Building Relationships For Spiritual Growth

welcome to this week's crowd church service we are a digital Church on a quest to discover how Jesus helps us live a more meaningful life we are a community a space to explore the Christian faith and a place just about an hour and in a few seconds we will start with a time of worship after which you will meet our hosts for our service who will introd U today's talk after the talk we head into conversation Street where we look at your stories and questions that you've posted in the comments throughout the live stream I want to invite you to connect with us here at crowd church and there are a few ways that you can do just that firstly you can engage with crowd from any device during our live stream and if you're up for it why not invite a few friends over and EXP experience the service together you see church is all about connecting with God and connecting with others and one of the easiest ways for you to do that is to also Join one of our midweek groups where we meet online together to catch up and discover more about the amazingness of Christ you can also subscribe to our podcast called what's the story where we Deep dive into stories of faith and courage from Everyday People more information about all of these things that I've mentioned can be found on our website at www.c crow. church or you can reach us uh on social media at crowd church if you're new to crowd or new to the Christian faith and would like to know what your next steps to take are well why not head over to our website crowd. Church forward SL next for more details and now the moment you've been waiting for is here our online church service starts right now well good evening and welcome to crowd online Church great to see hello hello everyone hello hello hello hello Jen's here Jen's in the house so your second week with us it is you came back thanks for having me back after last week you came back you weren't like totally put off uh no only a little bit okay we'll try harder this week we'll definitely try harder Andy how you doing great to see you in the comments if you're watching the live stream joining with us whether on YouTube or Facebook um do say hi in the comments it' be great to hear from you um so yeah welcome welcome to crowd online Church great that you're here how's your week been yeah I've had a an okay week quite busy with work and various things but you know all right yeah all right yours okay uh yes yes it was no it's very good actually it's gone by very quick felt like we were here yesterday yeah I know it's crazy is absolutely just like have I left this place I don't know Andy says hello Jen by the way hello hello Andy can you read that without your glasses yeah yeah I can I can see distance fine it's close it's just closeup it's closeup so yes very warm welcome to you if you're just joining us this is crowd online Church uh today we have got the right Reverend John Harding talking with us uh in case you don't know John is what do why don't you tell people who John is John is a senior pastor of Frontline Church um and he's been a member of the church for many years um and he yeah leads the the whole team there and he's great he's a legend is he he is he's brilliant he's a legend yeah great teacher great great what teacher I don't mean school well he was a school teacher he was a school teacher I mean he teaches the word very well he does he does teach it very well so yeah we got John sharing the word with us so he's going to be talking from the book of Acts which is a book we have been working our way through over the last forever it feels like um I don't even know where we are today I think chapter 20 somewhere around there we've got like five or six more weeks I think in the book of Acts uh I could be wrong I think we go to the end of January we're going to have a slight break over Christmas um and then we're starting our new series which uh we're still sort of thinking of the title for but we're going to be talking basically about well-being and what does that look like physically mentally spiritually um economically all that kind of stuff relationally yeah a lot of stuff we're going to get into which I'm I'm really looking forward to so this sort of whole well-being series that we've got planned so make sure I don't know yet we've not we've not put it out yet but you never know you never know so yeah we've got that coming so make sure you like And subscribe uh to the uh online church and then when it comes out you'll know all about it if you haven't done so already by the way head over to the website where www.c crow. church or you can find us on social media at crowd Church uh where you can connect with us that way uh follow along join in the conversation direct messages on the website at crowd. church you will find a number WhatsApp number where you can reach out to us via WhatsApp you can send us your prayer requests any questions that you've got uh we've been having great conversations with people like Judy this week which she's just an absolute Legend Judy uh so if be like Judy come and enjoy the conversation with us on whatat WAP I don't know either I just don't know I don't know Soh yes but um so we' got John Harding after John Harding uh good morning [Laughter] Nicola maybe for some people around the world it is in fact morning I can put that to the broadcastter just to confuse everybody so morning Lala Julie Connelly hi Julie's join Julie welcome back home is Julie back been in India isn't you yeah I didn't know if she was still over there yeah I think they're they're home now okay if you're back Julie welcome hope it was good uh in India I know I I still thought they were over there but maybe they're watching this in India I don't know anyway wherever you are in the world watching this uh great to see you great that you're joining us um do say hi in comments love to hear from you uh and so uh yeah whether you're watching on Facebook or on one of the many other channels like YouTube it's great that you're joining us so without further Ado we're going to get into John's talk um oh Julie says amazing the photos that your pictures were amazing do you want to tell people what Julie did because there people are like what what I don't I don't know fly 100% but I think she was um with the team fliff um was there um in