Does faith genuinely change the experience of being a mum, or is it just another layer of pressure? We explore what motherhood looks like through the lens of faith, with honesty about the struggles and the surprising ways belief shapes the everyday.
01The Question Nobody Asks on Mother's Day
How do you feel when someone says "Happy Mother's Day"? For some, it's a lovely moment. For others, it brings a wave of complicated emotions — loss, longing, grief, or a mixture of all three. In this special Mother's Day edition, five women from the Crowd Church community share honest stories about how faith has shaped their experience of motherhood, and why it matters even when life is far from picture-perfect.
02It's Not Always a Celebration
Sally opens with something most Mother's Day services skip over entirely. She acknowledges that the day hits differently depending on your story. Maybe you have a difficult relationship with your mum. Maybe she died young. Maybe you've longed to be a mum and it hasn't happened. Maybe you've experienced miscarriage or lost a child.
Sally knows this tension personally. Her mum died young, so she doesn't get to send a card or plan a treat. But she also has two daughters who want to celebrate with her. Two very different emotions, sitting side by side.
She shares a poem she wrote on the anniversary of her mum's death called The Lake of Ice: "Grief is like a lake of ice that I walk on day by day. Some days the ice is thick and when the memories come, they come with smiles. Other days the ice is thin and it's harder to keep walking. On the worst days, there is no ice and I plunge beneath the icy water."
On those worst days, Sally says, knowing she can go to God and that he understands brings real comfort. Not a magic fix — it doesn't make the pain disappear — but the knowledge that he's there and with her through it.
03When Motherhood Breaks You Open
Claire's story is one of the most powerful in this collection. She went into motherhood thinking she had it figured out — she was a teacher, she knew how to work with children. How hard could it be?
Then her first son was born months early and spent a month in special care. Later, she and her husband experienced a stillbirth. "To this day I don't understand why that happens," she says. "I get incredibly sad and really angry when I think about it. But I've got no idea how I'd have got through that time without my faith."
She describes lying in bed at night, crying and praying for God to comfort her — because that was all she knew how to do. The promise that she would see her daughter again carried her through.
Now parenting a little girl with complex needs, Claire's patience is tested daily. Just before Christmas, when her daughter's school bubble burst and she had no idea how they'd cope, she prayed for patience — and neighbours turned up with meals and craft activities. As she puts it, quoting Psalm 9: "May everyone who knows your mercy keep putting their trust in you, so they can count on you for help, no matter what."
04Letting Go of Control
Jenny describes herself as someone who loves being organised and in control. So when her youngest son didn't get his first-choice secondary school, her stomach did a somersault. This wasn't the plan.
Her response was to pray. Not a dramatic, earth-shattering prayer — just an honest one: "Lord, this isn't the school my son wanted. I know he's going to be anxious. I pray there is a reason."
What followed was a series of small answers. His closest friend was going to the same school. They ended up in the same form. On his first day, he came home buzzing. One term in, he'd grown in friendship and independence. Jenny and her husband chose not to appeal — they trusted the process — and it worked out.
It's a quiet story, but it gets at something real: faith doesn't always show up in dramatic moments. Sometimes it's the steady trust that things will work out even when they don't look the way you planned.
05Teaching Forgiveness, Not Rules
Kirsten and her husband made a deliberate decision early on about how they wanted to raise their two boys. They didn't want their kids thinking the Bible was just a list of rules or that God was "some sort of Santa in the sky, watching to see if they were naughty or nice."
Instead, they focused on forgiveness — the heart of what Jesus actually taught. In practice, that meant apologising to their boys when they got it wrong. Saying things like, "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I'm sorry." When they argued in front of the kids, they made sure to resolve it and apologise in front of them too.
The result? Their boys started taking responsibility for their own mistakes without being forced. They'd come and say, "Mum, Dad, I've made this mistake. I'm sorry." And when they did, Kirsten and her husband tried to respond with love and grace — the same way God responds when we come to him honestly.
06The Roller Coaster That Never Stops
Charlotte compares motherhood to a white-knuckle theme park ride — and after 28 years of parenting, she's qualified to say so. From new babies to toddlers to teenagers to adult children living on the other side of the world, the twists and turns don't stop.
Her key insight? Having faith is like having God in the roller coaster car with you. His presence doesn't stop the ride, but it changes how you experience it. She talks about sleepless nights that never truly end — they just change from feeding bottles to lying awake worrying about grown children. Being able to hand those worries to God in prayer, and receiving his peace in return, has been the thing that changed her life as a mum.
"God's promise is that he can be with them all the time, even when I can't," Charlotte says. "For a parent, that's a really big thing."
07Your Next Steps
Be honest about how you feel. Mother's Day doesn't have to be all smiles. If it's complicated for you, that's okay — God can handle your honesty.
Try praying the small stuff. Jenny's story shows that faith isn't just for the big crises. School choices, daily patience, the next right step — all of it counts.
Model what you want to see. Kirsten's approach to forgiveness is practical and transferable. Saying sorry to your kids when you get it wrong teaches them more than any lecture.
Let go of the need to control. Whether it's school places, health scares, or grown children making their own choices, there's freedom in trusting that God is present even when you can't be.
