no one to call dad now i got three kids first two i got by fairly conventional means that we won't discuss now third one though his journey's been a little bit more unorthodox we started fostering about 11 years ago got this lovely little boy three and a half years of age he came to us stayed with us 15 months eventually went off to get adopted we carried on fostering nearly two years later got a phone call from social services the adoption's broken down can you take him back yes we say he comes back we foster him some more and one day he's being very very quiet in our front lounge i'll go in to see what he's up to he's got an indelible sharpie marker he's taken a photo frame apart it's a photo of our family and he's added himself with the felt tip so there's me my wife birth kids and him his way of saying he wanted to be in our family permanently so we adopted him got it bit complicated isn't it now it's father's day father's day for him is tricky it's complicated he's got a birth father he's had a variety of foster fathers and he's even had more than one adopted ad complicated but he did say to me recently phil because that's my name and that's what he sometimes calls me you're the best dad i've ever had the others have been rubbish only didn't use the word rubbish now jesus has had jesus got a fairly complicated father scenario as well he's raised by joseph who's his stepdad i guess but his real father is god and there's a wonderful bit in the bible i want to draw to your attention jesus is born that's the christmas story then we find out that jesus goes to jerusalem with mary and joseph but he gets lost on the way home then we know he gets baptized and this is where god says this is my son in whom i am well pleased what a fantastic bit of fathering completely non-performance related god just loves him because he does and that's what i found god my heavenly father to be like he just loves me because he does brilliant he's my kind of fathering role model brilliant absolutely brilliant what did you think to those uh stories those those uh you know the what the guys were sharing all very different things weren't they uh well phil and i are going to get into that into the conversations about what he said and what al said and all those guys said so if you have any questions uh that you want to put in the comments now's the time to put them as we will get around to them or if there's just general thoughts comments things you want to share put them in the comments we'd love to hear your thoughts this is you know it's digital church so we can be a bit more interactive maybe than ordinary church can be you can definitely throw your stuff in the comments so do that we're going to now have a time of worship and reflection as we like to call it and basically what that means is i'm going to play a song it is a christian song it's uh feels quite hymnal um it's called how deep is the father's love and it ties in perfectly with some of the stuff that you know the guys have been saying about they're doing this role as an earthly father but god's a heavenly father and this song talks about sacrifice and how the love of god compelled him to sacrifice um for jesus to take upon himself the punishment which was due for us it's quite a remarkable song and this father's day one of the things that we might not be able to do is is necessarily celebrate our dads i can and i know other people can around the world and i hope my kids can um but if you can't one of the things that you can celebrate is like john said we can pray our father god is our father now if you're not used to church if you're not used to singing along don't panic just read the words think about them think about some of the videos that the guys have said just reflect on them but if you'd like to you'd like to have a a little sing along and it's safe to do so then join in with that and then after this song phil and i will be back for the conversation street so here is the song how deep is the father's love how deep the father's love for us how vast beyond all mention that he should give his only son to make a wretched treasure how great the pain of searing lord the father turns his face away as wounds which are the chosen ones bring many sons to glory behold the man upon the cross my sin upon his shoulder ashamed i hear my mocking voice call out among the scarface it was my sin that held him there until it was a complex his dying breath has brought me life i know that it is i will not boast in anything jesus christ his death and resurrection why should i gain from his reward i cannot give an answer but this i know with my heart his wounds have paid my answer but this i know with all my heart his wounds have paid my rent phil is going to join me here we go phil well yes a little bit close to this a little bit close to the camera to sleep there we go so what did you think to those phil you said in the comments you're having a little cry on the stories uh it does it i think it's a beautiful thing that in one respect fathering is the most ordinary normal thing you can do for many of us but at this time as a i mentioned i'm a bird i've been foster and i'm an adopter father um so i've i've got kids via various methods um and i also have my own dad my own dad is still alive uh that's a terrible thing to describe him isn't it he's 81 he won't be watching this because he doesn't know then he knows the internet exists okay um and he's very happy without knowing it but