India and they were doing teaching um giving their testimonies um work just going into Villages and uh lots of playing with the kids um and you know worshiping together I just think it looked great it you know really great photos and yeah it just looked like they were really meeting the people you know great yeah great glad you had a good time uh it's very nice uh that that happened so yeah we got back on track we've got John uh doing the wood after John has taught uh I think his talk is about 15 16 minutes long from memory something like Anyway when however long he's chatting for we'll be back Jen and I be back for conversation Street where we're going to go through your questions or comments um in the feed and we're going to chat about we're going to talk about the talk is what we're going to do so uh do throw your questions in the comments be great to hear what you've got to say uh I'm going to push this button on my pads and J and I'll be back directly we'll see you soon hi there Crow church I want to share some thoughts with you today from Acts chapter 20 and I'd really encourage you to listen to this talk with a Bible open maybe even read Acts 20 the chapter after you've listened to this talk just to help you really take hold of what God might be wanting to say to you today through the text through his word let me just overview the chapter really quickly just to place it into its context you've got Paul the Apostle Paul he is traveling around on Mission through Israel modern day Turkey into Greece onto Rome and as he do does so he goes everywhere preaching the gospel people are becoming Christians he's Gathering those new Christian Believers together and starting new churches new communities he's training up newad leaders for those churches and then as you go through acts you see goes back to those communities from time to time to further encourage and develop the leaders that's acts and then he's writing letters to those churches to help them and they are called the Epistles books in the New Testament like Ephesians Corinthians Philippians that he's writing back into those emerging Church communities and the point that I want to make here today from Acts 20 is that Christianity Spiritual Development spiritual growth is a relational thing it's relational it's something that we do better together and that comes across really strongly in Acts and in Acts 20 I'll explain why in just a moment but um this is one of the things I love about what we're doing here with crouching Church you know in in this modern world a person could if they wanted to they could try and develop and grow spiritually entirely on their own in isolation you could go online you could find loads of sermons and teachings by people you don't know and you could never interact with other Christians you could get it all beamed into your home but that is not what we try to do uh through crowd and online Church what we're trying to do is find ways of connecting together growing together and my goal is not that people would listen to this talk my hope is that you'd listen to this talk and then connect with others in working out what it means to apply to your life and to live it out so um this chapter Acts 20 is so so relational in the previous chapter Acts 19 Paul Paul has been in Ephesus modern day turkey and he has basically caused a riot he's escaped for his life and now he's traveling through Macedonia through Greece onto his way to Rome and the first thing I want you to notice about uh this chapter and about the relationships in this chapter is that as Paul Journeys through life he takes people with him he walks through life with others and there's this list of people in verse four that Paul is journeying with people who Paul is investing in as he travels soer gaos and of course Luke who's writing everything down when he says we he's talking about himself and Paul and those others and so we all need a few people who we we are journeying through life with I wonder who you would name in your list list as Luke names in Paul's list the second thing I want you to know is about this chapter and about the relationships in this chapter is that everywhere Paul goes he is encouraging people verse one says he encouraged the disciples verse two says he traveled through the area speaking many words of encouragement to the people if you want to build good friendships good relationships speak words of encouragement and Life to people don't be one of those people who are always moaning always complaining because you know people don't really want to journey through life with people who are like that speak words of Hope speak words of encouragement speak words of blessing to those people around you yes be open be honest but make sure that you are investing more into the relationship than you take from it so I wonder if you were to do a little audit of your speech if someone was to record your speech what you say to others would your speech be characterized by encouragement and blessing or by discouragement and complaining so then through chapter 20 as we hit verse 17 um Paul stops his journey for a while in a place called malius and Paul sends for the leaders of the um Ephesian Church to come to meet him there because he wants to meet them but he can't go back to Ephesus safely because he caused a riot the last time that he was there so he gathers those leaders to himself relational and in Acts 20 we read Paul's words to those leaders they are incredible words I I wish I had time to unpack them uh with you i' encourage enage you to read those words that Paul speaks to that team of leaders he says to them Verse 18 you have seen how I lived when I was with you and that is really important how I lived because in the Christian faith we learn more through imitation than information that's why I say learn in community learn in relationship I'm not really interested in how much someone knows I'm interested in how they live how it's applied to their life the difference that it makes so just a thought but I wonder what lessons are people learning from you from the way that you live your life now it is clear from chapter 20 that Paul has a pretty good idea that this is going to be the last time he speaks to these leaders verse 38 uh those leaders realize that they may never see Paul again so when we read it we can