08You're Not Doing This Alone
Every story shared in this talk carries the same thread — motherhood is harder than anyone prepares you for, and faith doesn't make it easy, but it does mean you're not carrying it alone. Whether you're in the early days of sleepless nights, navigating complex needs, grieving a loss, or watching your children build lives of their own, there's a God who promises to be present through all of it.
What would it look like to hand over one thing you're carrying today — just one — and trust that God's got it?
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uh my so foreign well good afternoon welcome to sunday live stream with crowd church oh i don't know about you sir i was just into the music then reading the comments on facebook i had no idea it was about to end all right so that could have been an interesting moment seeing you already on camera there matt that would have been funny hi everyone lovely to see you this afternoon you are very welcome here at crowd church this afternoon a digital church for those people who want to find out a little bit more about jesus a little bit more about christianity about faith maybe don't see a point to go into church but you want to come along and join us well you are very very welcome today absolutely you are very welcome here uh as i said we are a digital church digital church can you believe it this is what we do we do church online so it is a community uh do come join in say hi in the comments uh be great to hear from you great to connect with you even if you've never been here before even if you're kind of like new to this whole christian thing just say hi it's always great to connect with new people and just as we go through if you have any questions thoughts or comments put them in the comments and someone will hopefully get back to you with a semi-reasonable answer yeah we can't promise it'll be reasonable but we certainly will try and get back to you so definitely we love it when you join in the comments so please do that there's also other ways of getting in touch with us as well but as if by magic the whatsapp number will appear well done matt and you can certainly contact contact us on that as well if you've got anything you'd like to say any questions you'd like to ask us or maybe you'd like some prayer then we would love for you to um contact us by that number as well if you prefer absolutely abso absolutely now so welcome back first and foremost great that you're here thank you thank you just a little uh little rest and recuperation last week which was much needed so thank you very much did you miss me matt uh loads i think everyone else did as well to be fair so everyone's like the live stream's just boring matt when it's just you on your own i think it's just there isn't somebody to kind of you know take the mickey out of you um sunday afternoon so i'll do my best everyone to um fulfill that role this afternoon but i'm slightly nervous because you've got like two weeks worth of you know stuff to make up for it's like well just let's just say matt you know if we that later on we do this thing at crown church called catch up there might just be a little something for you there um this afternoon which i've asked josh to put in so perhaps you know stay around for the catch-up this afternoon so let's tell everyone shall we matt what we've got lined up for today yeah let's do that let's move on quickly uh because it's going to go down so let me tell you what's coming up today we have uh got uh a series of videos coming up now today is mother's day if you're watching this in the uk we celebrate mother's day today we don't actually celebrate mother's day the same day around the world and i i realized this several years ago to my cost right so i used to live in the states and my mum my beautiful amazing fantastic my mum if you're watching happy mother's day love you ladies you're an absolute legend what a saint matt evanson's mum happy mother's day she deserves a medal to be fair me and my brother um and so uh so yeah i was in the states right living in living in the states and i spoke to my mum on the phone she was like where was my card my mother's day what you're talking about mother's day has not happened yet oh man it's way down the line she's like no no it was last week i was like oh so i discovered we don't celebrate it the same day every day now what i did do at that mother's day was i drew this kind of cartoon the story of me forgetting mother's day that on an a4 piece of paper my mom has had framed is still up in the house so every time i go home i'm reminded of the fact that one mother's day i missed you you forgot yeah so has she framed that because it's just so sentimental and lovely and just reminds her of her beautiful little bouncing baby boy or is it as a constant reminder of matt don't let it happen again do not yeah i'm i'm going with the latter i've never described myself as a beautiful baby a bouncing baby boy was that where you coming [Laughter] i'm sure you were at one point in your life matt yeah i'm sure i was i'm sure as maybe we'll find out later in crowd ketchup so yeah so we it is mother's day today and so the theme is all about um faith and motherhood now we know that mother's day isn't always an easy day and it's very different for lots of different people and we do recognize that today so if that's you today and you're not feeling you know in that celebratory kind of way that some mothers are then we want you to know that we do acknowledge that and that is addressed in the talks that the ladies are going to be doing in a little while so please stay with us and we hope that you'll get some kind of comfort from the things that we're discussing today as well absolutely well said sal well said after the uh amazing stories i've actually heard them the amazing stories today um we have got worship which we'll talk more about in a little while then we are going to have like a q a discussion time so we're going to do that whole discussion thing where sal and i are going to talk about your questions and comments which you put in the feed based on the videos and talks from today and then after that we will close out the service with a little bit more worship the whole thing is going to go until about 4 45 5 o'clock somewhere around there so that's the service that's what's coming out that's brilliant absolutely it's going to be great and if this is your first time with us a big warm welcome to you do stick around to the end because we just yeah it's just great we love church we love online church and we hope that you find jesus as inspiring as we do absolutely and it's great to be together it's great to see your comments do get involved now if you were with us over some of our christmas online services we did um a special little feature called kids say funniest things and we thought that we should have a little reprise of this for mother's day didn't we matt we thought that this was this was a good time to bring it back absolutely absolutely so we have got the kids say the funniest thing which is going to kick off