he he like yeah to be fair he's he's really good that he did the best he could with the information he had and i think if you're an earthly father that's probably the best you can do you do the best you can with the information you have and just like in that foot you know that really funny montage you had at the beginning as a is that better yeah i'm just playing you crack on brilliant only you can only do your best as a dad and dads if you listen you will get it wrong you will make some mistakes occasionally that's andrew your kids will occasionally tell you your your rubbish um and i've had that from birth kids foster kids and adopter kids and i'm putting a big hat in the ring here i'm i'm an ex oh yeah yeah everyone i'm i'm an i'm a trained farm i'm trained by cattle i've been to people and i'm still wrong and still get it wrong you need to forgive yourself every time you've got it wrong and you probably yeah you still get oh yeah and you probably need to forgive the person who fathered you however they did whatever they did even if you never knew them you kind of need to come to a place of forgiving them um so that you can you it's actually very i don't know i'm trying to think of a good word you go oh yeah my dad didn't do everything right and i go to life about him might get legit about actually will image damage him you need to do the best you can with the the fathering information you've got and certainly um i became a christian i was about 19. it's been a journey to try and go how can i be the best christian i can be and one of the things in the bible that's always inspired me is the bits where it says again and again look after the kid who hasn't got a mum or a dad the word god put the lillian families god puts that god puts the lowly in families and i've got a family you know we look pretty um what's the word we look pretty standard me wife two kids semi-detached house compost heap um you know some guinea pigs most of which have died or all pretty normal but we had space for another kid we've got we had a room and i i believe that look the last i that it is the people that you um that you you choose to love and the little man my third child if you like uh who we adopted is he the same as the other two in some respects yes but every time um we go to the doctors is he the same he's not the same as you know talk to the doctors every time something happens we have to is it look can you see this oddly tears as a pint glass and i expect lots of dad's got these and he got me the the best dad ever mug i then again if you can see that cool yeah yeah when did you wobbly was that today many of us many of us yeah we'll have something like that yeah many of us will have something like that and for him this is a very very complicated day emotionally and i have to remember he's got a birth dad who i'm well i've never met who knows me he's done a lot he got a son out there somewhere and i'm not gonna go until the day don't know mr white birth dad couldn't look after this little boy k um but um my my i believe that in the in the same way that god god wants to be a father to all human beings my job is to it's the father and parent this little kid and kind of um yeah and do the best i can and i will make mistakes and i do make mistakes but today he said you know i've got a mug that says best bad so it must be true it's definitely true phil i have no doubt i have no doubt i gotta let me tell you what i got from my daughter today she sent me a card uh because in in our house we now do digital cards apart from zach zack still likes to hand write cards um but zoe sent me a digital card today and i'm just i'm just pulling it up here because i just want to read out what she said to me right so um i don't know if you can see that it's not going to come across well on the screen i don't think no it's not she drew this beautiful picture on the front and she said to me she said um i just want you to know that without all the other people she's basically referring to her two brothers today would just be just another day so you're welcome right and when i grow up when i grow up i want to be as funny as you think you are so yeah happy happy father's day from zoe uh which and it's funny just watching my kids my son josh i don't know if you can hear it can you hear that music yeah i can so josh decides to compose a piece of music for me for father's day which was amazing uh zoe made me a hat and zach is going to wash my car and um and do other things which is just fantastic so i'm made up this father's day all three kids bonsai very very good now phil let me ask you a question bud did you did your view of fatherhood change when you first became a father so when anna was first born and you started this whole fathering journey did your view change from when from you know when you when you're a son you have a view of your dad but then when you became a dad did your viewpoint change i i think inevitably when you become a you're probably more gracious to you your younger man uh realize how difficult it is um and it's it's funny your story about how your kids are sort of sending you different cards and different um expressions of love um our three children were once arguing in an amusing way so adam a daughter she was saying mom and dad must love me the most because they had immersed you and they got it right with me and this is a genuine story and then um kay our adopted song went no no no no no they had you just because they