read it as some of Paul's last words that's how in his mind he intended it to speak to them his last words and so I just want to focus on those words uh from verse 28 chapter 20: 28 Paul says to these leaders keep watch over yourselves and all the flock now flock is a relational term isn't it uh that's why I say In this passage it is relational the Christian faith is relational as we enter into relationship with Jesus we become part of a flock we have a relationship with others we then have to find a flock a community a church a place of Refuge that we can belong but notice that Paul says um watch over yourselves and all the flock in other words as Leaders we have to lead ourselves well first that is the first level of leadership that's what I'm looking for when I'm looking to develop leaders someone who leads themsel well those levels of leadership leading self leading others leading leaders and how many leaders do we see that can seemingly lead others well they can seemingly lead organizations into impacts and growth but then later on we discover they hadn't kept watch over themselves they hadn't LED themselves well leadership starts with self- leadership and Paul then reminds those leaders actually it's not their flock they don't own the flock the the church Community it is Jesus's Church it is Jesus's flock he is the chief Shepherd the good Shepherd as a church leader I find that so liberating so uh freeing that as Leaders we just Steward and care for what belongs to him it's his church by the way verse 28 also reminds us of the cost of this flock this flock is precious because he bought it with his own blood there was a cost to be being part of his flock verse 29 Paul then talks about the Savage WF Who attack the flock now this is nothing to be scared of there's no fear for us because our Good Shepherd Jesus guards us and watches over us but it is a warning to us and this is again about relationship it's about belonging you see I as a sheep in God's flock I'm prone to get disconnected I'm prone to go about my own way I'm prone to wander that's what sheep do now that is the sort of sheep that the wolf the s that Satan is looking for easy pickings that one sheep that gets separated and disconnected from the flock so don't let offense don't let Church hurt don't don't let Pride don't let unforgiveness don't let consumerism and preference don't let it disconnect you from the flock stay connected in relationship with other believers now I'm going to uh finish in just a moment I'm keeping it short not least because in the middle of the chapter is the story of uus uh Paul preached right through the night into the morning and in the morning uus fell asleep and he fell off a third story window and he died and Paul very much in the imitation of Jesus he imitates Jesus Elijah and Elisha and he raised the boy back to life in fact he uses the very same words that Jesus had used when Jesus had raised gyrus his daughter so actually if anything this passage affirms long sermons as long as those long sermons are accompanied by a demonstration of the spirit's power no one cares how long the preacher preaches for if someone gets raised from the dead do they um but you know that all night preaching it does help me to land on my last point and it's this Paul grafted Paul served the Lord with all of his energy Paul worked hard not to earn his salvation not to earn God's favor he wasn't striving he wasn't some sort of self-serving workaholic no he loved the Lord and He Loved people and he wanted people to be brought into relationship with Jesus into relationship with others the church the flock Paul's work his labor I would say reflexed out of his relationship with Jesus it reflected out of God's grace that was abounding to him and at work in his life if I'm honest one of my concerns about modern Western Christianity is that we sort of give the impression that um we should put our effort and our energy into ourselves into self-development spiritual formation it's a bit of a pendulum swing from previous generations and now we've discovered Sabbath I'm I'm just res in the Lord I'm just Sabbath in a a permanent Sabbath rest don't ask anything of me but actually what we see in the earliest Church in Acts is that the joy the energy the transformation personally came as those first Believers sought to seek first the kingdom of God as they built the kingdom as they extended the kingdom as they sewed into and invested into the lives of others us that's where the joy and transformation was found and this is the dynamic that we see here in chapter 20 and in Paul's final words to them verse 35 and Paul says to them he says he says everything that I did all the hard work all the serving of the week it was all done in response to Jesus's words that it is more blessed to give than to receive it's more blessed to give than to receive there is a Greater Joy a greater happiness a greater satisfaction a greater transformation that comes through the giving of ourselves in loving service of King Jesus now usually when you preach a message like that um I found people like to qualify it and balance it out and say ah yes that's right John but you need healthy boundaries don't get burnt out which is absolutely true it it's correct and and as we read earlier Shepherds take care of yourself first and then the flock but I want my final points here to be this that that Paul calls us into observation and imitation it's about observation and imitation of a way of life so who are you observing when I observe the lives of the healthy happiest most fulfilled people I know I see people really who are truly living out those words of Jesus they have discovered that it is more blessed to give than to receive people who serve so Acts 20 relationships who are you speaking words of encouragement to who are you journeying through life with who are you caring for and who are you you serving amen so welcome back uh John was pretty good I I enjoyed that talk have you got lots of notes yeah I saw you doing this with your glasses so like I'm got to read them now yeah got to get my head around the notes thank you Mr Harding that was fantastic really encouraging very challenging um and so yeah before we get into that let me just catch up with the comments here so we have got Anna CLE saying lovely to see J hting thank you