today's talk now before we do that should we jump over to the comments sal i'm hoping you can see them on your screen well say hello to a few people can i just say before before you do that can i just go back to a comment that was quite near the beginning from matt crew who was on quite early and clearly was watching the little bit of footage that matt puts together matt puts together at the beginning and if you notice this you'll notice that the one bit from my talk that i did a few weeks ago that matt has chosen to pick out is the bit where i talk about my speeding ticket and a little police car goes across the bottom of the so that's really really kind of mad to just do that so that every week that comes up and matt matt crews obviously loving that and the little gags of speeding to the sofa thanks for that matt so if ever you feel like you know there's one too many jokes at your expense just just remember that just remember that little one well it's the only one that i have sell and so i make the most of it every week to be fair at some point it will get changed i've no doubt we've just not had chance to change it is my excuse and i'm sticking to it i'll hold you to that i'll hold you to that mat but yeah let's say let's say hi to a few people it's love to have gemma orange with us brilliant to have you along this afternoon sharon and matt and john as well claire lovely to have you claire will be one of the women that's doing one of the talks for us today and that is excellent so definitely stick around for that apparently claire is going to be dipping in and out between this and a game of uno with the kids okay so i want to know who wins that game yeah yeah i do yeah my money's on sam but you know we'll see we'll see let us know claire uh sharon john's harding here sharon do you have a photo of matt's picture for his mum you could share i would love to see that you know what i don't actually have a that's a very good thing i will try and dig out a copy of that and we'll try and get my mum to send me a photo in fact babe as you're watching this um could you text mum to get her to send a photo of that thing from mother's day so we can then show it on the live stream that would be good that would be good yeah yeah that would be very good uh sorry i don't they're quite special though okay so you're talking about okay yeah brilliant right all right that's uh a big fat one welcome to everyone great to have you all on the live stream it really is let's kick off like sal said with kids say the funniest things uh grab your cup of coffees uh or whatever it is your chocolates your tea get the kids to go and massage your feet or do something whilst you're watching this and we're gonna we're gonna kick off the best thing about my mom is that she gives me the best cuddles in the world i love parents what's the best thing about mummy okay my mommy is the best at cooking and the best at helping me do artwork i really love mommy because she's always on my side and she'll love me until i'm very very big i love my mom's personality and she's helpful she's kind and and he she is loving and finds some other stuff but i really like her please can i have my chocolates now hi everybody happy mother's day um we're outside today the sun is shining it feels like spring is in the air or certainly on its way and there's a little bit of hope around the corner so happy mother's day how do you feel when i say that it's a difficult one isn't it and for me it comes with two really big emotions firstly it makes me feel sad when i see it everywhere and i see it in the shops and everything i feel i feel that sense of loss because my mum died young and and so i don't get to send her a mother's day card or plan a special treat for us or or see her on those days and and it makes me miss her even more but on the other hand i've got two amazing daughters and i know that they're going to want to celebrate mother's day with me and that's that's amazing i'm so so lucky to have them i'm so proud of keone and willa and the amazing girls that they are so it's those two very different emotions and that's quite difficult isn't it to manage those two things so what about you how does it make you feel maybe you have a difficult relationship with your mum or maybe your mum died young or perhaps you have longed to be a mum and for whatever reason it hasn't happened happened for you or maybe tragically you've had a miscarriage or lost a child and i'm so sorry if that's you today and i want you to know that i acknowledge your pain and that it's okay for you to not want to celebrate mother's day or for you to feel those two very different emotions when somebody says happy mother's day and i hope that today you know that you are loved and that you can find some comfort today now recently it was the anniversary of my mum's death and um grief just kind of changes as time goes by and i wrote this poem to sort of explain how i was feeling and it's called the lake of ice grief is like a lake of ice that i walk on day by day some days the ice is thick and when the memories come they come with smiles other days the ice is thin and it's harder to keep walking on the worst days like today there is no ice and i plunge beneath the icy water i know i will resurface but today my heart aches with the loss of you and it's on those worst days that it's a real comfort to me to know that i can go to god and that god loves me and he understands and he can bring me comfort it's not a magic fix it doesn't make the pain go away but it just helps to know that he is there and with me through it so however you're feeling today i hope that brings you some comfort we've got four amazing women who are going to share their own stories of their faith and motherhood so let's hear from them now my faith has made a huge difference to me being a mum i remember when we were trying for a family about 13 years ago and at the time just thinking when i get pregnant it's going to be fine i mean how hard can it be i was a teacher at the time so i knew how to talk to children i knew how to teach i knew how to work with children and quite naively at that time that's all i thought i needed to know and then when i was pregnant with our first son i became really really poorly in the pregnancy and he was born a couple of months early he was in special care for a month and it was a really really hard time it was incredibly scary from one day to the next just knowing that i had god and i could go to him and tell him that i was scared and trusting that if i asked for my son to be healed and asked for him to be okay i i believed that god would do that and he he would allow that and he was our son was fine we then went on to have a still birth a couple of years later and to this day i don't understand why that happens and i get incredibly sad and really angry when i think about it but when i look back i've got no idea how i'd have got through that time without my faith i would lie in bed at night and i would just cry and pray for god to comfort me because that's all i knew how to do i just needed to feel him i needed