fancy each other they actually chose me um and i and ev every kid has come somehow to terms with um and every every human being with oh god hey you're you're a dad you you've a competition with how much was he and that is awful some people have had very bad experiences and if you if you have to go and go into care probably your dad is incapable or unable to look after you and we've fostered kids where the dad has been dead the dad's been in prison the dad's been just on drugs or alcohol so he can't look after his child and those people have to somehow come to terms what it means to have a fatherline it take a long time to explain those emotions but i guess what i want to do is be less that i can to the kids in my care the kids that i've got but um i think was it oscar wilde i don't know how to quote oscar wilde because women be quoting them said something like you really need to forget there'll always be something somewhere that they've done wrong and you and certainly my experience is i need to find ways of going right i'll do the best i can kids and i one little tip for anybody watching is i write my kids letters and they're mostly in the loft when my daughter turned 18 i i i write them probably right two or three yeah it might be about it's a rehab feeling these letters are like a record of that did you me you are this is what you're doing this is why i love you and i know that there'll be times in emotional moments when you're going this is driving me mad i've made a mistake write them a letter it might be a way for you to deal with your own emotions but it might also be a way to go this kid will always have this record that they that their dad loves them um it works for me and whether my kids get blessed by it and get benefits from it i hope so but if can't with kid for really fun don't tell them find ways to be wrong to them or text them whatever message system you've got i'm a bit of a pen and paper kind of a guy because i'm quite old even older than you matt just a little bit yeah not by much just a little bit that's brilliant what do you think about i mean from i mean you've seen this a lot phil right in this and we've seen it a lot actually growing up a lot in the church it's one of the things that you see quite a bit is actually people that had bad relationships with their father or didn't have great relationships with their father and obviously you've seen that a lot with the foster kids and the adopted kids yeah um if if someone's listening to the show must stop calling it a show if someone's listening to the live stream it's because i do do a show but this is not there uh if someone's listening to the live stream someone's listening to the service and they actually father's day is hard for them because they're really maybe angry towards their dad or maybe have a lot of questions for their dad what what could they do do you think um frozen let me just say uh so phil just froze there so i'm just going to give the internet a little bit of chance to reset and then we'll bring phil back on hopefully to answer that question um phil can you hear me oh no he's in the comments so hopefully let me just see if we can get phil back on here because i think this is such a really important question i'm curious to know what he says uh oh no he's still frozen okay so what we are going to do then because phil has frozen there are a couple of questions like this which i think are important um questions like i didn't have a great relationship with my dad i am missing something there what can i do about that oh phil's dialing back in again in my ears so let's uh get him back on um so what can i do about that there's there's a question there and i think nicola i noticed you put in the comments that your dad passed away um which i i know this is a let me tell you the amount of emails i've had in the last few weeks people from people saying their fathers have passed away and it's a really difficult time for them um you know i lost my dad two years ago we did not have the best relationship but i do miss him and still go to ring him ring to ring home to ask gardening advice oh that's but here as a non-father i have found the last few years in particular real struggles i've reached a deeper understanding that i will never be a father myself so yeah there's a grief of not actually fathering as well so um hopefully uh phil can hear me and we can now get him back in let me click the button there philly you're back with us oh there you go you're back now did you hear did you hear those those comments there enough what's on that yeah i think i i it's very interesting isn't it because i think in in the bundle there's a verse that most people will associate with getting married which is a evil family and to your new part even if you've got a dad some have to come to terms with the relationship that you have with with him and i think it's interesting that many of us will have will know maybe the prayer the famous prayer the lord's prayer dad or dad or pops or daddy and the word in the if in the in the uh aramaic and the ivory and the jew in the in the basically the original language is abba and abba not the swedish pop group okay that's different the word is the aramaic or the jewish word for daddy yeah and the death about the word is you say it it's a baby word i could take my tooth out show you you don't need teeth so you can say it as a tiny baby and i think um i i i think when you have a relationship with god which is