Anna and as a legend she's one of the hosts on the show show yeah it's not a show is itur service I don't yeah Friday night uh I do do podcasts so the podcast hence the reason I keep calling sometimes I call this one actually sometimes I call the other podcast online church services which is completely not true at all uh so it's maybe it's an age thing yeah I think so H we've got Miriam in the comments who's watching from scarra scarra scarra she's on holiday in scarra actually I went to scar when I was kid yeah yeah as a holiday I've have really good memories of it as well and yeah so much so I've not wanted to go since just because I don't want to destroy yeah the memory if that Mak sense um scarra scarra yeah Nicholas put in the comments I love being in the crowd flock John obviously used the word flock a lot we're going to get into that uh but Nicholas put that i' have been part of the crowd flock and I just replied actually I think that's maybe the new name we'll change it from crowd Church to crowd flock yeah crowflock docomo to uh not at all um so got Isaac in the comments uh hello Pastor greetings to you please pray for my orphanage home for food and water I Isaac's from Africa actually so Isaac good to see you and blessing God's blessing on your orphanage uh it's going on there andy like the bit about investing in relationships otherwise relationships might not be mutually balanced very good so we're going to get into all of this keep your comments coming uh and any questions that you've got based on John's I mean any questions full stop really I try and answer them unless it's what of the latest lottery numbers in which case it'll be a complete guess yeah um but yeah you know uh keep your questions keep your comments coming as we're going to get into it because there was a lot there yeah well what's in your notes what's top of your notes um what have I put in just about how Christianity is first and foremost relational yes it's not it's not just an intellectual Faith um no it's not it's not a solo sport either is it it's a team sport Christianity yeah it is totally about people um and that's important because I think quite often societ at the moment is super isolated isn't it um yeah I mean super super I don't know if you've noticed this in your job J actually um but it's I think it's so isolated at the moment and it's it's to sort of we become conditioned to it do you know what I mean and I think um yeah it's just not it's not what God intended really no no it's it's it's not that kind of isolated solo sport thing going on you need to be part of a team really part of a community yeah um I think there's meaning in that I think there's purpose in that and I think it's part of God's design is to be with protction in that yeah yeah which John talked about actually he's talking yeah so that whole protection side of things yeah so it is relational uh Christianity is relational it's about being in relationship with people what else have you got in there um just about how when he walk when Paul walked through life with others he was investing and choosing people to Journey with yeah and I think sometimes we can focus on our jobs we can focus on our family um primarily um and not really pay much attention to who we're journeying with yeah um outside of those relationships um but I think I think it's really important I remember um Nick Harding once saying that you become like those you spend time with yeah um and that's so true isn't it that oh it's totally true we have to be um intentional I think about who we journey with what does what do you what does that mean though to be intentional do you think I think I think choosing your friends um I think what I mean by that is the the people that we um trust um with you know with things with with our lives that we open up to um that we live beside um and who we socialize with yeah I think it's important that we are careful in that I mean you know in in work actually you can't choose those your colleagues um but out of work I think you can yeah and I think it's important to be with people who encourage who were kind who were loving yeah and who were honest yeah um what do you think M yeah I agree I think I mean you know we connect with all kinds of people don't we um uh throughout our lifetime and we create close bonds and friendships with people um and we journey through life together with them and I I think for me this whole intentionality thing I I have a I have a thing in my diary um like half an hour scheduled a couple of times a week where I'm just like during this time reach out to and I have a list of people um because if I don't connect with them and it might just be a Simple Text uh or an email like I might email Andy or I might send a text to Nicol or whatever go hey how you doing just checking in and it's just part of my routine where yeah um I have different people and I have a little calendar reminder just to remind me if you've not heard from these people just checking with them connecting with them for a little bit because I think it's so easy easy to get disconnected yeah um very from people that we should stay connected with right um I know Sharon does this for example with my mom she's really really good at staying connected with my mom and she has a little calendar reminder to call my mom um and say you know howdy Dy um and I think I think there are people that we are friends with that to be intentional in that relationship whether it's um a friendship whether it's my marriage whether it's um people at church where actually I have to reach out because it's easy not to do that yeah do do I mean in the current in the current board in which we live abely yeah definitely I I um I 100% agree um and I I think even if it means that we have to write things on a calendar to remind ourselves then then so be it you know it's it's not that out of sight out of mind particularly it's just that our lives are so busy yeah and it you know we we just don't think about or we we don't always make the effort to it's not that we don't care it's just you know our our lives are too busy so I think having reminders to do those things is brilliant yeah I tell you it works for me um I'm not saying it's for everybody I'm just saying it works for me and I know like there's the past couple of days there's a family that I