to feel comforted and held by him and i've got no idea how i'd have gone through that without knowing that i would see my daughter again without knowing that i could get god's comfort we're now parents to a little girl who's got really complex needs and our patience is tested on a daily basis it's it's exhausting it's really really hard work and lockdown has been really tough just before christmas her bubble burst in school and i had no idea no idea how we were going to cope and i prayed and prayed for patience and i did you know i did feel more patient but also neighbours dropped round meals after i'd prayed they dropped around meals and they dropped round craft things for our little girl to make things it was absolutely amazing as i've been thinking about this psalm 9 verse 10 has come to mind and it says may everyone who knows your mercy keep putting their trust in you so they can count on you for help no matter what that has been the biggest thing for me knowing that when i'm struggling when my patience is tested when i don't feel very well when i'm scared when i'm anxious when i don't know what to do i can go to god and i can just be with him and it's it's someone for me to say i really can't cope i really need your comfort and i really need your support and that's how my face has helped me be a mum a little bit of background i've got two children they're 14 and 11 and anyone who knows me will tell you i love being organized i love being in control i love things working out just the way i've planned so for me faith really has to step in for the times and there are multiple where i'm not in control where my best laid plans aren't working out and i heavily rely on god in faith that things will pan out the way i want them to one such example relatively recently is my youngest son has started senior school and going back to applications for those who don't know in liverpool you don't all just follow from one primary school to the fedor senior school you spend your time looking around different schools and you apply orders one to five and hope to goodness you get the school that will best suit your child my son applied back in october 2019 we were lucky before the pandemic and he was able to look around the schools and having done this process once before my daughter we did the same before we prayed in faith that as we looked around the schools we get a real sense of peace at the right school for him our application was made and nothing was done then until march when the results come through and they come through by email i waited up 11 58 11 59 checking my phone midnight one minute past midnight the email came through and my son didn't get his first choice school he got his second choice which was one we'd obviously favored and immediately my stomach did a somersault i wasn't in control and i went back to my default i prayed i pray god lord this isn't the school my son wanted as his top choice i know he's going to be anxious i know he's going to be fearful he's not with his friends potentially lord i just pray that there is a reason he's been given this school and that he will be happy and settled there and he will have friends there the next morning my son was less than pleased with the news he was very anxious mainly about the friendships i think but in answer to our prayer within minutes of arriving at primary school that morning one of his very closest friends was also going to the school um as we went through uh the next few months and he was preparing for joining the school he was still very anxious but we got news that he was in the same form as this very close friend so again you had a friend on the first day um and we just kept praying that this was the right thing for him as we did a practice bus run um maybe in august i think it must have been maybe early september in preparation from starting the school on the bus we actually drove past the school he'd hoped for his first choice and he looked and said mom i wish i was still going there but i think i'm going to be okay so it still got me but i was reassured and again we prayed on this um but the first morning he started his new school um again in faith we prayed he my husband and myself together and he came out buzzing that day um he's gone on through one term of school where fortunately he managed his entire term september to december in school before the latest lockdown and he has grown in friendship in independence and i really think this was a total answer to prayer i thank god that we were in faith and that we stuck with us we didn't go through appeals or anything else and he isn't a place where he's meant to be he's in school and he loves it hi i'm kirsten and i've got two boys who are 15 and 13. when they were little we spent quite a bit of time talking about what it might look like to bring them up in the christian faith and how we wanted to avoid them thinking that the bible was just a list of rules and god was some sort of santa in the sky watching them to see if they were naughty or nice we thought probably the key to avoid that was to major on forgiveness just like the teachings of jesus major unforgiveness that's the whole point of the christian faith not a list of rules but how we can receive god's forgiveness so we've tried to apply that to how we parent our two boys so for example we've always tried to apologize to our boys when we've got it wrong or say to them you know something like i shouldn't have spoken to you like that i'm sorry or if my husband and i have argued in front of the boys as we occasionally do we've tried to make sure that when we've resolved that between us we've also apologized to one another in front of our children so they can see how forgiveness heals and strengthens relationships we've tried to encourage them to take responsibility for their own mistakes and apologize and as they've got older we've seen them grow into that they'll come to us and say mum dad i've made this mistake i shouldn't have done that and i'm sorry and when they do that we try to respond with love and grace just as god responds to us when we come to him that way so yes we just wanted to model that value at the heart of the christian the value of seeking forgiveness the journey of life has been described like a roller coaster and that is definitely true um for the for the ride of motherhood it's like an extreme white knuckle ride at a theme park and that's been my experience over the last 28 years you know whether it's having a brand new baby uh dealing with toddlers preschoolers then children at school teenagers and all the fun that that brings and then the stage that i'm now at where my children have grown and flown and i'm navigating my way through parenting adult children uh the truth is that it is a it's an adrenaline-fueled ride that goes ups and downs which is what life is isn't it and you know with every twist and turn that comes our hearts mind and bodies can feel kind of knocked about this way and that way sometimes literally we feel that we're being turned upside down and inside out in our emotions and and with our physical bodies