a strange thing to say if you don't understand that but when you have a relationship with god you can talk to him as a father but a perfect father you could call abba you could call daddy and right just call refers to him he's to um even when he's being crucified on the cross he calls him abba he calls him daddy and i love that um i love that relationship that jesus seemed to have with god i don't know if i'm necessarily answering the question but there's there's an intimacy there that you can have with god that um that you may not you know you for whatever reason you can't have with your own birth or as we've already mentioned that the relationship is difficult yeah i think if a dad is a is a key that's an easy thing for me to say because my dad's pretty good um yeah yeah no i appreciate that and i it's the one thing that i've seen in the church over the last 30 years a lot of people who have struggled because of their relationship with their and they've struggled to understand what that means in the context of god right because you know we interpret god often in the context of death but i've also seen god heal like i said at the start i've seen god heal that in a lot of people men and women where actually they god does feel that that void of the perfect father and i think it's quite an extraordinary thing to be able to say it's one of the cool things i think about the christian faith um and so yeah no one's gonna have had a perfect relationship with their dad um but there is this relationship with god that is available that that actually is a relationship that you you know a father child relationship whether you're you know a son or a daughter and i think that's really cool and i think that's really awesome and it's super super powerful so and on that note what i'm going to now do uh is i want to say thanks phil i appreciate your your comments on on all of that we are now going to play the catch-up video uh which i'll let elias explain it to you um and we'll be back in just a few short minutes here's a license hello everyone welcome to catch up now my name's alice in case you know what catch up is it's just a little section where we talk about what we've been doing in the week through photos or videos and this be serena thing so maybe you've had a nice meal with a family member or a walk in the park personally it's been pretty uneventful week i've got exams next week so mostly rising for them most notable thing was getting a haircut which was well overdue i think and it's still quite long but i was the clips thank you for those clips everyone and if you want sending your own clips you can text the whatsapp number on the screen or you can use crowdcatch up on instagram yeah i'll see you all next week brilliant well done elias uh good to see the videos and it was great to have folks around for the football on friday uh that's for sure so excuse me i'm coughing now so i noticed here in the car i'm just going to the comments a little bit here phil uh rachel marshall said al got super daddy socks which is pretty cool that's a pretty cool father's day gift uh i like that i think i think that probably qualifies for al uh i've i've no doubt about it i'm just looking back here actually rache said at the start thank you for your honesty dads when she was talking about the videos and um i think one of the things that was said in the videos phil and i don't know if you've ever if you've ever had this you know that uh who was it that said it was john that said it he can he often finds himself comparing himself to other dads do you do that comparison thing do you look at other dads and think i'm not i'm not kind of hitting the standard uh um i've got ego and no i didn't behind myself um and and i probably and i know john's quite young and i probably think that that's easy to do and maybe this is a great opportunity to say um i am not a perfect dad i don't know if anyone thinks that um i it wouldn't take more than a few seconds with my children you know those letters up to them every single one ends with um i love you i'm doing the best i can with the information i have and the background and the baggage i bring with and i'm actually probably better at doing it now than i'm better at daddy being a dad now than i was when i started and um when you've got adult children or certainly teenagers there's a lot more interaction with them i'm just reminded of the story if anyone knows the stories there's a great story with the meaning in the bible jesus talks about the prodigal son so it's basically a son that clears off he goes off and he's he has it in time and then he goes back to his dad but the dad figure as i get older i begin to sort of um uh identify with the dad sometimes and go right my kids have not got off and gone away from me um but that that dad in store was unconditional and i like him go off conditional you are relatively mess up and god still accept you back he will still love you um it's a great message there's so much in there to get on board when you are a dad that uh you know read those stories read the prodigal son and go am i the kid or am i one of the two kids or am i the dad yeah no that's very good that's very good i have to be sad i like you i don't i think the the more i've done the dad journey the less i find myself comparing myself to other dads because my kids have kind of got to their you know that their josh has gone off to uni zack's just about to do his a level zoe is you know just about