know that's just been on my mind I've been praying for them um and I keep thinking to myself I must give them a ring I mean I must give him a call and then something happens I know and and it and then I don't and and you and I can sit here and think well actually I've been saying that to myself for the last few days and if I'm not careful I won't do it so I have to make a note to do that right so um yeah who have you not reached out to recently who do you need to connect with just send a text message or an email or give them a ring um just say hey howdy Duty it's great to connect with you I'm just checking in what are you saying to them howdy Duty what's that did you not know the phrase howy do course I do I just just awkward very bizarre thing to say how did if you said that to me i' be going yeah everybody text Jen how do you do just do it randomly throughout the week just text J how do you do you Jen mental note to me text J howdy do um Nicholas put here I think if it had not been for Church community I don't think I'd be here anymore oh now this is another this is a part of um what John Harding was talking about in terms of encouragement right so um it's one thing to connect with people and to actually you know make that a habit in whatever way works for you like say for me the calendar appointments but in a way that is is encouraging right so I have this challenge um that I that I give people all the time and I think it's a really good challenge to have because we have become I think John touched on this actually Christianity has become quite consumer Le isn't it in the sense that yeah church has to give me whatever it is I want out of church and if it's not giving me whatever I want I'm off because you know that's not what church is all about it's all about making me happy I need to I need to feel a certain thing and you need to give me great teaching you need to yeah and it's there's an element of you need to get fed in church and I appreciate that um but in Hebrews if I read it correctly um church is more about what you give and specifically Paul talks about this in Thessalonians John talked about it Day from the talk who can you encourage and that desire that understanding that whenever I work into walk into the church build regardless of what I'm going through in some respects and it's not you know there are times don't get me wrong there are seasons when you want to go to church you want to connect with god um and you want to hear from God right and you do and you you want to know what's going on and I think that's super super important but nine times out of 10 actually going to church is about encouraging those in the church building and just how different would Church be if we just went with a mindset that says God help help me encourage people today when I go to church yeah um who can I find and encourage do you know what I mean absolutely yeah I'm a I I love encouraging people I I you're very good at it J do you think yeah I think you're you're great to be around a thank you and I think people always feel uh loved up and encouraged when they're areg that's a nice thing to say thank you because you have this you have this really cool sense of humor right um and so and if you don't know Jen and you don't know Jen sense of hum sometimes uh people just think you're being totally serious and she's just you know like the howdy Duty Bo yeah uh it's just just just really really funny but I think at the same time you're also super encouraging oh thank you and I think um you always come it's like today you came and you said I was listening to Sharon's what's the story and she was great because of this and you didn't have to say that but um it's just you know it's an encouraging thing to hear so I think you are naturally quite encouraging I don't know if it's intentional um a bit of both yeah I really like doing it um because I don't think there's enough encouragement in the world no so um but yeah it is the one thing for saying that that's very nice I just um picked up on what John said as well I think when the world is telling us it's about number one it's about self development it's about you know making sure you're okay um I think the opposite of that is is Kingdom values is it's about serving and actually I think when we take our eyes off ourselves that's when we get true yeah um true joy and depth and meaning and purpose Yeah in our relationships you know I think when you can um give to someone else um although it is feels like it's hard sometimes when you're tired or you're hurting or you know you're feeling not great I think whenever we make the effort to serve or to help someone else God always blesses us doesn't he yeah he does it's like I I remember you know going various points to Africa and Julie can relate to this going to India recently that you go there thinking I'm going to we're giving this and we're bringing the the other actually you're always blessed so much more yeah yeah you always take more out of it you know yeah so yeah it's good it's an interesting yeah it's very true it's very true and I like this idea of what you said about serving you know and actually uh it's the exact opposite Spirit of the culture in which we're in at the moment which I have to be honest with you I think is um we're going to get into this actually in a couple of weeks I'm doing a talk on worldview so I'm going to get into this in a lot more depth um but I we live in a culture at the moment which is so narcissistic yeah in the west which is so based upon me right so what do I mean by that in the sense that now it's got to the stage where if you do not agree with me and what I say may be inaccurate it may be an untruth but if you don't agree with it then not only are you intolerant and a bigot that's right you are wrong that's right and so we I talked about this with Tony and a uh the talk we did on friendship which was a great conversation if you've not heard it do check it out um well actually friends they are people that not only encourage you but encouraging you is not making you feel better about yourself right encouragement from a Christian perspective is hey dude this is what God says right let's understand what God's saying this is what God's got us for is let's pursue this with all our heart and encourage Us in that right in the things of God and to