as well uh the tights there's tiredness to contend with and the challenges that that brings of the different seasons of parenting for me i've come to understand what it means being a christian a follower of jesus and god's word says his bite the bible tells us that god wants to be he's with me always and for me it's about having his presence and uh having a relationship with him every moment of every single day so it's a bit like having god in my roller coaster car and not just that it's knowing his security god's love brings me peace it brings me joy it brings me love it brings me hope for those moments when actually i feel like i'm literally going to be thrown out of the car if i'm a roller coaster i can make you feel sick it's all that adrenaline that surges and um and for me knowing god's love and knowing god's presence with me in every moment has been the thing that i can say has changed my life as a mom you know whether it's uh going through those early days with new babies right up into the stage that i'm at now and beyond becoming a grandparent um i think the truth is for every single mom those sleepless nights never end it doesn't i might now not be up changing nappies and feeding making bottles or feeding in the middle of the night but actually those sleepless nights stay the same you lay awake and you're worrying about your children that is a huge burden to carry even if you have a great partner to share that with it's still a huge burden whereas for me having the ability to take all my concerns for my precious ones to god and the bible tells me that i can pray about anything at any time it doesn't matter how big or how small and i can as i do that and i pray and i talk to god which is what prayer is i just give him my concerns my worries and there is this amazing thing that happens that as i speak to him he i know he's taking them and in his in the place i receive god's peace and god's love and god's comfort and i know i can trust him i'm trusting him for my precious ones god's promise is that he can be with them all the time even when i can't and for a parent that's a really big thing it's very different when your children are small and you can strap them in the buggy and you know where they are but for a parent of adult children when you're trusting your children it's perfectly like mine lived on the other side of the world you have to trust i have to trust that god is watching over them and he is that is his promise to each one of us every moment of every single day and i'm so grateful for that okay hopefully now you can hear me sal's waving at me like this so sorry about that now you can hear me so just to say again thank you uh very much for those videos uh sally uh to claire to jenny to kirsten and to charlotte they were amazing videos really appreciate you doing that and we are going to be getting into those much more in the q a after the worship is happening so and thank you for everybody letting me know that you can now hear me uh hey charlotte how you doing i also see you in the comments uh we're gonna get into the worship now i don't know if you remember but charlotte in a video she said something like uh knowing his presence changed her life as a mum right knowing god's presence changed her life as a mum and i think that's an amazing statement to make and this song was kind of a little bit about that right the song's called i will exalt and exalt was just an old and sort of an old word meaning i'm going to lift you up i'm going to make you higher in my head so whatever it is that i'm facing god make you bigger than that i'm gonna put you higher than that i'm gonna trust you more than i trust everything else around me that's what it means to to bigger god in some respects and in this song uh sung by john and anna grace it talks about how his presence is all we need uh and i was just reminded of those words as sherlock spoke so if this is your first time with us or if you're kind of new to the christian um and you've never really done the worship thing before you can just sing along if you like or you can just let the words kind of wash over you and think about them as they're on the screen or think about some of the things that maybe some of the ladies said in the videos and we'll be back again in just a few minutes time after this but just enjoy this time there's a time of meditation a time of worship a time of reflection and i'll be back again soon your presence is all i need all i want all i seek and without it without it is be lifted high your presence is live high and there will be no one like you no one beside you you alone are worthy of praise there is no other name be lifted well uh big thank you to uh john and anna grace for doing that let's bring sally back onto the screen sal how are we doing did you nearly get caught out then nearly i thought you were gonna waffle for a bit longer like you normally do but sadly you were like to the point today i tell you what i'm gonna remember that next time i'll cut i'm gonna see if i can catch you up that's brilliant brilliant brilliant brilliant hey sal listen uh huge thank you to you and the ladies for doing those videos um yeah they were so great weren't they i'm just thank you so much um in case you didn't know the last lady charlotte she's my sister-in-law um and she is just such an amazing woman she's always been such an inspiration to me and you know was a bit further along in her journey than i was and so when i didn't kind of have anyone to ask about different things when the kids were little and that she was always like my go-to person so she's just incredible that's amazing i guess one of the questions then just to sort of uh follow up on that um how important is it do you think if you're if you're a mum to have someone who is a bit further on than you that you can talk to that you can get that advice from i think really just essential really um there's so much when you become a mum for the first time they're so it's really scary there's so much unknown um i found it didn't sort of come naturally to me some of the things you know i wasn't really sure what to do about something there's so much that you want to know or you want just someone to say to you yeah that's normal don't worry about that or yeah you're doing fine you're doing fine that's really all you need but to have somebody who's just even just a little bit further on from you really really helps and i live in a city where i have amazing amazing friends but no family nearby and so my friends became that that community that family that really helped and then family that live further away were always you know at the end of the phone if i if i needed something but yeah i would say that is it's really important to get yourself part of that kind of group of people that can say you're doing fine it's okay because it's hard really hard yeah yeah that's good good good tip there um so listen uh let's talk about your video first and you talk about in the video you talked about and very openly and very vulnerably about this sort of mixed emotion that you have on a mother's day you've