to turn fifth well almost i say almost she's she's 14. um i feel like i've got from that phase of life where i still get on really well with them and i've almost got them to adulthood and i've not killed them and they're still alive so i i figure i'm like i'm like yes go me great you do what i mean i've done all right that's that's that's good uh in that respect yeah and um and so i find myself comparing myself less but what i did notice was as i was younger i did do that a lot and as i've i think as i got older that comparison turned more into inspiration and i started to look um to other dads and how they did things and i was very inspired by people you and um we used to be in a group didn't we uh years ago phil when our kids were a bit younger and it was great just being in a room full of men 12 men who most of whom had young kids and we were to share stories and that was that was amazing just being around other people like that that could you know that could i could just talk to which was it's one of the amazing things about church really and getting that input yeah inspiration you know yeah yeah making friends if you can away and certainly i like the others then his dad's and we've got a lot of people like that and i guess it's part of the the wonderful verse in the bible that says god puts the lonely in families and actually a church is a family or a good you know good functioning church and this i mean i i teach in a jewish school so i love using yiddish words there's a great jewish word mishpochah which basically means your family and your mates and your hangers on and anyone who would come into your house and put the kettle on without having to be asked and if you join the church i know it's very hard emmett because we're on the human rest and benefits we're enormous but fantastic as well yeah no very good and i think on that point before your broadband dies completely uh we will uh say we'll say to rides everybody we've hit the five o'clock we've hit the hour mark but i think it's right and i think just coming back to this point right um god puts a lonely in families in church's family one of the reasons i love church is i feel like i'm part of the family and you know if you don't have a church if you're not part of a church feel free to make crowd your church we would love to welcome you here we'd love to have you part of the community and just again just put that number up there's the whatsapp number there's a website at the bottom of the screen if there's anything you would like us to pray for or pray about then please do get in touch with us via that number or contact us through the whatsapp if you want to you know be more connected with crowd again just reach out to us using one of those methods next week we are kicking off a brand new series uh with anna kettle the first time anaker will have spoken at crowd she is an amazing person she's an author she's just released her first book which is fab and she's going to be asking the question is there more to life than this sally will be hosting next week i think i've got that right uh but that's what's happening next week in the meantime happy father's day uh and i hope you know you've you've got something out of the service day phil any final words from you but yeah do you want to know more about fostering me but i've also written a blog about father's day today and i don't know if you can find it on i don't know how i can share that with the world because i just put a link in the comments the blog brilliant the blog might give up do that using the skills the blog might give people a little bit more of an insight into what i do and and i know that the internet has been a bit rubbish let's get over it because um because i don't know anything about how the internet works i'll put the blog up and i'm gonna have a read of that brilliantly fantastic yeah we'll make sure that gets uh put up for you and like phil said uh just in case you didn't uh hear what he said if you would like to know more about fostering fostering or adopting then get in touch with phil he would love to have a conversation with you and point you in the right direction he's a real champion of it it's an amazing thing that phil does as part of his role so do get in touch with him do do that you know so have a fantastic week everyone uh wherever you are there you go there's the the link in the comments i will add that to the screen uh because i can oh let me just move that up there we go there's a link to uh brilliant blog if you want to check it out do do that uh in the meantime have a fantastic week from phil and myself we're going to close out by playing a worship song at the end of that song the live stream will end and you know feel free to stay to sing along to carry on writing in the comments i'm gonna head into the comments and start chatting to people uh it's been great to be with you phil i've really enjoyed this week even though the internet was rubbish thanks for sticking with us i appreciate you being with us but really thanks matt thanks everybody see you sometime soon in real life absolutely god of goodness anything less than all of you less than your life giving true could never satisfy my heart do i have it all only in you jesus only in you less than your life-giving truth never said in you jesus how great you are how great am beyond measured how great am beyond there's you how great you are how great you are how great and beyond how brave in you you jesus