know God and to understand God it's not necessarily about making us feel better about ourselves no and so we've gone so far down this path now which says actually I am so right and I am so it's all about me that if you don't agree with me then everything about you is wrong that's right and we're going to close a door and you know the whole Council culture came out of that didn't it and I think people take offense don't they oh they do they do I think offenses a real I mean it it's so it's so toxic isn't it you know I've been on the the other end of offending people various times of my life and it's really quite shocking and it's very unpleasant and um I just think you know I again I remember um one of someone talking at Frontline a few years ago saying you know we have a choice whether we take offense or not just because someone disagrees with us or like you've just said M you know um don't have the same opinion you have a choice there and then whether you're offended by that and you know it's it's just about growing up a little bit I think yeah it's about it's like you say it's about not being so focused on self yeah and it's not being so focused on me and my rights it's not so focused on that it's um more about serving it's about understanding the person in front of you and going how can I bless you how can I encourage you how can I serve you rather than how can you serve me how can you edify me how do you make me feel better about myself it's it's it's Christianity I think is is the opposite Spirit um yeah and part of the time I mean to be fair you know Christians haven't been great at doing that we've been great at disagreeing with people um but we've not been great at encouraging people and I think um I think it's a real shame I really do H and so yeah serve and encouragement in fact encouragement and serving go hand in hand yeah yeah that's to um serving is one way to encourage people Nichol is very good at that although she's put wine or Jin in the comments I'm not quite sure that's glass of wine bread yeah now now Nicola it's a bit too early for a gin and tonic in England anyway don't know if that answers your question random question in the comments uh but yes um so one of the things that John put my glasses on now so I can read my notes I'm do that thing that Jen doesn't on the end of my nose you know just look over the glasses very very Superior of me um mhm so yes so the speech audit oh yeah I thought that was an interesting idea doing an audit of how you talk to people no it's fascinating yeah it is I think it I don't think it would go well for me I think it would I think it would well yeah there's um there's a really interesting app right called Otter now they do not sponsor crowd church let me just be totally clear um otter is a transcription service oh yeah okay and I have it on my phone I have it on my computer and with work one of the things that I do uh whenever I have a meeting like a zoom call or you know there's a few of us chat chatting I'll put the phone down or I'll turn the and I will record that conversation right okay and Otter will transcribe that conversation oh wow and so it will say you know these and it's great because it then goes through and it summarizes what was said and it draws out the action points which yeah work is beautiful thing because I'm rubbish at taking notes uh when I'm engrossed in a conversation and so um I one of the reason I'm telling you this is one of the things that otter does which utterly fascinates me um is it tells you the percentage of that conversation that you have spoken for really so if you and I had a conversation yeah and it recorded it it would say Matt you spoke 70% 70% and you Jen spoke 30% mhm and that has become really really interesting to help me understand in a conversation how much I actually take up and not giving space to the other person's talk it's not always that you don't um you know I'm not talking about you personally but it's not always about taking up space I think sometimes people you know need to give a bit more don't they yeah they do they do but yeah that's really interesting I tell you what what was fascinating was the numbers next to people were not what I expected them to be really so you should download the app right and just record the conversations that you have obviously with the permission of the people is it free yeah really I think there's a paid version which we have because they Ed it so much um but yeah it's just this really interesting idea and just doing this sort of speech audit yeah so not only what I say but how much of the conversation I yeah yeah it's really interesting yeah fascinating yeah really really fascinating um and so it's meant actually when I do different podcasts that I um I tone down the amount of I'm I'm actually aware of talking less and asking more questions yeah yeah it's it's really powerful talk anyway speech audit what would your speech audit come back at you know what I think the best thing to do here Jen uh in the short term for me mhm I reckon if I went and ask Sharon she'd tell me straight what a speech audit you know if I if I said to her am I encouraging or discouraging um yeah those people around you those that your journey in with life will be able to tell you whether you're encouraging or discouraging yeah definitely I think you're an encourager no I do I'm I'm not joking this is the encourage each other club tonight um so yeah so I thought that was really we still got more time or uh yeah we got plenty of time is there something more you want to say I I I really liked um what well I thought the whole talk was great but about the importance of leading yourself first oh yes um that a good leader has to lead themselves before they can lead anyone else um so I think that's talking about um you know discipline self disip discipline yeah um you know basically not just it's not do as I say is it um you know it's do as I do yeah um do you know what I mean so you can't just get up on a Sunday and expect people to follow your lead if you're not living it yourself and yeah yeah um do you know where I've figured this out the most or I've seen this the most is having kids okay in the sense that um kids are brilliant at mirroring your actions yeah and that's a little bit eye opening isn't it yeah did you have you found that because