got your two beautiful girls um and did they spoil you today by the way did they yeah they were great they were great um yeah they woke me up with lovely presents and cards this morning not too early and then yeah they made um pancakes for breakfast and then they've got me a lovely afternoon tea which we had a bit later on so it's all about food and movies today really for me which are like two of my favorite things so and presents presents food movies you know that's that's kind of that's me sword and happy so yeah everybody just take notes food and movies that's how you win sellover okay and presents as long as that present is a food or a movie we're all right um but they're okay just make sure so on one hand you've got this amazing you know experience uh from your beautiful daughters but on the other hand obviously um you are experiencing something that i'm not at the moment in the fact that your mum has passed away and she passed away way too early how do you how do you cope with that how do you manage that that mixed emotion yeah that's really hard especially i mean it's been i think it's 11 years this year since my mum died um and at first it was really hard to be able to kind of celebrate and feel that pain at the same time and those days were really difficult and don't get me wrong those days are still difficult i think it's kind of what i was saying in mind is that grief changes and i still miss my mum every day but i've kind of got used to how i manage that pain on days like today i find the build up is actually worse than the day itself the actual sort of seeing the things in the shops and kind of thinking about what i perhaps would have done if my mom was here and that's kind of harder than when it actually comes to the day you know the girls are there and we're doing things and it's busy um and it's quite different so it's definitely the build up for me um time they say time heals it it doesn't it just allows you to kind of live with it differently that's how i've that's been my experience and so that's that's kind of how i deal with those two things but it's it it's hard it's really hard yeah and i thought you're very brave so how can i ask do you do anything on mother's day to remember your mum no not specifically on mother's day um on other days um we do on on her birthday on the anniversary of when she died those are the sort of days that we would do something kind of special to remember her on her birthday we try and do something fun that she would have loved um all together to kind of remember her like that but no on mother's day i don't actually kind of do anything apart from just thinking about the mother's days that we did spend together and wishing that when i was younger i'd you know been a bit a bit better at kind of spoiling her and things you know when i was a kid you know she was a single mom and i'm not sure how good me and my brother were actually kind of spoiling her on mother's day up so yeah you can't change it to be fair no you can't and i i kind of feel a bit sorry for my mum to be fair because she had two sons single mom had two sons we were never going to be great at doing mother's day to be fair uh hopefully we're getting better now now you know sharon's and she helps me out tremendously yeah which is just it's a beautiful thing um so let's talk about claire's video because claire was uh the first video where she i mean just yeah such an inspiring lady because i mean to have a stillborn child i mean that is in that's just uh a whole different world for me and um i i watched i must have seen that video like a few times now because of the editing process and and just checking everything through every time i'm just like claire you're amazing you are fundamentally amazing she is incredible she how she kind of manages to keep that faith and keep that positivity and you know be there for other people and she's been through so much in her life is just incredible and she's a real testament to god's love and god's faithfulness and she's kind of you know really hung on to that in those dark times i think that's what she was talking about um that that comfort actually is real that love actually is real and can make a difference when you've been through the worst imaginable thing in life um so yeah she is definitely an inspiration yeah i thought it was and you just get challenged don't you sometimes because um you listen to people's stories and you go man you know i what that is so inspiring you've held onto god throughout the most complex and difficult situations and god is real and god is there for you and that's just absolutely fantastic i'm just i'm totally stoked totally stoked one of the questions that did come to my mind um uh throughout all of this is um when you're a mom you know do you do you suffer with um i'm i'm not got a name for it let's just call it perfect mum syndrome oh gosh yeah oh wow i remember when i was pregnant with keone i thought to myself do you know i am going to be the first perfect mother i'm sure that you know i'm sure that you know that itself go for it some people say i'm competitive i don't see it myself but you know that has been no this has nothing to do with competition but this was just like you know i had this thing i don't want to make any mistakes i don't want to you know i want this child to have the perfect parents their perfect upbringing i'm gonna you know i'm not gonna make any mistakes at all to read every book do everything um because i wanted this kind of perfect experience for my child and then literally day one that's out the window because it's it's just you can't you can't be perfect none of us can be perfect i had a whole um routine because i felt like if i could control the routine of what she did and when she did it then that would give me a sense of you know i'd know what i was doing and i'd know what was going to happen next and that went out the window on day one as well it's just really difficult um you can't you can't hold yourself up to that sort of standard because you're just gonna fail i think you just have to um know that you are trying to do your best and that's enough your best is enough you are the best parent for your child and you know doing your best in that moment is is what they need and we're all gonna fail we're all gonna make mistakes and we need to kind of be kind to ourselves when we do that we need to let ourselves off the hook i think mothers particularly i couldn't can't talk to fathers but for mothers there's that guilt there's that mother guilt all the time should i go should i work should i not work should i work part-time should i you know should i send my child to nursery should i not say if every decision you make you feel kind of that sort of guilt about doing the right thing i really wish that we could just free mothers from that um we hold ourselves up to a ridiculous standard i think yeah um absolutely yeah yeah we need to let ourselves off the hook there a bit yeah i couldn't agree more and i am oh we could go on talking about this i think that you know listening to jenny talking about you know not being in control and her story about having to trust god in the midst of things and then uh kirsten talking about forgiveness being at the center of their house i mean that that doesn't actually sound that easy to do really but it sounds ideal but i'm like and she made there's this phrase the occasional arguments that her and john had in front of yeah yeah occasional yeah yeah i thought that was really interesting wasn't it about um not easy to do really really not easy to do it's forgiveness is one of those things it's an actual decision that you have to make sometimes daily and we're going to be talking about this kind of over the next few weeks in in sort of other ways as well but forgiveness is a really difficult thing especially when someone has really hurt you but modeling forgiveness to your children is really important if you're someone i don't know anybody like this but if you're someone that holds a grudge you know that can be tricky and you need to kind of you need to learn how to be sort of more forgiving and how to kind of yes say sorry to your kids that's so important isn't it to model that yeah i thought that was really good i think um the fact that we need to forgive but we also need to seek forgiveness is just you know we we're all in that we're all in that sort of place in life aren't we we've all got to do both and so i thought that was really great and then charlotte's comments about motherhood being an extreme roller coaster a white knuckle ride i was like ah that isn't there's actually an analogy i can i can understand that that was fantastic that's really helpful yeah really good really practical and real and that's kind of what charlotte is she um yeah she just really tells you how it and encourages you that you're doing okay because it is a rollercoaster ride i thought it was really interesting that whole you know lying awake worrying about your kids you think that when they're grown when they're older you won't have that you know i'm i'm you've already had a child go off to university i'm facing my eldest going off to going off at some point and i'm thinking how am i going to cope with that the only way i'm going to cope with that is by taking these worries to god because otherwise i i'm never going to sleep i mean it's yeah it's really really tough being a parent is tough it is but and this is probably a good place to to sort of draw the discussion to a conclusion um i like the the thread which came through every what everybody was saying was actually the thing about faith and murder motherhood is you can trust god you can trust god with your kids it's not always easy it's not always straightforward but fundamentally you can trust god with your kids and you can trust god with yourself in some respects like you were saying in terms of being a moment he he's going to look out for you he's going to look out for your kids that doesn't mean it's all going to go right but he somewhere is involved in the whole thing would that be fair absolutely you know i'd much rather be going through this um with god's help than on my own um if you haven't got that where you if you have if you're not a christian and you don't feel that you can go to god with these things and i just think how how do you manage because knowing that god is in it with me is is what kind of gets me through sometimes and and as you rightly say that doesn't mean everything goes right and well and that you're happy with all the choices your children make you have to trust you know you have to leave that don't you when they become adults but um knowing that you can go to god with these worries and for comfort and you know it's just so so helpful so important brilliant so thanks again thanks uh jenny thanks claire thanks charlotte and thanks kirsten fantastic i i feel like we could talk about this for many more hours but time is against us in some respects so we're gonna go to should we do ketchup next let's do catch up yeah i'm looking forward to this i think there'll be a really lovely picture of matt in this week's catch up and just so you know uh john harding if you're watching this my mum has sent a load of photographs which will show after ketchup as well i don't mind uh what's gonna ensue after this but stay tuned here's ketchup hello and welcome to this week's sunday catch up for those of you who don't know me allow me to introduce myself my name is josh i am a member of the team here at crowd church and i'm a student at the university of saint andrews studying physics if you have never watched the stream before welcome it's great to have you here let me just quickly explain what catch up is every week we get in pictures and videos from members of the community and we just put them up in this segment of the stream so that we will get a feel for how everyone is doing if you're in the uk happy mother's day to all the mums out there watching this you're great you're wonderful thank you for doing what you do you know as a son i definitely greatly appreciate all the wonderful stuff that my mom does and and the incredible person she is so just take this day to relax and be pampered by your kids in usual fashion i will kick off the catch-up segment with what i've been up to this week every week i have a lab as part of my degree that i have to do and recently i've been working on optics which is all to do with light and lenses and how you can make it do weird and wonderful things and so on friday when i was working through this lab i had to make this i'm making a telescope using some lenses and a small stack of playing cards yeah you can see that the beam there is quite significantly bigger than it looks there so yeah this is kind of what physicists do so what have you just done i threw an egg and it didn't crack why did you throw an egg experimentations or eggs great thank you for sending all those in it's really cool to see what everyone has been getting up to sally thank you for sending in that picture of my dad i did not i i don't think i've seen that before i'm i'm dad can you explain what was going on in that picture like i really don't understand if you would like to see your stuff on catch up then please send it in to the church whatsapp number that you will see on the bottom of the screen or you can use crowdcatchup on instagram and i will be able to see whatever you want on ketchup and i'll be able to get it down and put it up for you that's all from me this week thank you very much for watching i will catch you next time okay i have no idea either but it's like you'll say i like how we just went use what and then it just clicks it was kind of it's almost like we timed it that way i don't quite understand why why the system keeps going back to the worship songs i will find out for next week anyway thank you can i just have a little word with josh edmondson right now um i sent that pic in and he's put the tagline or something sally dresses up as if i've just chosen to randomly dress up like that can i just go clarify that was world book day i'm a priest of course it was i thought that's how you spend saturdays that was