you've got three great kids I think yeah def oh 100% but I realized that all the the bad things really from from Tim so all the all the good qualities are you know clearly from me obviously uh obviously Tim's Jan's Husband by the way if you don't know do you find that yeah they get all their bad qualities from me and all their good ones from uh from Sharon definitely no no no but no I think it's just really fascinating when you have kids that um Julie's put in the comments by the way you're a total an thank you might be you she means I think it's definitely you ah thanks Julie oh she's a a great speaks the truth woman of Truth she is yeah yeah definitely but no I think since having kids and seeing just seeing sometimes my kids act and understanding actually they've totally picked that up from me and you just kind of go oh maybe I need to changeis yeah yeah yeah I would I would do stupid things like um I man I'm not great now but you know if I sat at the table with the phone the kids are going to think it's okay the table with the phone mean it's just what they're and so leading by example is the old what they used to say isn't it the old fashioned lead by example do that yeah um but it's really interesting because Paul said in scripture didn't he said imitate me as I imitate Christ that's a pretty bold statement isn't it I I don't know if I've ever gone to people I don't actually know how people would respond to it if I just turn around to people no no copy me as I copy Jesus it's a pretty bold say to folks isn't it because absolutely I think you've got to be fairly that you're copying Jesus in in the right way I think I think I'm doing all right don't get me wrong I don't think I'm perfect by any social imagination but it's one of those um where you then become aware of actually how you act as well as what you say right and I imagine this is especially true with what you do for work yeah um in what way what you mean well Asing you're in the public a lot you're in the community a lot um and um is it okay to tell people what you do yeah sure so Jan is a community Midwife yeah not just a midwife a community Midwife um and so you get to see people at the most vulnerable don't you I suppose in a lot of ways um at a time when they're both really excited and quite petrified all at the same time um and so yeah that that that's what I mean in terms of you know what you say and what you do I think becomes quite important because you can I suppose if you if you say one thing but act in another way that's going to really that could cause people to Flap yeah definitely or feel like you don't care yeah absolutely I mean it goes across the board um you know in all our relationships um that it goes back to what we said last week it's about integrity isn't it so um I I think you know as a as a midwife as a health professional that I have to just focus on on what I'm doing on my patient that I'm not thinking about myself um but I'm thinking about how I can be the best for them um and give them the best care um but if I was you know sort of not consistent in that then they would soon know and they would yeah they would I mean women talk you know women these days either they don't put up as much say that either but um we'd soon know about it if they weren't happy yeah yeah but um yeah no I I think it affects all of us in all of our relationship so yeah absolutely no it does and I think just encouraging people I Julie says here you look lovely as well so I mean you've got it you've got it all coming from Julie thank you Julie Julie's always got lovely hair got good hair very good hair J very important thing to say h Julie's got good hair uh Isaac says I thank God for your blessing uh which is great Andy's put wwjd what would Jesus do on me does it mean me what would Jan do I we could go either way J says yeah I have got good turn yeah we know Julie it's always Immaculate and always Immaculate and shiny yes no very very beautiful hair it's extraordinary um what would Jesus do uh what would Jan do two great questions to ask in life you know what I I was doing um uh a business event in the land down under I was in New Zealand right I was speaking at an event down there there go know there's a couple hundred people at the event M and I was doing this business uh conference type thing down there and I was speaking at that and um I was talking about this the phenomenon at the time of the wwjd you know the bands where you used to get wwjd what Jesus do and it just said ww JD no one in New Zealand knew what I was talking about really really surprised me yeah I was like oh goodness man there goes that whole talk I had to re think something SL there it is but www JD they do say New Zealand's about 20 years behind no don't say that they do no they don't New Zealand's awesome I love New Zealand uh yeah what would Jesus do uh is a great question to ask yourself good question there andy what would Jesus do uh that's a good that whole imitate me as I imitate Jesus absolutely thinking about what would Jesus do yeah anything else in the in the last minutes Jam from your notes you want to desperately talk about just can't can't um ignore the fact that John used the word reflex which is in all of his talks which you know it's a good thing it is a good thing John has even written a book hasn't he called reflex yeah yeah I'm surprised actually didn't show a copy on screening you can find out more about reflex from my book it is a good book remember that song Jen Jen yeah I was a I am a Jiran I used to be I'm a Jan did you ever go to a Jan Jan concert oh yeah yeah of course how many did you go were you a groupy I would have liked to have been but I was about 14 when they were out okay but I did um bunk off school ones to go and see them oh yes coming they do now well they did now but and no it was the only time I ever did it so as we're talking about imitate me as I imitate Christ and as we're talking about how kids imitate their parents I think carish you've just got licensed there to bnk off school and go to any kind of you haven't none of you yeah if your kids are watching you're in so much danger indeed it's just very very funny very funny indeed uh yeah Jan Jan what what Legends they were yeah yeah defined an eror yeah they did Define an eror so if you're just joining us welcome to Matt and Jen