world book day i was dressed as an empalumpa for those of you who couldn't tell sure it wasn't just sally dresses up so i think josh you need to clarify these things a little bit more please no i quite like the empalumpa look for yourself and uh let's clear everyone watching this this is what sal does on a saturday wow i'm going to stop giving you photos josh unless you put the right and that picture of matt that just popped up on facebook and i saw that and thought wow we need to share that with the world so uh that photo was actually put on facebook by a a family friend i was a page boy at my auntie's wedding and so to the right of me was my mum autumn actually she was on my left on the right on the photograph but on my left was my mum and that photo was me being a page boy absolutely uh so and i i appreciate you putting that on thought you'd enjoy that what a gorgeous little boy you were loves well absolutely and i know the request right so let's deal with this now because i'm just going to face this this one head on right so here are some pictures you wanted to see my mum sent in of me as a wow that's my brother next to and let's bring this one on the screen uh that's me at my seventh birthday uh and then this one here oh that's the same one hang on uh what's this one oh there's me playing football oh yeah check out those socks missing the ball completely probably and there's made for the first and last time doing the washing up and check out that uh that wallpaper there i mean wow amazing that dates you a little bit there matt it does a little bit doesn't it so and then the other photograph uh that i said i'd show is the this is the framed mother's day uh thing that i did so i drew this cartoon so here's me on the phone realizing i'd made an error so then i wrote i composed a piece of music um i i wrote the letter and then i sent it to my moment so yeah that's up in my mom's house so i remember i love it i love it i thought that first picture was you with a very small dumbbell there matt with your your training program begins that's a telephone okay yeah yeah yeah just you know it is what it is right it is what it is so that's me as a kid so there i hope that hope that clears that up do share your pictures so that we can see some pictures of you as well and you don't have to kind of see too many more of uh of matt's embarrassing pictures or mine but i think i actually want to see your mine embarrassing pictures to share yours anyway for the crowd ketchup do let us know send those in on the whatsapp or do use the hashtag crowdcatchup on your photos and videos so we can feature them in credits always great to see what everyone else is doing so make sure you do that uh joshua's putting the comments unlimited power in response to you so wow yeah i think that we can always find a way josh of uh embarrassing you more so oh battle is on mac crew doesn't believe it was a world book day thing sal that was going on it was generous i think next time you say it was you should do it with a slightly higher pitch in your voice it was definitely world book day although i do i i don't sure if i can carry on that sense so i can say i do like dressing up but in a in a context you know like if there was a dressing up party um in the first lockdown we did um each week the birch family would do like a theme and we would make our outfit costumes like through the week and then on the saturday we would dress up this is sounds like we just stopped talking i'm just my kids are going to kill me my kids are going to kill me we would do a quiz watch a movie and it would be like related to the theme second lockdown didn't happen just didn't have the energy for it at all but it was fun but no i genuinely promise you that picture of the oompa loompa world book day gemma says uh here that you wear that when you go to bongos bingo well i wouldn't be adverse to doing that i'll tell you what let's just should we should we go should we go let's go yeah let's move off though let's go to what trev said because trev wrote here he said the analogy of the roller coaster is the same for grandparents too sometimes upside down sometimes feels uh like over the cliff but god is always with us through thick and thin and i think i'm going to put that on the on the broadcast sega so you can see that and but i thought that was really interesting actually that actually that whole analogy for being a grandparent the roller coaster thing is actually true when when you are a grandparent as well as apparently absolutely yeah absolutely yeah so sir what we got coming up next week i'm asking you i'm not even sure you know but i thought i'd ask well we've separated we've definitely got someone speaking we've definitely got some worship we definitely got some catch up and we've definitely got matt edmondson what else have we week got you are you joining in next week i might do it depends how nice you are to me matt next week sharon is speaking so sharon edmondson my beautiful wife is going to be speaking next week and she's going to be looking at the prayer of jesus in the garden of gethsemane as we continue on our journey through mark's gospel you are not going to want to miss that it's going to be fantastic the week after we have another very talented lady speaking now who's that that'll be you sal all right so i hope you're ready and prepared don't worry i'm ready and prepared yep brilliant so we've got two great weeks coming up so do make sure you stay connected with that let's close out today's service now we normally close this out by playing uh worship song which we're going to do that but sal i just wanted to say listen um happy mother's day is there is there so what would you say final comment to those that maybe do struggle with i would say the most important thing is don't struggle on your own tell someone that you are struggling ask for help um ask a person another person that you trust for help but you can also go to god and ask for help as well but i think it's really really important to tell someone that you are struggling and let them help you brilliant thank you and from me from a son and her husband i get to see my wife who's an amazing mother to our children and i was brought up by an amazing woman i just want to say a big huge shout out to mums everywhere grandmother's everywhere thank you so much for all the amazing things you do thank you for putting up with crazy people like me and uh the the difficult men in this world let's just put it that way and then we'll move on and um i really really appreciate it so big hearty warm thank you to all of you uh god sees what you do and he appreciates it and he appreciates you so i think on that note we shall uh move on to ireland of worship so that we'll just play one worship song and the livestream will close after this that's all from me and sally so have a fantastic week wherever you are and we'll be back yeah thank you so much for joining us everyone it's been lovely to be with you this afternoon bless you myself [Applause] face oh and you are never you're never gonna you're never gonna let you are good