talk about Jen Jen the 1980s actually no no the The Reflex you're true and it's uh the way John talks about it is very much it's like our default it's our way of responding our way of acting yeah um and what our default response should be should be hopefully as we become more and more mature in our walk with Christ it should become more more like that shouldn't it really yeah in theory not always great absolutely so yes uh and then obviously um lead yourself well first I thought was a that was a great phrase you mentioned that earlier about the first level of leadership lead yourself well first and for me I mean John picked on the fact that we are now you know we've as a church uh there's been a lot of books recently in Christianity about doing s Sabbath and we've we've taken it from one extreme to another because that's what Christians do we like s the pendulum um and he he sort of Drew attention to that leading yourself well yeah I think actually involves more self-discipline than anything else yeah I think I mean and I think um one of the fruits of the spirit is self-control not something we talk about that often but it is um and actually leading yourself well is being very self-controlled like I've got finite amount of time I'm going to spend it this way I'm going to be intentional in these relationships so if you're married I'm going to be intentional in my marriage if I have kids going to be intentional with my kids my friends I'm going to be intentional there I'm going to go to church I'm going to encourage the socks off everybody that I meet I'm going to pray for them I'm going to have a hopefully seek God and try and get a word for you know some of them that's what I think leading yourself well is all about that's amazing yeah I love that you sounded like you were going to say something no I was just thinking how great is that you know yeah how different Church would look like if we actually did that yeah defin and our workplaces well you you've talk before about you know not being and you you mentioned it again this evening we're not we shouldn't be consumers should we we are givers really we should be giving um and what are people learning from our lives you know it's it's self-reflection is good yeah um just totally focusing on self is isn't yeah um but I think when we take our eyes off ourselves onto Jesus um then I think we you know real happiness real peace comes from that doesn't it and yeah absolutely and we can build proper relationships yeah it's not just all about how you're feeling and um you know what you're getting out of it yeah very good I think it's very true seeing yourself through the lens of Jesus is quite important really uh Through The Eyes of Jesus so now so super super cool well let me tell you from my notes Here what's coming up next week um I'm just going to click on it and find out because I don't actually know uh you talk for a sec J well I figure it out because I should have checked this before no I just um yeah thank you for uh for John bringing that word like the little pictures as well the the graphics that that between that was really good yeah years I'm with a video editing shout out T who edits the video she's the legend yeah that was very good she's a legend so next week you have got Dan Orange in this chair he is doing hosting along John Harding will be next week in that chair and apparently Anna Kettle is speaking oh wow fantastic Anna looking forward to hearing what you've got to say next week I'm actually going to be in Paris who with uh my wife we've been married for 25 years this year finally we get to go and celebrate and Sharon's never actually been to Paris yeah I was shocked too when I found out oh Paris is I love Paris you like it beautiful yeah yeah Paris a Paris oh have a wonderful time well yeah I'll be tuning in from to crowd from the streets of Paris next week so wherever you are H sometimes there just no words are there really o excellent uh let's let's let's get some control back now uh if you haven't done so already head over to the website www. crow. church or on to social media Crow church and connect with us through that make sure you sign up to the email as well that goes out every week that's on there any prayer requests that you would like to send through um please please do so send them by email send them by social media or via WhatsApp the number is on the website they go through to the prayer team um do send those through be great to hear from you we do love to pray for people uh make sure you like And subscribe to crowd Church wherever you consume content I suppose whether it's on Facebook or YouTube or uh however you do it it's been great to be with you this week any final words from you Miss Jen no just um have a wonderful week and um um yeah I just pray that you know that we all um really make a note of what are we saying to other people when we're living Our Lives when we're going about our everyday life what are people learning from us and try and encourage someone this week be be intentional about encouraging wherever you are very good be intentional about encouraging wherever you are top tip and on that bombshell uh I will bid you or we will bid you aure have a fantastic week wherever you are in the world thanks for joining us thanks for all your comments or Ora I'm practicing my friendship anyway we'll see you next time that's it for bless you guys bye bye bye thank you so much for joining us here on crowd church now if you are watching on YouTube make sure you hit the Subscribe Button as well as that little tiny bell notification to get notified the next time we are live and of course if you are listening to the podcast uh the live stream podcast make sure you also hit the follow button Now by Smashing the like button on YouTube or writing a review on your podcast platform it helps us reach more people with the message that Jesus really does help us live a more meaningful and purposeful life so if you haven't done so already be sure to check out our website www.c crow. church where you can learn more about us as a church more about the Christian faith and also how to connect into our church Community it has been awesome to connect with you and you are awesome it's just a burden you have to bear and hopefully we'll see you next time that's it from us God bless you bye for now